Home > Life or something like it > Entry 06/25/2005 08:28:08 AM – Mentat 170

Entry 06/25/2005 08:28:08 AM – Mentat 170

06/25/2005

Entry 06/25/2005 08:28:08 AM – Mentat 170

     Emancipation Day…  A personal holiday that I’ve celebrated since I was 22…  It was created because of a man that I had worked with at New England Pest Control that had used me for personal issues, and when things didn’t go his way, tried saying all sorts of nasty things about me to friends that I had introduced him to (out of the kindness of my heart).  Hell, I even had a hand in getting him hired there… Today was the day 18 years ago, when he had gotten fired from New England Pest Control because he simply couldn’t do his job and was habitually taking days out (for illness). 
     Today is the day that I typically take one of the monkeys I’ve been carrying on my back for some time and dump them someplace — usually a hole or a pit out in the backyard — and walk away from it never to deal with that issue again.  Usually those issues have been people that I’ve dealt with that really shouldn’t have stayed in my life as long as they did.  Sometimes, it’s an issue that I’ve been allowing ruin my life in some way or another. 

     And I’ve been thinking about this one this year.  I’ve got quite a few monkeys on my back this year…  Enough that they need some sort of mass grave to bury them all in. 

     The first and foremost one is that I really have to stop working at the current contract.  I was talking this over with Mike last night (story there that I may or may not get to in a little bit), and I said that I’ve gone beyond the point of no return with this contract.  Keeya has gone back to being the bossy bitch that I knew she was going to become.  And there were two straws that broke the camel’s back yesterday.  The first one, had do deal with the fact that Wednesday, she had said to me that it was my responsibility to train the new temp that started Thursday.  Then at about noon yesterday, she took it over because she didn’t like the way that I was training her. 
     Now I may not have any experience with training, but I do know that when someone doesn’t have the necessary experience in dealing with contracts much, that you need to give the kind that are easy so that she can get a feel of what they look like and how to handle them.  So I was taking from one of the four piles at the Keeya had handed off refusing to do as a method of getting her used to them before having her handle the tougher ones that still need to be done.   She also stopped me from doing those, and demanded that I do the ones that are still in the four boxes left to be done (knowing full well that the new girl won’t know what to do with them). 
     When Keeya had taken it over, I got the distinct impression that this is going to turn into another hobbling session and that they will get rid of the new girl because she can’t get up to speed. 

     The second thing that I found so funny in a pathetic sort of way, was the day before (Thursday), when the new girl (Gwen is her name), started, I had asked Keeya for a new wrist rest.  She had more than happily placed the order.  The next day (yesterday), when it had come in, she had given me the one she’s had on her desk for the last four months, taking the new on as a replacement, because she liked the colors of it.
      How fucking petty is that?  And I know, I sound incredibly petty about complaining about it — but it’s just amazing that she had used my request as an excuse to buy a new one for her desk to hand off hers because she didn’t like it anymore. 

     To make matter worse, I think in the last entries I had made mention that there was supposed to be a transition for more responsibilities and a different sort of assignment working with Nikki and the web-based CRM tool that they use.  After Keeya had pulled this bullshit I had fired off an e-mail to Nikki to find out when the transition was supposed to happen. Nikki comes up to tell me that her department won’t be able to grab me, as Keeya’s boss Dawn still needs me to help Keeya with the (non-) work she does. 
     I lost it yesterday.  Went right around the bend, and into the realm I just didn’t need to go at all.  So, at the end of the day when Keeya left, I had a half-hour conversation with Nikki because she had brought up all the facts of the bullshit that’s been accumulating since March.  Nikki had asked whether I was able to bring up these sort of problems to her boss Dawn.  I said I had tried during a phone conference between my agency, and her boss, and I got the distinct impression that Dawn didn’t want to hear about it, and that whatever problems I was having, I needed to chalk it up to the fact that Keeya simply doesn’t have what it takes to be a manager.  After that — you know — anything I could say to Dawn would come off like whining, and frankly I shouldn’t be whining to Dawn every time I have an issue with Keeya’s bossiness. 

