Home > Life or something like it > Entry 05/04/2006 09:12:32 PM – Mentat 271

Entry 05/04/2006 09:12:32 PM – Mentat 271

05/06/2006
     The weekend has come and gone and another weekend is upon me…  I’ve gotten all the chores that I wanted to do, accomplished…  Laundry done.  Pop Tarts for work.  A couple necessities that I need to have done around the house, bought.  And while I still have a few more things to do (namely haircut and shave for tomorrow), I’m winding down for the night.  Surprisingly, I still have enough money to head out and get myself a pint of ice cream and really enjoy the rest of the night, sitting here chatting idly, listening to tunes, watching a little television,  but now that the sun’s setting ‘round here, I think I might just stay in and deal without. 

     I had a fairly good time last weekend…  Saturday with the relatives we went to my grandfather’s grave out at Precious Blood Cemetery.  Haven’t been out to it since the winter I had come home for the holidays, and had to sludge through greater than knee deep snow several hundred feet in order to get a look at it several years ago.  I went there with my Aunt Monique and her brother, my Uncle Armand.  Uncle wanted to get my grandfather’s veteran flags straightened out, add another, along with putting up flags for the New England Patriots and Boston Red Sox (both teams were my grandfather’s favorites).  Got pictures of it — but they’re on the camera phones, and while they’re fairly good — they’re really not all that good to add to the usual places.  Maybe sometime in the next couple of weeks I’ll head back that way to take a picture of it. 
     From there on Sunday, I  had to help my Uncle Bob get the dirt that he had shoveled out from one side of the yard to the other.  Primarily because he didn’t want it on the grass so that it would leave a dead spot from the suffocation.  Fortunately for me, it didn’t take all that long, and got it done while I was working on my laundry.  Fortunately for me as well, I didn’t have to do much else after that — so I got to rest and relax over Sunday while I did the laundry and ponder some of the things that had been bothering me about work, life, love, and the dreams that I’m still having about love and sex and romance, that I don’t particularly have going on in real time.  But more about that after I get the rest of the events out of the way…

     Monday I didn’t go live as I had sort of loathed that I would.  This week while I am in fact answering calls and trying to make sense of everything that I’ve learned couple with the things that I still haven’t quite learned from all the different sort of calls that had come in.  Although I will admit that from what I’ve dealt with in the last two days, it’s beginning to make more sense, even though there are still some sketchy things that I’m still trying to make sense.  Found out Tues that another one of the temps that was supposed to answer the phones was released.  Apparently it was the agency’s decision, as the boy decided on calling into the agency to tell them that he was going to participate in the Immigration Reform March…  As Oscar Wilde once said best, “Youth is wasted on the young.”  To add to it — there’s been talk among some of the folk there that Mark — the other that started the same time I did — isn’t long for the world there as he has an issue sitting still. 
     Personally, while I feel as though sometimes I’m going to come home and find a message that tells me that my contract has been cancelled and that I don’t have to go to work the next day, at least these feelings are quite as strong as they used to be when I was working for Kelly Services and Concord/First Data. 
     Although I have to say that this week, it looks as though things are getting better now that I’m going live on the phones (with a little back up).  If anything, things are beginning to make sense with some of the things that I need to do.  While there are still more than a few moments where I stumbled through some of the procedures that I needed to do.  Particularly Thursday night when the phones began ringing off the hook at night, and I almost circumvented a couple of steps in fixing a problem; which would have only caused a worse problem in the process.  But at least one of the leads that was working caught me before the damage was done, and explained it simply how to handle it.  Since thing though, I’ve become more confident in the job. 
     Who knows?  Maybe I might just be able to stay there the amount of time that they have requested of me. 

     I had two rather interesting chats online last weekend.  One with my friend Seth in New York City, and the other with someone that I’ve seen milling about gay.com but never had the opportunity to chat with in private — a man by the name of Anthony.  Now the discussion I had with Seth is one that I’m currently going through.  Anthony’s on the other hand is one that is so familiar that it’s almost old hat to me.  I’ll start with the old hat… 
     Apparently Anthony is going through some of the same problems that I was going through when I was still in my relationship with Rick.  The only difference is that unlike Rick that used to do all sorts of passive-aggressive shit in my direction, Anthony’s boyfriend is apparently lying and covering up on things that he doesn’t want Anthony to know about.  Of course, Anthony’s partner seems to do the same thing when it comes to being confronted in some aggressive manner:  diverting attention from the issue.  This, of course, makes Anthony go off the wall with wanting to know and to push the issue like there was no tomorrow.  I tried talking to him about it, but unfortunately I found halfway through the conversation with him that he had a few glasses of wine, which meant that he wasn’t where he needed to be to understand what I was telling him.  Another unfortunate was the fact that he was hitting on me something awful — and while I didn’t mind it quite so much — it did give a slight spin on things that put me in that moment of moral dilemma that said, “do I continue to talk with him and be a gentleman about it?  Or should I being a gentleman call it a night and try talking with him more when he’s sober?”  In the end though, I did my usual thing — remove Anthony from Messenger, and finished the night chatting with him. 
     Seth on the other hand…  The story with Seth has been a long time to tell…  One that is told in a tale of late night weekend chats…  It’s a story of two lonely men, one terribly hurt between the abuse of a long and drawn out relationship and a broken heart by another man…  The other, the loneliness of after a break up…   Both suffering from the almost agonizing questions of “what have I done wrong?”  and “why can’t I find myself in another relationship?”  Seth had helped me with dealing with the pain and the depression that I had been going through in the last year, by simply listening.  I have been trying to help Seth deal with self-confidence and giving him what little I’ve learned about men and dating.  Friday night though, I had a glass or two of wine and while I had behaved perfectly, I had blurted a lot more out than I should have.  What I mean is that I thought I went over the line of the friendship I had always felt for the man, by telling him deep down inside that I always wanted the best for him. 
     Don’t get me wrong; I most certainly do.  He’s a sweet man, and I’ve always thought that in the time that I’ve known him, he would find himself in a relationship long before I would actually settle down again.  He’s a very handsome man, and I’m rather surprised that he isn’t swatting them off left and right.  But as I thought about it over the weekend — while I was trying to process — I realized that perhaps I might have gone over the line by being quite so open and honest about my feelings for him.  And to make matter worse, I’ve been thinking about Seth through most of the week and what I could do to cheer him up and get him out of that blue funk that he’s had going since the dating disasters he told me about last week.  On the one end, my actions are truly altruistic and wanting the best for him.  On the other, I’ve mulled about some of the flirting Seth had done in my directions and whether or not I should pursue it in any manner.  Ultimately I don’t think it would be right of me to pursue in any way, shape or form, given that he’s something like fifteen years younger than me for starters…  And for another thing I shouldn’t be reading quite so far into his flirting as I did through the week.  

     Oh, and this week, I had also talked a little with Jack about the apparent reputation I’ve been hearing about him from some of the folk online that have met him in real time.  It did not go well in the least, and I have to admit that his reactions to it were more than a little disappointing.  The conversation definitely shows that the man is just not capable of handling the repercussions of his own actions, not to mention that he wasn’t able to answer the simple questions that I had about the things that I had heard about the way he effects people in real time.  I’m also sort of glad that I had washed my hands of the man, given the fact that I had caught lies from him within the first couple of sentences. I have half a mind to post the discussion in my blogs just to see what other people think of it.  I might either do next entry or as a separate entry.  I’m just not sure.  

     Right now though, I’m glad that it’s finally spring.  The weather finally warmed up to the 70’s, which was a good thing, as I was able to actually enjoy a little of the warmth that the South’s been feeling since the beginning of April.  Definitely one of the things that I’m going to miss about not being in the South.  Although I have to say that since it’s warmed up, instead of smelling the odor of pine trees and dogwood pollen being so thick in the air, you can practically walk on it, I get the faint smell of lilac mostly everywhere I walk through Fairmount.  Makes me want to walk about the city and take pictures of the rapidly growing countryside.  Perhaps that’s what I’m going to do this weekend.  

     Well, that will be about it for the time being.  Until the next time…
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