Pretzel Arches

Pretzel Arches

Mandelbulb 3D, Un-Retouched

A little mad fun while watching an episode of “The Musketeers”.

Ambient

07/06/2014 2 comments

Ambient

 

Mandelbulb 3D, Un-Retouched

Just a little something-something created as the day remains as beautiful as yesterday, but with a little more warmth. There no rhyme or reason to this… other than perhaps keeping myself familiar with the controls.

Oh and listening to https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPQjYQZ7wW0 while making this…

Time passes as time always does…

Entry 07/05/2014 11:54:18 AM – Mentat 705

Summer Solstice has come and gone.

Emancipation Day has come and gone… And a lot quieter than I thought possible. More on that in a little bit.

Stonewall Day has come and gone.

Yes, Independence Day has even come and gone.

It’s not as though I’ve been completely uninspired; just mostly for the last couple of weeks. While some of it has to do with the exorcising of demons as part of my Emancipation Day tradition, most of it had to do with the outrageously annoying and extremely draining moderate heat coupled with unbearable humidity that we had been getting through the last couple of days. Now that tropical-storm-turned-weak-hurricane-turned-tropical-storm-again Arthur has come and gone… Well, let’s just say it’s marvelous, the right sort of warm, breezy and the last week’s oppressive, Southern Humidity in the North is totally gone, I’m sitting here with the windows open, fans blowing (with and without the breeziness) and Moe expectedly torn between wanting to chase the little red light and getting up on the desk for some one-on-one attention. Looks like the attention won out, as he’s currently plopped on my shoulder with his tail wagging away (between happy and aggravating). Not that this is going to make typing easy as this is just the usual prelude to, “I don’t like your shoulder, let me casually slide down into the crook of your arm and whack your face with my tail…”

Ha! That’s not going to happen for as long as my notebook’s open…

Starting with last night (and working backwards instead of all over the place), I had my first nightmare in a long while. While the dream itself was only moderately scary — dealing with some sort of infection turned zombie apocalypse — I found myself practically screaming in the night-terrors sort of way as I was waking up. Sure, lucid dreaming was easy enough… During the part in the dream where someone’s son was infected by the virus and only had minutes before turning into some sort of brain-eating monster, I woke myself rather calmly. It was during the wake up process that I had scared myself. It seems that while I was waking up, my semi-conscious mind tried to bring to the conscious one of the zombies and it was crawling up into the bed (and over the covers), to pin me down and eat my face off.

That in itself kept me up for about 2 to 2½ hours as I tried to work through the fear and the hyper-attention I had going for that scary moment. I was rather surprised that it was the semi-conscious part of the brain that suffered from the fright instead of the subconscious/unconscious; particularly when you realize just how psychotic my dream states can be. But after watching some distracting videos (as I wasn’t quite able to listen to ambient music of DI.FM’s Space Dreams), I passed out like I normally would, only to wake up much later than I expected.

I’m not quite sure why or what caused that bad dream turned nightmare. I haven’t been watching anything about zombies or strange mutant-altering viruses; hell most of my television or diversions have been either science-fiction or actions… I’m sure that if I think about it enough, I might have a little luck finding the trigger. Either-or… it’s a first in a long time.

Then earlier in the night (like around an hour before closing time for Tammany Hall), someone was firing off fireworks in Piedmont Street. Between the sounds and the lights, I remember waking up to the noise and thinking, “if that shit continues, I swear I’ll call the police for the cunt that was disturbing the peace.” No, I didn’t do it, couldn’t actually as my phone was in the office on the other side of the wall. Fortunately for me and the rest of the people in the neighborhood, it was a culmination to the various firework noises that have been going on in the neighborhood. Between the neighbor across the street firing off fireworks (and we think getting chastised by the neighbor next door), to the kids over on Knight Street firing them off later in the evening (read: past midnight, early morning), it’s been more noisy than I’m used to during this time of year than when I used to live in the Valley.

In the last couple of years, whenever there was fireworks going off for this time of year it always sounded so… distant. Like it wasn’t part of the neighborhood at all. This year? Ugh, it feels like it’s going on just outside of my house (in spite of the fact that some of it’s 2 streets over on one side, and halfway downtown on the other.