     As I had also mentioned to Nikki — the problem with Keeya is that she’s got no direct supervision that can watch her movements here.  Sure, I could nark on her, but the problem is that I have had a discussion with my agency about doing this, and they have a policy that it’s not the contractor’s place to be doing this.  In fact, it’s my responsibility to turn a blind eye to it whenever possible.  Sorry — no can do — especially given the fact that she’s making excessive amounts of personal phone calls, reading her e-mail, booking trips through Expedia for something that’s coming up in July, and socializing through the office…  Given the fact that she does only a quarter of the work that I do (the Spreadsheet that I keep track of sort of shows what little she does in regards to the amount of work we’ve done)… 
      Last night when I eventually did get home from work, after dilly-dallying, I almost fired off an e-mail from the house to Nikki’s inbox to give her the spreadsheet that I hand into Keeya and Dawn, to show the fact that Keeya’s requests don’t number a quarter of what I’ve done, and just over 15% of the combined work all the temps have done in the position.  But I didn’t — discretion being the better part of valor. 

     At the end of this conversation, Nikki said that she would think about it over the weekend. 

     Frankly, I felt really bad about dumping all this shit on her.  I know I should’ve either shut the hell up and dealt with the work…  But I’ve been silent for the last four months, and she had been getting progressively bossy until I reached my limit when she accused me of padding my timecard the day before my birthday.  As I sit here writing this entry, I realize that the cycle’s coming back to the start of this.  And I can’t have another repeat.  I won’t have another repeat.  This job simply doesn’t pay enough to put up with immature and asinine shit from someone almost half my age. 
     I honestly thought about calling in Monday to the agency, and saying this is it.  You can’t talk me out of it.  I’m dropping the security badge off at the Midtown Office and that I don’t care if they blacklist me for it — it’s not worth it anymore.  I may just do it…  Hell, I can only make these sort of threats for just so long before they either have to take matters into their own hands, or I have to follow through, instead of being the boy who cried wolf all the time. 

     Because of this bullshit, I’ve reconsidered my decision on whether or not I’m going to participate in this weekend’s Pride Events.  I had originally decided against it, when I had talked with Ed about meeting him when he came down for Pride.  But now, I think I’ll go down, if to be alone among the crowds and watch what’s to be watched.  I would buy a beer, but seeing that I don’t have any money to spend really, I’ll just have to wish and dream of enjoying a beer.    At least it’ll get me out of the house for a few hours, even if it’s going to be during the hottest time of the day. 

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     Another thing that I’ve been thinking about in the last week is just how open and raw I’ve been these last few months.  Between the issues with the cat and her eating/not eating.  My feelings and insecurities towards the end when I was still sort of seeing Will.  Will leaving.  And to make matters worse — I haven’t exactly been sleeping well or right in the last three months, which hasn’t helped matters any.  I’ve either been under-sleeping…  Or worse, I’ve been tossing and turning like I’m possessed through the night.  So by the time I wake up in the morning — I’m typically dragging ass through and then rushing to get the hell out of the house to make a bus; not quite being able to nap while on the bus (most of the time, the driver in the morning has something against his religion about running the A/C or the fans to get air circulating on the bus — making it stuffy as hell to sit in), and in the afternoon as I’m heading home — it’s so packed to capacity, the a/c is barely able to run.  Or can’t sleep/nap because someone has to be all loud and obnoxious in the back of the bus. 
     So, as a temporary solution, I’ve been getting to bed earlier than normal, and trying to sleep the entire way through.  It’s been working last week — especially given the fact that I’ve been putting myself around 10 PM or so.  I’ve also been severely cutting down on the complex carbohydrates, and on the caffeine intake.  Of course, it doesn’t leave me much time to do anything when I get home, other than perhaps play a short game or two of Diablo II, or simply stare at the screen while other people chat.  But it seems to have helped my mood significantly, as with the exclusion of the bullshit yesterday, I’ve been in definitely better spirits… 

     So what is it that I’m going to bury today for Emancipation Day? 

  • Anger
  • Insecurity
  • Petty Jealousy (hopefully, it won’t pull a Lazarus like it did while I was dating Will)

     The rest, I’ll think about when I head down to the park tomorrow. 
 
     T-minus two days…

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