Home > Uncategorized > Entry 09/07/2006 02:20:00 PM – Mentat 292

Entry 09/07/2006 02:20:00 PM – Mentat 292

09/08/2006
     How does one go through courses involving morality/theology and not try to understand how it applies to oneself? How does one learn without it becoming an integral part of one’s life? Does it sit there and lay dormant until an epiphany occurs? Or is it just put to the side like trivia to come up when necessary to demonstrate the facade of being learned? Definitely the kind of questions that came up this afternoon, while I was sitting here having a discussion on theology and morality with one of the students at the assignment that I’m currently working at, and decided on trying to engage him into whether he understood the issues of the assignment he was working.
     It’s a hell of a flashback as I sat here having a discussion on some of the things that he was covering within the chapter. I went back to the times I used to head over to Jim L.’s house during the school week and had our discussions on Metaphysics, Objectivism, and just about everything else that came to our heads on the consciousness of self, and service to the world.

     It’s a wonder how this one student will look at the question, pose a generic answer back, but doesn’t actually answer the question from self… Well other than perhaps answer questions on whether or not it pertains to facts about self, then he has positively no issue answering the questions. The fun thing about it is, is the fact that he’s got the rudimentary parts of mental chess down — as you can clearly see him trying to understand what questions I’m asking, and parts of the why — but he doesn’t entirely understand the motivations I have for asking the questions that I ask.
     At about 45 minutes of asking questions and getting partial answers — he began realizing his head was spinning and needed a breather…

     Of course, what makes matters worse is the fact that I have a hell of feeling of deja vu when it comes to this particular student. Although where I’ve seen him remains a mystery. One of the possibilities that I had thought could have been a why was that he’s a native to the state and that perhaps he used to come down to the parks & recreations for the summer lunch program – but the fact that he’s only 20 makes that physically impossible. Which leaves the possibility that I either know him from schlepping around Providence, or he’s an onliner like myself. Not sure of which…

     As for me… This particular contract that I’m currently working at has been a soul-lifting experience of sorts. Sure the pay is really well, and the work load isn’t as outrageously insane as Brooks/Eckerd has been. Not sure whether it’s lasting to the end of the month, or whether it’s just lasting to the end of next week — but either or — it’s a good enough job to get me back into the spirit of wanting to work, instead of loathing the work environment here in the Biggest Little, and wanting ever so desperately to move to another state.
     Heh — to make matter worse — it makes me all too keenly aware of my issue with my wanting/not wanting to get back into the saddle and start dating again. I admit that I’m not too keenly wanting to be self-inspective on this particular issue here while at the contract, but it apparently is making me want to work it out at least subconsciously — given that I’m back to once again having dreams of men, relationships, and (ugh) how it involves my working someplace.

     Take for example last night’s dream… It involved my living still in Providence, and that I was sort of roommates with Rick (back during the time just before I had met Darin). I vaguely remember that during the dream, I had been either driving, or was being driven by someone over a bridge over a very large body of water (not sure whether it was a lake, or lakes and marshes). During the drive, I was speaking with a man that was my boyfriend, and he was rather nervous about not only the job interview that he was going to, but the possibility that he would be moving away (some distance from what I remember of his inference) from where I was.
     I remember telling him as I had helped him fix his tie, that it would be all right whether he would take the job, or if he didn’t — because either way I would make the trip to see him when necessary.
     Sometime later in the dream, I remember making the trip to where he currently was located (I think he actually took the job that he had been hesitant about taking), and I remember that it was quite a distance as I was in the car for an incredibly long time. I had gotten pulled over by the police, and I remember having my ID checked, before I had woke up from the dream. I remember vividly the last thing of the dream was that it was overcast when I had been pulled over, that it was dusk, and that there was quite a lot of wet wind blowing through the area. I had been standing outside of the car (was a convertible), and that I could smell an incoming storm on the wind…
     Interesting given that I don’t always have olfactory segments to my dreams. And it was certainly not overcast or windy when I had woke up this morning.

     Hmmm… What else is there…. My aunt was talking with me when I got home last night and suggested we wander down to the Rhode Island Convention Center to see/meet with Eric Martsolf from Passions. According to her, it’s a free convention; of which I told her she’s "…never seen me gush when I’m properly motivated…"
She told me not to embarrass her while we were there, and failing that, she would walk away from me if she found anything that I did as such…
     Yeah — while I might not actually do anything totally embarrassing, I do have my moments of coming incredibly close. We’ll see how I’m feeling on Saturday and whether or not I want to go to the convention center.

     Well, that’s about it for the time being… Until the next time.
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