Home > Life or something like it > Entry 09/02/2005 11:46:37 AM – Mentat 188

Entry 09/02/2005 11:46:37 AM – Mentat 188

     The final quarter of the year… 
     Eleven days ’til my personal anniversary… 
     And last night I had a dream about being in love with someone from Canada.  Odd sort of dream.  It was similar to the nightmares that I’ve been having about Will coming into my life, and then threatening to leave never to return again, but it was different in that in last night’s dream, when I got to see the man in real time, I realized that this was the one and only time I was going to see him again.  I sort of did accept that it wasn’t going to go in the direction that I wanted it to go, but to spend the time I could with him is what was most important.  Strange thing about the dream was that I was in my hometown of Woonsocket — in Fairmount Park (don’t remember the name of the place, it had changed names sometime before I moved to Providence so many years ago).  Although like many dreams, it’s the unconscious interpretation of the place, and not actually the place that I’m familiar with from my memories.
     In the dream, I was sitting underneath one of the ancient oak trees that lined the side of Fairmount when I saw him walk up and sit down on my lap.  As he sat there looking down at me (he was significantly taller than I was) he was telling me about the details of his trip and how he would be moving to Canada.   I believe he even told me why, although I don’t remember all that much of the reasoning, as I wasn’t listening to him as much as I was holding and hugging him and coming to grips with the fact that this was the last time I was going to see him. 
     I remember that the man that I had been sort of dating in the dream was happy to spend the time with me, but seemed more interested in the trip ahead, as it was definitely a step up in the right direction for him.  The last thing I remember of this dream was the fact that we were taking each others clothes off and going to make love to each other under the tree…   Funny thing that, given that there were still people in the park at the time I made the decision. 
     In the second dream that I had, when I fell back to sleep after waking up abruptly from the previous dream was that I was part of Madonna’s entourage, and that we had split up as some sort of real time adventure.  I don’t quite remember the direction that I had gone, but it was only a small diversion — something that needed to be done more than creating my own sort of adventure.  I was with two other people — one of them I think was my brother (although it wasn’t my brother Jon, but someone else).  We had ended up heading to an apartment complex, where the pool had flooded the parking area, causing almost the entire parking area to be flooded like the Hanging Gardens of Babylon.  In an earlier part of the dream, I had been doing a little vacuuming (don’t remember why exactly) and during the walk through the apartment complex I had accidentally gotten the vacuum wet and knew that it wouldn’t work again until I had dried it out.
     I had gotten to an apartment and had settled in.  I had discovered that Madonna had also stopped at the apartment, but had done so several years prior.  Which made it odd, as the two groups had only split a couple of weeks before.  I think that I had explained in the dream either something about a time warp, or some sort of perspective difference between the two groups.  I was about to make the trip to follow up on Madonna’s group but stopped suddenly when I entered another of the apartments in the complex, and realized that there was some sort of flier in the mail-slot of the apartment.  When I pulled out the flier in the mail slot, I realized that it was pictures of me when I was 11 years old.  That there was a man that lived at this apartment that the flier was found at was my father searching for me. 
     I ventured into the apartment — this huge deal of a place that had at least three floors and so many rooms that I only had barely enough time to take a tour of it.  When I got back down to the first floor (which was not in fact the main floor) I found that there was a secret room that was off the main room.  Turns out that it was a bedroom that had been converted to a spare room.  There was also a set of stairs that led further down and that it opened up to another apartment.  I didn’t look around the other apartment — for while there was another door that led outside — most of the apartment was dark. 
     I came up the stairs and realized that the spare room/bedroom I was in was in fact my bedroom (even though technically, I didn’t remember it ever being my bedroom) and I looked at my brother in my dream and realized that he really wasn’t my blood-brother.  I mentioned this fact to my brother, and he had said that he was surprised to hear this.  At about that time, the man that owned the apartment came in and looked at me.  I had asked him how could he possibly be my father, as I remember who my parents are…  He was about to tell me the story of what happened, and I suddenly woke up from the dream… 
     Definitely an odd set of dreams.  For example, I can clearly see where some of the elements come from, in both dreams.  In the first dream, about Canada, clearly calls to mind the plight that Canadian_SuperPengiun (from Yahoo chat) seems to be going through about his house and financial issues (even though it wasn’t talked about until recently where it’s worse than it appears).  In the second dream, I don’t understand where the adopted father stuff was coming from, but the Madonna thread to this particular dream comes partially from Madonna making the news for the last couple of weeks, as well as there being a discussion in Yahoo’s Gay Men’s Lounge about her and her career.  Although the more that I think of it, the more that I realize that perhaps the whole "adopted dad" thing is coming form some of the odd tidbits of television I watched during the week…  Particularly one of the soap operas (All My Children of all soaps). 
     I had mentioned the first dream to a friend of mine online (Alex in the UK), and he asked me whether I could interpret the dream.  I said that it was pretty easy to, given the fact that it had connection to the reoccurring nightmares that I had involving Will.  I said to him that it was pretty obvious in this dream that I had unconsciously accepted that things had moved on between Will and myself. 
     He had asked me whether I believed it.
     I told him that I didn’t consciously, and that I still blame myself for the chain of events that caused Will and I to break up. 

     Other than those lovely and yet all so frustrating dreams that ended just as things were getting good — I’ve been struggling through my usual writer’s block.  Of course, to make matters worse, I’ve had positively no Muse whatsoever for a story.  I’ve been reading through Companion a little, and catching some of the other grammatical and syntax errors this read through (and correcting them along the way).  I admit that I’ve run away screaming from the work-in-progress Symbiosis only because the science in the science fiction was becoming entirely too difficult to keep in mind and keep track of on the fly (which is how I routinely tell my stories).   *sighs* Maybe I should just hanker down and try writing whatever comes to mind, and see where I end up. 
      That’s about it for the time being…  Until the next time. 
%d bloggers like this: