Home > Life or something like it > Firsts… In Love and Lust… (Part II)

Firsts… In Love and Lust… (Part II)

01/22/2007
    There are times when I wake up the next morning that I’m so disoriented, while I know I’m me, I don’t always know where I am, and it can take a couple of seconds for my brain to kick into gear from the night before to remind me where I am.  It’s oftentimes made worse because my dreams can be rather long — some involving weeks and months passing by in dream time.  That night had been no exception as I remember vividly waking up, and looking at the wall opposite to where I was sleeping and thinking, where am I?

    The instant I moved my arm to check the time, I realized that I had been sleeping with someone, and it all flooded in with crystal clarity.  Checking the time, I realized that it was about almost five in the morning.  For a couple of moments, I had wrestled with the thought of getting out of bed and getting out on the couch, not because I wanted to, but because I didn’t want Glenn catching the two of us in bed, and possibly raising questions I wasn’t quite willing to answer.  Just as I had made my decision to get out of bed, Tommy had changed positions and began holding me. 
    I laid there pretending that I was asleep for a couple of moments, trying to determine whether Tommy was or not as well.  When I thought that he was asleep, I tried to unwrap myself from him and move to the couch. 
    "Where’re you going, Michael?"  He whispered, clearly not asleep at all. 
    I could’ve said bathroom, but instead rolled over to look at him laying there next to me.  "Was going to get up to get a glass of water," I said instead cursing inside my head for even making up that lie. 
    He moved in to kiss me lightly, "Good morning." 
    I kissed him back. 
    His hand moved from my side, slowly drawing a line to the waistband of my undies. 
    I grinned, "You know, Glenn could wake up at any time.  And if he doesn’t see me on the couch, he’s going to come looking for you next." 
    I felt him move, and thought I saw him shrug.  "Don’t care."  His fingers were slowly lifting the waistband away from me drawing further lines down my abdomen and flirting with trouble. 
    "You should," It was hard for me to talk sense into him considering that I liked the way the he smelled next to me.  Clean.  Manly, and just the right amount of hormones and pheromones.  And it was harder to resist temptation given that it had been close to ten weeks since I had the chance to masturbate, and over nine months since I had sex with a man.  I was getting aroused.
    "Don’t care," he said more insistently and began pulling down my underwear. 
    He threw my undies to the side, took off his next, throwing them in the same basic direction.  He straddled on top of me again, like he had done the night before, and slowly touched, caressed and massaged my chest and stomach. 
    It was a momentarily weird and yet exciting situation.  It was one thing to see the man that I had a crush on and lusted after getting dressed and undressed in the barracks, and while admiring what I had seen but not being able to touch.  It’s quite a different thing to have the man on top of you, straddling you, erection clearly visible, with him touching and caressing me and feeling a combination of heat, and excitement to being there and wondering precisely what to do, where to start…  Whether to kiss, to lick, touch and caress.  So for a while I just looked, and traced the definition of his stomach and chest.  Followed the treasure trail from his navel to his crotch.  Rubbed the hair on the inside of his thighs and following the various lines and definitions down to his knees. 
    I would like to think the first time with Tommy was a passionate, romantic one…  It started off slowly with touching, caressing, and exploring with touch and taste.  I found that he had other spots on him that caused him to get goose bumps — a slow and light touch that traced from the small of his back to his shoulder-blades.  Not only did he get goose bumps, but he got a hell of a shiver from it as well.  It was such a turn on the first time, because he had let out this soft whimper and then shuddered.  Each moment that passed, we found each other’s g-spots, or helping point them out, and turning each other on further. 
    It didn’t take long to built up to a climax because both of us hadn’t had sex or a even a quick masturbation in weeks thanks to the rigors of the Army and Basic Training.  The climax which had happened in about an hour after we woke up left the two of us wrapped in each other’s arms, sweaty, smiling, spent, and smelling like men and sex — that unmistakable smell of clean and fresh sweat and hormones. 
    It was the first time I had experienced a simultaneous orgasm. 
    It was the first time I had looked into another man’s eyes at the climax and seeing the euphoria that hits just before the orgasm. 
    It was the first time that I had been able to orgasm at the hands of another man without being nervous, or self-conscious as to how long it was taking. 
    "Bang, Bang," Tommy said with a sloppy and sweaty smile as he kissed me.
    I laughed a little louder than I had expected, partly because of the innocent smile and look of bliss that I could see in his eyes.  Partly because I didn’t expect him to say anything remotely funny as I didn’t think he had the ability to tell jokes. 
    We laid down, kissing, holding, and touching each other not saying anything; instead simply enjoying the silence and presence of each other’s company. 
    It was also the first time that I had fallen asleep as quickly as I did shortly after having sex with another man. 