Moe on the other hand, I think has developed a nervous tic. Seems he has a hot spot on his left foreleg. I’m not sure whether it’s from the move, it’s been there for a while and I’ve only just started noticing. Or whether it’s really recent with all the noise and all the windows being opened. It’s not too bad — he hasn’t developed any sores in the process. It’s just been made bald from his cleaning (I’ve finally seen him going to town on the area). While he was good in not running off of the bed and hiding for hours when the folk were firing off firecrackers and various noisemakers…. He has through the last week. So much so, that there have been times when I’ve come home from walking my mother’s monster child, that I’ve found him in the portable closet, hiding for his life. So in the meantime, as I continue to make sure it’s the other possible cause for that bald spot (boredom), I’ve been playing with him more and giving him the treat of napping with me when I take a quick lie-down. Seems all right, but hell during the hotter days, just what I need on my crotch — a sprawled out, legs in the air, purring, fur belt.

Then at the end of last week, Stonewall Day (which sort of is a hop, skip and a jump to the weekend before), I got the usual questions about, “will you be going down to Pride?”

No…

Just no…

Of course I recounted the story to family mostly but a couple of friends that I was chatting with online, about the last pride I went to a couple of years ago (when I was living with that douchebag, drunken artist wannabe)… You know, the one where I felt like I was one of the tallest (and oldest) queerfolk in the land of the Lilliputians. Oh and the only taller person had the hair of Chewbacca… And no I don’t mean he was a walking carpet, but instead hair on his head slicked back and long like Chewbacca.

My attitude hasn’t changed about folk here in this state and with that in mind, I saw no need or want to mingle with the attitude I’ve encountered since coming back to the state. And while that entry was only a couple of weeks ago, it remains a sort of anchor/milestone to my continued approach to the folk and people in the area.

Though for a moment it did raise the question in my mind, “why is it that I truly stay in the state?” Well, other than the obvious answer of my family in all it’s bizarre and sometimes dysfunctionally warring sort of way… I have to say I think I’m finally settled.. The oats have been sown… The mad cow has finally been hit with the right tranquilizer. Mother’s Little Helper has finally helped mother…

[Last Edited: 07/05/2014 07:41:23 PM]

Before Stonewall Day was Emancipation Day… While I didn’t do anything completely dramatic or… well over-dramatic about releasing the left over demons, I can say without a shadow of a doubt declare that I can now think about the douchebag ex-landlord and not think about punching him in the throat repeatedly. That doesn’t exclude the thought of throwing rocks at his SUV if he tries being “nice” in my direction, but at least it’s not the threat of strong physical violence at the sight of the two-faced, delusional bastard. And no… I won’t stop with the names… Even 35 years later, I still refer to my first ex-boyfriend as either “the asshole” or “my first asshole”.

Hell, I can even get through the thought of the ex-roommate douchebag without wanting to give the man two black eyes in the process. Sure, I might be resigning myself to the thought that with the amount of cheap drinking and cheaper cigarettes the only way he’s going to keel over either through lung cancer (or any other cancers associated to smoking) and/or cirrhosis of the liver. It’s a slow way, yes I know. And that silly, petty stealing douche will not only leave the world penniless but also unknown, but hopefully in doing so his kids will completely hate his existence… Evil I know… but at least I’m resigned to karma paying back as karma always pays back. Instead of wanting to take a completely active role in his (and the douchey ex-landlord’s) demise. And again, no… I won’t stop with the names. They dissed me and were disrespectful, they don’t deserve any respect from me.

It took me over 4 months, several attempts at facing it and then letting it go, more times with denial than I would like to admit, and having to say it aloud enough to realize the amount of vehemence and anger that I was containing. While I might not be able to shake the scorn — something I know that I can hang on to no matter what — the anger and rage is finally spent.

And that’s pretty much it in a nutshell. I’m still not quite as creative as I should be, but at least I’m a bit more at peace with myself than usual. Now I’m off for the night… Until the next time.

After the Humidity Madness

06/20/2014 Comments off

Entry 06/19/2014 09:35:12 AM – Mentat 704

Finally!!!! After several days of warmer than average weather and unbearable amounts of humidity; it’s finally started raining here this morning. While the humidity is still up there (more than 80% the last time I checked a couple of hours ago), at least it’s not the oppressive BS that I’ve put up the last couple of days. Good thing too, given that I’m getting rather tired of being completely drained out come sundown then the temperatures drop to where I expect them for this time of year… Well that and I don’t have to suffer through one sinus or the other shutting down and blocking up when I move my head one way or the other. So, hopefully over the next couple of days it’ll be more bearable than it has been and I can enjoy Emancipation Day without it feeling quite so like August here in the Tundras of New England.

Of course the amusing thing in all this is that I’m currently over my mother’s house watching her Monster Child — Jack. The amusing thing was that my mother sent up to my Aunt’s house to wash her car in spite of it raining even up there in Woonsocket. She went up there out of sheer stubbornness because she canceled out last week for washing the car on threat of rain. Last week we almost brought Jack along so that he could get a bath (he’s smelling particularly dog at the moment), but the more my mother thought about it — the more she decided it was best he stayed at home and went to a groomer for a washing instead. Not that I blame my mother in her decision — Jack is too easily riled by other dogs, and my aunt’s little hyper mutt would set him off… So while my mother’s off; I’m treated to looks (and attitude) like this:

clip_image001

I get looks like that because I’m not my mother and I’m not one to give him treats whenever he wants or needs. Yeah, she spoils him rotten and because I’m not high on the pecking order/pack order in the house, he often mopes when I’m over making sure he doesn’t wreck the house during any abandonment issues he might go through. At least he’s not begging to go out in his boredom before his usual walk time.

Now that it’s getting into summer, I’m trying to discipline Jack a little bit more and not be completely spazzed out during this walks. Also trying to curb his hyper attitude at barking at faeries. It seems that I’ve come to learn that he’s pretty myopic (near-sighted) as he’s gone crazy barking at smaller people (children and in one case a rather short Latino mowing the lawn at the apartment complex on the path we normally walk). Even at inanimate objects like lawn bags on the sidewalk if they’re the right distance from him. When he gets closer, Jack stops when he realizes what he’s barking at is not a dog at all.

Surprisingly, Jack does really well when he’s short leashed: he walks at the same speed I do, doesn’t do a lot of doubling back to check various scents from other dog-owners that walk the same path. Even maintains a sense of calm when dealing with Starlings, and faeries… But the instant he’s given more leash — off he goes spazzing out more. I suspect it’s going to take months for him to calm down given I don’t think the Summer Heat’s going to calm him down any.

On the flip side, Moe’s even more sedate with the summer heat and humidity. While he might not get up on me at the desk when the ambient temperature’s over 75 F/23 C, he’s still just as determined to lay on me when I take an afternoon cat nap. Which in itself is “fun” because it’s like having more than 101.5 F/38.6 C laying down on my crotch area. Worse when he’s happy and sprawls out like a napping toddler. He doesn’t seem to have much issue hanging off me head upside and purring to his heart’s content as he sleep as well.

In fact, today was the first day he was in the front window and didn’t freak out and hide when said “hello” when she walked by. Unlike the last time when she did that and he hid under the covers in the bedroom for hours. Of course, he’ll still hide whenever anyone else is over… but at least I think he’s figured out if whoever it is that talks to him is on the street, then he’s safe.

The level of stupidity is going up now that the weather’s getting warmer. For example, my neighbors across the street now rent the whole house, one of them made the “brilliant” decision of putting their two little dogs on the first floor… While this might not sound like a fail as I imply, it is when you realize these two dogs are easily stressed out and start barking at anything and everything that walks by or barks in the neighborhood. Worse, when someone walks by — they fly to the front windows wrecking the blinds in the process. I walked by, and one of their two dogs, just flew at the window and through the blinds. Heard them a couple of more times after that when I was in my kitchen and cooking my lunch. It hasn’t happened today as I didn’t see them in the window, so hopefully they’ve learned their lesson.

Then there’s the second floor neighbors in the house across the parking lot (in the back of my house). Seems that they went away on vacation or something and one of their two cats ended up on the fire escape of their apartment for the last three days according to one eye-witness that was waiting by the house. When I talked with the witness, I told them someone would come home in a couple of hours (late morning/early afternoon) and I’ll let them know… but he wouldn’t have anything of the sort. Not only did he continue to wait and watch but also called Animal Rescue about the cat. Sure enough, the third floor tenants came back and were able to rescue the cat from the fire escape, but the witness didn’t stick around to catch Animal Rescue to tell them that the cat’s all right.

That was left to me when I came out of my mother’s house and saw them there looking about the wrong side of the street. So after 10 minutes of explaining to the woman what happened and who had done the good deed, she was off.

