Home > Life or something like it > Entry 06/14/2006 08:59:32 PM – Mentat 279

Entry 06/14/2006 08:59:32 PM – Mentat 279

     I don’t know what’s worse sometimes… Having to be conscious and fighting my impulses to fulfill my hormones, or being unconscious and dealing with my fantasies trying to bust out into the conscious world. Both are utter torments, and neither of them give me any solace as to them being a mark of things to come. *sigh*

     Yesterday I had a day off, and decided on looking into the local gay & lesbian bookstore that’s supposed to be in the area, according to the information in Damron’s. Instead of heading to the East Side straight away, as I seemed to vaguely remember the location of the bookstore from the last time I made a foray to the East Side for pictures on my birthday — halfway to Providence on the bus — I had made the decision that I would make a side trip to a movie. Thought it was a worthwhile trip, given that it was early afternoon, and I didn’t want to be trudging all over Providence until the noontime and post-noontime heat. There are a couple of movies that I wanted to see, and hoped that one of them was still showing at cinemas… Sure enough, it was: X-Men: The Last Stand. Not too bad a summer movie film — which didn’t really need to involve me in a whole lot of brain power (other than perhaps the similarities between mutants and homosexuals, and how they parallel the issues brought to the surface in the last twenty or so years). Although there were a couple of moments over the top (like the entrance to the X-Men to stop Magneto and the Brotherhood from obtaining Leech), and Kelsey Grammer being in it (can’t stand the man — he works my nerves for no apparent reason), I found it entertaining.
     After the movie, I had headed off to McDonald’s in University Heights, partially because I didn’t think it still existed there… Partially because that was part of Providence I still hadn’t ventured to… Sure enough, that was still there, although how I remembered it in my memory was backwards and thought it was closer to Benefit St. Not to mention, imagine my surprise that I found that there was indeed a Whole Foods in the area. Almost went in there, instead of McDonald’s, as I was sure to get the kind of sushi I wanted, including perhaps a Sapporo Beer… But when I saw the pretty gay boys sitting out there in front of the place, and me not feeling particularly pretty or shaved, decided on trucking on over to McDonald’s instead. Ha!! And even after having something like a chicken sandwich and Fruitopia, still felt particularly guilty for not eating the way I wanted to.
     Of course, marching into McDonald’s I would’ve most certainly missed the quasi-entertainment of drama going on in there, as there was this grossly overweight woman, with her head hung down over a table near the ordering counter, water dripping from a plastic bag, that had ice in it, as she tried to keep whatever swelling going on, on the top of her head from some unknown spill she took on the premises. I didn’t see any water anywhere on the floor other than perhaps where her bag of ice was leaking — and could only assume that the woman had taken a spill in the bathrooms. Sat there watching the paramedics, and one of the engines drive up to deal with ensuring the woman was all right, and that they could transport her to the nearest hospital.
    The hormones had gone into overtime, as I sat there watching the driver of the engine, bald, semi-defined, about my age, and his overalls unzipped and being held up by suspenders, talking to the paramedics about either the woman, or some other issue — I couldn’t tell which as he talked with an accent that made it impossible for me to lip read what he was saying. Watched him and his happy little band of men in the engine head around the parking lot, to go pick something up to eat at Whole Foods, practically doubling the guilt I had for not stopping there to begin with. Once he and the engine were gone though — the guilt abated…

     So, sated from eating, and in search of the bookstore that I had originally had in mind — I marched off towards Benefit Street which would lead me off in the direction of Thayer Street, and eventually to the East Side. It was rather interesting walking onto Benefit Street and the lower East Side. No sooner did I end up on Benefit, did the temperature drop at least 5 to 10 degrees (from a combination of the buildings and all the trees that are growing everywhere within the neighborhood). Not to mention that it was noticeably easier walking through there than in the other parts of Providence that I had been that day. Almost as though there had been a lifting of the spirits. I did finally end up on Angell Street, and eventually in front of the bookstore that I had found in Damron’s… What a disappointment that was! Oh, it had a gay & lesbian section all right… All of perhaps a bookcase, and that was towards the center of the store. Sure, it had cards and postcards, but they really weren’t gay & lesbian related, and most of them pretty generic. And practically nothing when it came to Pride paraphernalia.
     I was pretty damned crestfallen about that particular day trip — missing Brushstroke’s and OutWrite’s acutely, and wondering whether I should consider making a day trip or weekend trip to Boston to see whether I could find a better bookstore than an adult bookstore.
From there, I began checking out a couple of apartments that were up for rent, mostly on the East Side, and the old apartment on Atwells that Darin and I used to have. There was one that was opening up on July 1st on Benefit Street that I could afford because all of the utilities were wrapped up under the monthly rent — but when I talked with the person that was attempting to rent it — they expected first, last and security — which was more than $2,100, so I had to gracelessly turn that one down. The other places I saw were about the same price, without utilities. Which are still way too outrageously priced. And the place that Darin and I used to have isn’t up for rent — so that place was pretty much out. So, I’m still going to have to look to find a place, and things aren’t so optimistic there.
     I eventually headed home, feeling sufficiently happy to have gotten out of the house, in spite of some of the thoughts that I had, particularly at the movie.

     Well, that’s about it for the time being. I’ll write more this weekend when I get the chance. Until the next time.
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