    I was awakened with quite a start some time later to the sound of a sharp intake of breath followed closely in an all too loud and all too familiar voice saying, "What the fuck did you two do?!"
    It was Glenn.  He had gotten up and was standing in the doorframe of the bedroom, still clutching the doorknob in his left hand. 
    Tommy and I both shot up suddenly from the shock and surprise. 
    I recovered quickly from the surprise, got out of bed, grabbed my undies and Tom’s skivvies, threw him his, got into mine and said, "What does it look like we did?"
    Glenn was red from the neck up and looking someplace between livid and shocked, "It looks like the two of you fucked in my bed!" 
    "Yes, that’s what happened Glenn.  Is there a problem with that?" 
    He began to storm up at me to stand in my face.  It was an intimidation tactic that he used whenever he had been pushed hard by fellow soldiers at the company because he was at least a head higher than three-quarters of the men in the company; but up to that point he had never used it on me.  "Yes bet your fucking ass there is most certainly a problem!  It was done in my bed!" 
    I felt rather than saw Tommy had moved, and moved fast.  He had come up on Glenn’s left side, took hold of me and firmly moved me back so that he could stand between me and Glenn. 
    "Get the hell out of my way Tommy!  This issue is between me and Newlander!"  (He had actually used Tommy’s last name, but for the sake of anonymity, I’m keeping last names out of it other than perhaps my own). 
    Tommy said in a tone that I had never heard him use before.  A cold tone low tone filled with promise of trouble.  "Touch me, and I’ll take you down.  Touch him," he nodded briefly in my direction behind him, "and I’ll take you out." 
    I could see from where I was standing that Tommy had braced himself for a strike or to be struck.  I also got the distinct impression that hairs on the back of his neck were standing straight out. 
    While I didn’t get to see the look that Tommy had given Glenn when he issued that threat as I was standing directly behind him, the message was clear enough that Glenn had lost most of the red in his face and there was a quaver in his voice that clearly sent the signal he was backing down.  "I won’t touch him, Tommy." 
    Tommy nodded once and said, "Then get out so we can get dressed."  While he didn’t say it quite as soberly as his threat, it was authoritative enough to convince Glenn to leave the room and shut the door immediately. 
    I watched walk to the other side of the bed, pick up his bag, and rummage through for a pair of jeans, a t-shirt, change of undies, and socks.  He stopped when he got all his clothes out, looked over at me, "You okay?" 
    I nodded mutely.  While I wasn’t scared of Glenn’s intimidation technique, as I know from experience that Glenn’s bark was far worse than his bite.  He might have the height, and he might have the weight and arm’s reach, he didn’t have what it takes to fight.  He was geekier than I was. 
    He came up and put his hand on the back of my head pulling me close to him to kiss me.  "I didn’t scare you, did I?" 
    "I think you scared Glenn worse."
    He nodded, and returned to his clothes.  "You’ll have nothing to be afraid of when I’m around.  I promise." 
    He didn’t get dressed, but instead marched out to the bathroom to take a shower. 

