Home > Life or something like it > Entry 05/26/2005 08:55:23 PM – Mentat 158

Entry 05/26/2005 08:55:23 PM – Mentat 158


Entry 05/26/2005 08:55:23 PM – Mentat 158

     Where my days were just packed yesterday, today it would appear that the drama queen has decided on making a pit stop to my life making me feel so totally helpless…  So deplorably wretched about things going on in my life, I quite literally want to go into hiding, become a total recluse, and give the fuck up on everything and everyone, and never be seen on this side of the universe again.  

     Let’s start with the obvious first. 

     It’s become obvious that my cat has been losing weight.  It’s been a slow process, which she’s gone from the little butterball to more to her weight that she’s supposed to have for her shape and size.  Then I notice that the amount of food that she normally puts away hasn’t been touched, and instead of finishing off her food like she would normally in one to two days, ends up being uneaten for almost a week and a half.  This had be doubly concerned this morning when I was getting ready for work, and noticed that her bowel movement was rather mucous-like.  Scared the daylights out of me, and proceed to check out what I can check out at work. 
     According to the information that I had been able to find, she’s either got constipation or a mega-colon blockage.  (There was something about an anal-sac inflammation, but according to the information that I had been able to find on that — she doesn’t have any of the other symptoms associated to that). So, I read on about how to check for the other symptoms and to do everything in my power to get her electrolytes back to normal, give her plenty of liquids, and water, and to possibly prepare to give her an enema or two if the fiber and/or electrolyte replacement doesn’t seem to work.  While at work, I also went down to Wal*Mart to pick up some wet cat food as a method of getting her to eat some dietary fiber. 
     This of course has me stressed out because I can’t be home to check for the other symptoms and to ensure that she’s doing okay.  Of course, while at work, my imagination gets the best of me, and halfway through the day I have images of her dying on my bed while I’m at work trying to pay bills. 
     So, I get home with the canned food, check for the symptoms, and none of the ones that she should have, does she have.  No tenderness around the lower abdomen, nothing to indicate that she has any such blockage.  So I swap out the dry food for a can of wet, and the little heathen gluttons herself on the food.  Finished it all in about the time she had gotten it down.  Seems rather happy about it too, as she’s sitting on her chair at the moment, looking pretty content about it. 
     But as I sit here and write about it, it dawns on me that I recall her having problems with certain foods when she was a kitten.  In fact, she refused to eat the Tender Vittles I had bought her because she didn’t like the smell of it.  Because of this, I remember quite vividly her going on a hunger strike against it until I had to buy a different food for her to eat. 
     Now, I know that I’m going to have to watch her for the next couple of days, to see whether this goes through her system without a problem.  I’m going to keep my fingers crossed and hope this is just her having issues with the food she was eating, and that she’ll return to her somewhat normal during the Memorial Day Holiday. 

     Then there was the issue with the money, of which leaves me something like $1.56 in my account (after pulling out the necessary money for laundry and transportation to come to work next week) This is not something I want to discuss openly, so that’s about all the public will get regarding this  (so don’t ask).  This is quite literally the poorest I’ve been in a long time.  While things have actually been paid for, and I do have food in the house to eat — it doesn’t quite leave me enough money in case I need to buy something in emergency.  Hopefully I’m not going to need anything in the next week or so. 

     Oh!  And then I send off an e-mail to my agency to see how they’re going to be paying for the holiday — and then all of a fucking sudden they tell me it’s 26 weeks working before I’m eligible for holiday pay.  This goes against the three years of them trying to keep it in the same calendar year that they pushed!!!  I call them the instant I get the e-mail (knowing full well that I’m eligible), and some new woman is working there and gets all attitudinal with me telling me that I should read the employee handbook..
     I fixed her ass in a hurry when I told her that my Employee Handbook is dated 1993 and that I didn’t think that I needed to pick one up every year.  She then realized that she was out of her league in dealing with me and then offered to have Kris give me a call.  I said that would be a good idea, given the fact that I want clarification on this new ruling. 
     New ruling my ass…  They’re trying to do everything in their power to ensure that they don’t have to pay out for the holiday and are shifting things without notification, just to see what they can get away with.  While on the one side it’s putting me into a bind because this possibly means that I won’t get paid for Memorial day, on the other side, I’m seriously thinking of getting a lawsuit put into place to slap them about for treating their long standing employees around like red headed step-children.  It’s time they stop with this shit, and start acting like a legitimate company. 

     And then during all this — I got someplace between scared and in pain with Will, and couldn’t deal with the distance between him and me anymore.  I catch him online and tell him quite truthfully that I want to hide.  I want to give up…  And most importantly, I want to go home — especially if my cat were to die.  There was no way in hell that I wanted to deal with both the loss of my cat, and the thought of a man whom I called "boyfriend" living 300 plus miles away from me.  The first thing I did was cancel whatever plans were being made for my birthday.  Part of it had to do with the fact that I didn’t think I would have much of any money thanks to the holiday fuck-up with the company.  Part of it having to do with my cat and her possible illness. 
     Later in the day, and on the way home from work, I realized that I was falling into a predictable pattern that when my life is falling apart — it’s best to have complete pain, rather than partial pain.  It makes it easier for me to feel the pain for a lost love, rather than deal with love as a support while the rest of my life is falling apart around me.  And while on the way home, I had steeled myself to continue with this charade, when I came home and saw that the cat wasn’t as bad off as I thought she was — did I realize just how much of a fool I was being with Will. 
     I apologized for being such an ass with him, and while he forgave me — it’s something that I’m going to have to think about a little more in the weekend to come.

     Well, that’s about it for the time being.  Until the next time. 

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