Then yesterday, the neighbors across the street had a friend over in some monster pick up truck that I didn’t think twice about, until that friend decided to leave and it sounded like the transmission on the truck was about to fall out. Did that warning screech stop them? Well sort of. They stopped their truck in the middle of the intersection to the side road (Adams St) where they left it there blocking (non-existent) traffic for about an hour. Oh they moved it. In fact, the owner started his truck and apparently drove away with it sounding like the transmission would drop out at any time. It was a hell of a din given that the owner drove away at no more than 5 MPH even onto Atwells Avenue.

Thanks to that, my ears were ringing about 5 minutes after they had gone. Not to mention gave Moe quite the fright too as he couldn’t figure out where the sound was coming from.

Then there was the din a couple of days ago in the parking lot with someone that sounded like was setting off some sort of fireworks. Either that or had to break into their car as it sounded more like a window being broken the more I think about it. My cat completely freaked out with that and tried his best to hide under the bureau in the process. When I checked in the morning, there was broken glass, or any sort of fireworks refuse in the parking lot either.

And finally the highlight of the week had to be my neighbor downstairs. Now keep in mind this woman rarely if ever opens up her windows even with the impending summer weather. She’s rarely seen other than perhaps in glimpses when she throws her trash or recycles. My mother says during July and August she has an air conditioner in her bedroom window, but her windows are never opened otherwise.

She opened her windows the other day. For what appeared to be “spring cleaning”. Windows were opened and it looked like she had her curtains out on the fence drying. Since then though? Closed again. 89 F/32 C with 95% humidity and the windows have remained closed.

How she can do that is beyond me.

As for me…

I’m sore. Not entirely sure why. Old age, probably. Well that and the amount of humidity in the air. Sleep as once again swung back to “normal”. So much so that I seem to be making up with bizarre dreams in overtime. While I can’t remember them as much as I should, I remember enough to know that it’s been a sort of powder keg dredging up memories old and not so from my past. Some of these recurrences I know I caused by thinking about them at the right time before I fell asleep. Other seems to be off-shoots of those memories.

[Last Edited: 6/20/2014 6:26:42 PM]

To continue…

I’m finding myself modestly cautious about what I remember and when given that I’m finding myself highly self-suggestible because of it. It’s not just being the right frame of tired for this suggestible state to happen, but also just being… well, impressionable on the whole. I found one of the dreams that I had last night had been triggered by a set of thoughts that I had while re-watching an episode of Heroic Age yesterday afternoon.

For entertainment, I’ve given up (again) on Andromeda at near precisely the same place I did before (when it was first run too). Why? Well because by season 3 this show was seriously, seriously dumbed down when they ejected Robert Hewitt Wolfe from the production team and gave [Kevin] Sorbo more authority. I tried also to get back into the remake of Battlestar Galactica and realized it’s too depressive for the summer. So it’s back to anime for me for the time being. Namely Samurai 7 and Heroic Age for the time being. I might go digging for others, but these two work for the time being.

Finally I would like to throw a great big, screw you to the team at FourSquare. Seems that for the last couple of weeks they had left their app alone but was pushing a new social app called “Swarm”. Didn’t like the looks of Swarm and it wasn’t really in the queue for loading it up on the phone. Then today when I was out doing a bit of shopping with my mother, tried to check in using FourSquare only to find it disabled until I installed and downloaded the new Swarm app to my phone….

So checking out the reviews on the store and see people are not happy with it at all. A quick download and install I found out why… What made the Foursquare app fun (and sort of unique) was all the features that it used to have had been disables. Gone was the ability to maintain and gaining “Mayorships” at locations. Gone were the point tally acquired during a week of check-ins. In it’s place is a buggy program that leaves the GPS portion of the phone always on and draining power, and organizing through text and messaging — friends to join you here or there.

It’s a good idea if you’re a social butterfly or collect friends like tchotchke.. but for me? Not really. With the exclusion of one acquaintance in the Rhode Island area, most of my friends and acquaintances are nation and world wide. So that organizing feature Swarm offers is very useless to me. Add to the fact that you can’t check in with just Foursquare, I wrote some disparaging reviews for both apps, and deleted my account with FourSquare in the process with the same note that when they remove Swarm, I might come back. Probably not, I’m not a fan of any company that makes draconian decisions that demand their user base install more apps to test out their new ideas by destroying what’s already working.

So bye-bye and screw you FourSquare for betraying a loyal fan and destroying a fun app.

That’s about it for the time being. Until the next time.