    I grabbed a T-shirt, and a pair of shorts from my bag, and went out to the rest of the apartment to find Glenn smoking a cigarette at the kitchen table and looking a bit on the frazzled side.  He had recovered most of his color and his composure, and I sat down opposite of him watching him intently and waiting to see whether he wanted to open, or whether I should. 
    "Sorry I exploded," he said sincerely.  "I didn’t expect to see what I saw, and I just freaked out?" 
    "Forgiven," I said flatly. 
    "Is it love or lust?" 
    I smiled embarrassed.  "Lust."
    "And was he everything you expected?"  He smirked, "Does Tommy talk more than the Spartan he is?" 
    I laughed and shook my head no more in disbelief at the questions rather than to answer his question, "He talks a bit more, however he was everything and then some in what I expected." 
    He continued questioning me, some of the questions quite intimate.  I answered some, pleaded the fifth on others.  Glenn wanted
    When Tommy came out of the shower, dressed and ready he took a look at me, then Glenn, then me again and asked, "You okay?"  He looked sternly at Glenn, and for one moment and then totally ignored him. 
    I nodded and smiled, "things are all right now." 
    "I’m going to take a shower," Glenn said while putting out his third cigarette he had been chain smoking the entire time, "After you Michael, we should go out for breakfast, get some coffee, check out the rest of the town." 
    I nodded to Glenn and watched Tommy.  Glenn walked by Tommy, Tommy got out of his way still totally ignoring him and paying attention to me. 
    The instant Glenn had shut the door to the bathroom, Tommy smiled the very same smile he did when we were lying in each other’s arms only a couple of hours before.   He walked up, leaned over, kissed me, and took to a seat closer to me, creating an intimate space between the two of us.  "Is Glenn all right?" 
    I smiled, "we just surprised him there in his bed." 
    He took my hand into his, "It was great last night." 
    Yes, it was, I thought.  I just smiled. 
    "What are you feeling?"  He asked me somberly, without a smile, and looking almost hopeful.
    I smiled looking into his eyes, "Euphoria.  The impulse to turn you on again.  Blowing off Glenn to spend more time with you here at the apartment." 
    Tommy blushed.  The first time I ever made a man blush.  It started in his cheeks and moved to his ears.  He had smiled a lusty smile, but was choked up to say anything more.  He leaned in and kissed me again.  I came to learn in the weeks ahead that if he was struck speechless or shared my enthusiasm in something he would kiss me if we had the privacy or discretion was on our side. 
    He didn’t say much to me after that kiss, simply enjoying the proximity, holding my hand, and waiting patiently for Glenn to get out of the shower so that I could next, and then later head out to check out the sites of Chicago. 

    In the weeks to come, Tommy and I grew close really fast.  When we could get off base after our training and courses through the day, we would check out the city (Indianapolis), the night clubs in the city or on the base (there were two there at the time), the woods and fields and farmlands outside the base, the reserves inside the base.  We had experimented, explored, learned more about each other physically and emotionally, but not always mentally.  I always got the impression that there had been a wall up around Tommy’s thoughts. 
    I do know that he was more open emotionally and sometimes mentally when he and I were together, alone and away from everyone else than he was when he was around people.  He would smile, joke, ask questions (particularly of some of the issues Glenn and I debated earlier in the day), always listening but not necessarily interjecting his opinion on any side of the debate.  When he was around people, he was reserved, stoic, Spartan (keeping to the phrases that we knew and got used to when he was around). 
    One time Glenn tried to goad him into talking, which Tommy didn’t take the bait.  Instead of telling Glenn to shut up, he simply went quiet, and stared through Glenn.  It wasn’t a threatening look, but rather a look that said, ‘I don’t see or hear you there.’  He would do it until Glenn stopped trying to goad him on. 

    I also got to see the look that Tommy gave Glenn that first day when Glenn caught us in bed together.  I also got to see him in action too if he were to follow up We were out at the base club, having a couple of whiskeys and listening to the dance music playing there. 
    It was my turn to buy the drinks, and picked them up at the bar.  I had accidentally bumped into one of the soldiers standing near to the bar where I had picked them up and spilled my drink on him.  I had attempted to apologize, offered to pay for the dry cleaning on his Class B’s (pants, and short sleeve shirt – why he was wearing it there, I had no idea).  He wasn’t much taller, about an inch, maybe two.  About the same weight as me.  Had a wild look about his eyes, the kind that said he’s gung-ho about being in the military. 
    As he was getting further into my face and getting uglier in the process, I did my best to put the drinks down before I was wearing what’s left, while trying at the same time not to look away while this soldier was getting more and more hostile.  I had turned away a second to ensure I put the drinks down on the bar, and when I turned, saw he was raising getting ready to either grab me by the shirt, or push me to antagonize me further in fighting with him. 
    Tommy must’ve been watching what was going on from about the start, because he had come up on the man quickly.  As the man was about to grab or push me, Tommy grabbed him by the wrist and spun the soldier to face him. 
    Tommy shook his head no and he wagged his finger in the negative only once. 
    The soldier leered down at him and began screaming into his face, and telling Tommy to stay the fuck out of it. 
    Then I saw the look from Tommy.  He locked his eyes on the soldier’s that conveyed the look pure coldness.  It’s the kind of look you’d expect from someone that could murder, or seriously maim.  Tommy said loudly, "Go back to you barracks, soldier.  You’re drunk!  Sleep it off." 
    "Not without taking a piece out of this clumsy candy-ass, private."
    "Fine!"  He started, "If you can take me out, you can have a go at him."
    "Fine!  Let’s take it outside!" 
    Tommy motioned to the door.
    The soldier tried to sucker punch Tommy.
    Tommy had moved just fast enough that the punch only clipped his cheek.   He took hold of the soldier’s wrist, pivoted, got one leg between the soldier’s legs and in one smooth movement pushed the right way and tripped him forward, pinning his arm up behind the soldier’s back.  Tommy put his knee into the soldier’s back and said, "You lose!  Go back to your barracks and sleep it off." 
    "Let me up!" The soldier was pissed and sounded like a sore loser.
    Tommy got up from him and let go his arm. 
    Fortunately being on base when it happened, the MP’s came in quickly to ensure nothing more would happen.  They had convinced the soldier to walk it off and leave the building and escorted him out before he could do anything to retaliate. 
    I looked at Tommy’s cheek.  It looked like a minor scrape, with the threat of puffing up a bit more if he didn’t get any ice on it. 
    I looked over at the bartender and asked for ice and a towel. 
    Tommy got my attention and shook his head no.  He touched his cheek, didn’t flinch when he did, checked his fingers for blood and simply pointed towards the door. 
    I nodded and followed him out. 
    We talked a little about the fight and how quickly he had moved.  He told me that his father was a police officer in his hometown, and that his father had expected him to follow in his footsteps in joining the police force.  He thought about doing it, but changed his mind last minute and joined the military instead.  He had learned jujitsu and tae kwon do when he was in high school.  He said that the recruiters thought that he should be an MP or special forces given the amount of armed-to-armed training that he took prior to joining up, but wanted to work on repairing helicopters instead. 
    We were quiet the rest of the way back to the barracks. 

