Home > Life or something like it > Entry 04/09/2006 04:39:20 PM – Mentat 266

Entry 04/09/2006 04:39:20 PM – Mentat 266

     T-minus two days (or so) and counting… 
     I think I’m finally getting into the hang of this transition.  I’m noticing the times when I’m sleepy/dragging are earlier in the morning and earlier in the afternoon than when I was working days, when it would be later in the afternoon/earlier in the evening.  It’s been a rather quick transition though — as I’ve been progressively staying up later each day for the last couple of days; what with last night me being able to set myself down to bed at 5:30 AM.  Of course, tonight — I’m supposed to be going to bed about the time my aunt and uncle get up in the morning.  What a joy that’s going to be, I’m telling you. 
     Right now, I’m sitting here helping my aunt with watching the Pork Shoulder that’s currently cooking in the oven, having a rather watered down beer (Corona, as I don’t want to drink anything heavier, like I usually would), sitting in MSN chat and watching the folk reviewing some porn stars…  It’s somewhat the usual thoroughfare in there for a Sunday Afternoon.  And a little more entertaining than some of the shit that I’ve dealt with on the home front the last couple of days. 

     Jon called yesterday, looking to see whether I had gotten a job yet.  Started with asking my aunt, which I had already had this discussion with her that if he calls, she doesn’t have to say a word to him.  When she told him that it would be best if he asked me, she promptly handed me the phone.
     Started the usual way…  Jon trying to go through the motions of a casual conversation of “hi.”  Followed up with “How are you?” 
     I did the usual and got out of the small talk by asking him directly, “what do you want?” 
     That’s when he started with his tirade that “everyone was concerned about me, and was wondering how I was doing.”
     I told him, “this is no committee, and the only person speaking was him.”  I continued on with, “Don’t be trying to add other people’s voices to his own in order to add validity to his concerns.”  And I think I made some comment in there about no one voted him to speak for the whole, but the more that I think about it, the more I thought it and held back.
     He asked me whether I had gotten a job.
     I told him it was none of his goddamn business. 
     When it got through the second round of “yes it is”/”no it’s not” I decided to hang up the phone and handed it to my aunt, knowing full well he was going to call back and rant up a storm with her. 
     Sure enough he did.  And the two of them went round with his issues for about ½ hour before he calmed down and was talking civilly.  Although from some of the things that I heard him screaming through the phone at her, I about took the phone away from her to tell Jon to call back when he can speak civilly; but decided that would be like throwing gasoline on a bonfire…  So I sat back, writing a little here and there, and keeping an ear out to see whether he had anything further to say about me in her direction. 

     My aunt came home just a little while ago, telling me that Jon had called her while she was visiting with my grandmother at the nursing home to apparently apologize to her for being such a fucking prick, and took advantage of talking with our grandmother for a little bit.  While I’m sort of glad that he’s finally come back to his senses, on the other, I just know it’s going to be a matter of time before Jon works up the righteous indignation to try another round of berating me for slapping the hand of his concern. 
     Um, thanks but no thanks.  If he didn’t act like such a control queen — we wouldn’t be at odds like we are now.  If he didn’t treat me like such a petulant child — we wouldn’t be at odds like we are now. 

     As for me… 
     I’m doing pretty well at the moment.  Had quite a bit of peace the last couple of days staying up ‘til all hours of the night, transitioning to being a vampire.  Had an interesting and fun chat with Jim H from IRC…
     Oh…  I just realized that I might not have mentioned him.  Ran into Jim H around the middle of last week while I was chatting in gay.com.  He’s an old-timer from IRC that used to chat with like 10 years or so ago.  Back in 1999 when I went underground because I was having a dramatic moment and wanting to find myself in real time more — I had sent him a goodbye note telling him about it, and that if there was a chance of meeting up in real time we might in the future.  It was like old home week in gay.com because I didn’t recognize his picture, although he recognized me from mine (as mine’s a more recent one than the one he used to have for me).  Well, from there we had exchanged vital information — e-mail addresses and phone number and the promise that we should get together sometime before I start my new job. 
     Fortunately for me, we didn’t get together before the job started, as I wasn’t sure I could swing the costs of a coffee at Starbuck’s or what have you.  But we did get the chance to speak on the phone yesterday which was a fun hour and a half or so.  Heh, of course he didn’t go to the car dealer’s like he was supposed to yesterday — given that it was rainy and slick out and he didn’t think it would be safe to test drive a new car (in spite of the fact that I told him that was perfect weather to get a feel of a new car, if only to see how it handles in less than optimal conditions).  Like I said, it was a fun chat, and I sort of look forward to others in the future. 

     Then last night, I had a talk with Jon and Mark from MSN Chat.  Jon being the mirror image of selflessness that I often push myself to being. Mark being a reminder of some of the pain I go through in my bouts of loneliness, coupled with having ADD/ADHD (his is more ADHD according to his spaces information, whereas mine is more ADD).  It turned rather surreal at parts of the night, given that I’m not used to being up the times I’ve been up, and I dins myself emotionally open and somewhat vulnerable to what other people are feeling and expressing in type (and thought). 
     With Jon, I had hoped that I got through a little to what he was feeling, although part of me realizes that some of what he had shared with me goes way beyond my experience in understanding.  While I did understand a little of the lack of self-esteem he was talking about, how he got it was more than a little bit, umm, difficult for me to grasp.  I had suggested that he simply talk to a professional about it — but I don’t get the remote impression it’s what he’s going to do about it.  I think in the end he did feel a little better after sharing all that he had shared, which is what I was aiming at.
     As for Mark…  All I want to say about Mark at the moment is that I want to get to know more about him.  A whole lot more.  He had said something that caused me to have some trouble napping this afternoon that I hope that he’ll clarify a little more before I find myself over-analyzing and over-reacting to.  

     Well, that’s about it for the time being.  The liquor’s kicked in…  My mood’s wanting to dance to Deborah Cox and the other trance/dance hits I’ve got here…  And I want to explore a little the people I’ve been chatting with the last week or so.  Until the next time… 
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