Shattered Echo

06/18/2014 Comments off

Shattered Echo

Mandelbulb 3D, Un-Retouched

Pretty much how I feel right now with the zaniness of outrageous (and semi-unexpected) humidity levels: A shattered echo of what I once was. Can’t wait for this to pass in a couple of days…

The Day After…

06/12/2014 Comments off

Entry 06/12/2014 09:53:44 AM – Mentat 703

So it’s the day after my birthday and I continue to say “oh my god, I’m 50…” like a mantra in the hopes that it’ll sink in properly. Well, not just sink in — more like impact. It’s not impacting though, not in the least. While I was doing my monthly Windows updates, throwing out the last two eggs (stories on that in a moment or two), and doing my morning dishes I realized that I’m doing better now (physically and emotionally) than I did a decade ago… In spite of the anger that I occasionally feel for the two Valley Douchebags™. Now normally I would be doing a year in review for my birthday as I normally do (just to ensure I have some sort of perspective on the issues through the last year), but the problem is that I really don’t want to look back anymore. I’m tired of looking at the anger and the issues that I’ve had with the two douchebags. They are indeed the past, and they need to remain in the past. Not dredged up even for a few moments while I try to put things into perspective. Because even looking back for a brief moment (and in my own compression in time sort of way), I allowed myself to be consumed by that rage for entirely too long.

No more…

Since the last journal entry it’s been a quiet week. Not at all surprising if you know me — I tend to go about routines without causing too many waves… Well at least in the world at large. I might still have my moments of saying things to stir people up online — but that’s just my nature really. I rather like making people think, or parade tired and old misconceptions in order to see just how stubborn people are to change and their perceptions of the world. Doing this makes me realize how slow people are to change and in one example, how people change history to suit their needs. Sure these kids really didn’t live through those times, but they being the authorities of their domains believe their perspective is the right (and only one).

Take for example my putting myself out of the closet (so to speak) again for a new group of people in a community that I frequent once I’ve done all my chores… Once again the tired old misconception of, “…’flaunting’ your sexuality is detrimental to the cause…” I didn’t fight that one with the usual well heterosexuals flaunt their sexuality all the time and it’s not detrimental to their cause.. Instead it was when they tried to provide proof that their gay friend also hates it, that I decided on doing a basic reminder of the past. I quoted what a drag queen once said to me about who threw the rock through the window of the Stonewall Inn… on who had organized and marched in the pride parades the first couple of years.. That is was the faeries, the bull dykes, and the drag queens… But they wouldn’t hear it. They said it was the “normal” people that did that… it was the normal people that organized the parades.

I chuckled to myself and asked how old he was to have come to this conclusion.

He was in his mid-20s.

I chuckled again and reminded him to go find the old, out fags that are his parents’ age and ask them who did what and when. Google and do a bit of research into the past (and not Wikipedia as it’s not to be trusted).

He wouldn’t do anything of the sort. He knew what the ‘truth’ was.

I gave up at this point, though it was fun remembering the time back in junior high school and my interviewing my grandmother on what it was like growing up in the Great Depression. Through her, I got a vivid image and perspective on just how difficult it was during that period in US History.

It made me wonder just how many of the kids online during that conversation took what I said about that time in history to heart versus how many of them remind me of the saying, “…well, I might as well throw out the encyclopedias I have because it’s apparent you know every fucking thing…”

Yesterday I couldn’t make up my mind about what I was going to eat for lunch and dinner… I was in the mood to cooking something easy for one of the meals and finishing the leftovers for the other. At last minute I decided the leftovers for lunch and for dinner I was going to make an egg quesadilla to finish off the eggs and burrito bread in the fridge. So there I am, pulling all the ingredients out and when I start pulling the eggs out of the carton, find that both of them had been broken and stuck in the carton. Apparently they had broken in transit (I always check them when I’m picking up a dozen of them during my shopping run). I was fortunate in that they weren’t rotten… I probably would’ve screamed out of the house to throw them out that much quicker.

That’s about it for the time being. Like I said, it’s been a quiet week… Until the next time.

Assessment Cave

06/10/2014 Comments off

Assessment Cave

Mandelbulb 3D, Un-Retouched

Strange attractors were used to create this week’s piece. It looks better in full-screen, as it shrunk down to a percentage of 85% (or so) gives it an unsettling blurry appearance.

Wander into this cave and good luck in passing the test of figuring your way into and out of this claustrophobic image.

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