    Three weeks after the fight at the bar, the three of us had once again scored a weekend pass.  It was a Thursday in August.  The first or the second week; I can’t remember correctly (you’ll understand why in a minute).  Hot, and muggy as hell.  There was no air conditioning in the car; so so we had all the windows open.  We were on the western access road heading out of the base and into town for a bite at one of the local restaurants and a little shopping at the Indianapolis Mall.  It was sufficiently late, that the sun was coming down on the road, making it difficult to see all that far ahead of the car. 
    Glenn was driving as it was his Civic.  I was sitting in the back seat because Tommy had called shotgun.  Both of them wearing sunglasses, I forgot mine at the barracks, and told them I didn’t want to go back to pick them up because I was particularly annoyed with sticking around the base and wanted off as quick as we could possibly get off base. 
    Glenn and I were debating some recent piece of news involving Regan and the Star Wars Defense Plan, which was one of the few times we debated anything and finding both of us agreeing on everything within the debate.  
    Tommy staring out the passenger’s side window at the fields passing on by. 
    I sat back for a bit once that debate was over, and waiting to see whether Glenn was going to pick another, or whether he was leaving it open to me to pick and choose.  After a particularly hard day trying to understand the basics of FORTRAN programming, and a teacher that made learning it as clear as speaking Chinese, I decided not to throw the next topic out, and enjoyed the silence and the drive. 
    I could see Glenn looking over at Tommy for a long moment and saw Tommy look back at him. 
    I poked forward to look at Glenn who was looking shocked.  I looked over at Tommy who had a grin that I recognized.  It was that grin of contentment. 
    "Well Tom?  What’s that grin for?"  Glenn was trying to goad him. 
    He ignored Glenn’s goading and looked at me.  He pulled off his sunglasses and that sober, hopeful look he gave when he was trying to gauge my reaction was in his eyes, "Michael," he paused and screwed up his courage, "I love you."
    Glenn let out a shocked gasp. 
    I sat back amazed, shocked, and feeling butterflies in my stomach. 
    Tommy looked over the top of the headrest of his seat at me. 
    I was embarrassed.  I know I was turning red; I could feel the heat in my face and ears.  I was shocked speechless.  Eric had never said the word love to me, even though I had said it to him several times.  The honest look on Tommy’s face when he said it, and the sincerity that he had said it left no room for doubt in my heart or mind. 
    "Tommy," I started while trying to regain my composure.  "I…" 
    I looked forward and saw a deuce and a half barreling on our side of the road and coming straight at us. 
    "Glenn!" I said pointing.
    Tommy got back into his seat quick and braced.
    Glenn saw it only when he looked back, saw me pointing and stopped looking to see what was going on between Tommy and me.  He tried to veer to the other side of the road, but the driver in the deuce having seen where he was and what was going on turned towards us and back to his side of the road.
    Glenn couldn’t turn again, the deuce was too close and hit us head on. 
    The last thing I remember was hitting the seats in front of me, continuing over, and hitting the windshield with my skull.  I blacked out upon impact.

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