Home > Life or something like it > Entry 07/14/2007 05:34:31 AM – Mentat 343

Entry 07/14/2007 05:34:31 AM – Mentat 343

     The day after my last journal entry, and the 7-page e-mail that I put together for an acquaintance of mine reinforced what I had been thinking the last week. Perhaps I’m not quite as screwed up as half of the people that I’ve dealt with in the last year. I mean, sure I’ve got my damage, and sure, I’ve got my luggage (not all of it matching mind you), but compared to what I dealt with from my trip to Boston, and coupled with the insanity of the hoops jumping that I do at work — perhaps I’ve got my head screwed on correctly after all. Of course, this is sometimes questionable, given that as I’m sitting here, I’m trying to recall the exact day that I had seen this, and am failing miserably recalling it correctly. *grins*

     Maybe it was just last night (Thursday).

     I was heading to work, and I was on the 54 on the way into Providence. I remember that I had finished listening to the Feast of Fools someplace near to Twin River/Lincoln Woods and that I had swapped out to some of the more hardcore trance/techno on my iPod. I had a serious moment where I was jonesing for a large iced coffee from Dunkin’.
     Somewhere near to the church at the corner of Charles and Branch Ave, I remember seeing three people got on the bus, two young ladies, and a young man. The ladies were sitting together in the first forward-facing seats giggling and chatting to each other. The young man sitting there in the elderly section of the bus facing inward and carrying in a scrunched up shopping bag, a single rose with some baby’s breath in a simple presentation.
     I was rather struck by the oddness of it, given that he had both eyebrows pierced, the smaller sized ear expanders, and tattoos clearly covering both forearms; almost as though they were sleeves in process. He was dressed in a single black t-shirt, dark mustard jean shorts (the kind of shorts most of these thug-wannabes wear that are low-rider in the crotch and end up halfway down the shin), Vans or Lugs for sneakers (can’s be sure which), and low-riding socks.
     He was easily early 20s. Black hair cut short, dark eyes (from what I could see of them, as I was about 10 feet from where he was sitting), Latin or Latino based on the olive color of his complexion. He was wearing a baseball cap, no markings as to whether it was sports. However, I noted the cap wasn’t tilted or the bill to the side like the thug-wannabes or wiggers would wear them; it sat on his head traditionally.
     I was fascinated by the vision I was seeing. He was handsome in that waiting for the rest of the baby fat to burn off his face. I watched him talk with the two young ladies that he had gotten on the bus with, and he seemed mild-mannered. He didn’t smile in their direction, but his attitude was jovial and friendly enough.
     I turned down my iPod for a moment, and recognized immediately as I sat there eavesdropping only a little bit, that he was born and raised in Rhode Island; his dropping of the hard R sound, and the way he said certain words unmistakable.
I turned up my iPod again and continued watching him. The remainder of the trip where he got off at the front of Capitol Grille, the most he did was only half-smile once in the direction of the two young ladies that he had spoken with during his segment trip, but the ladies giggled and chatted and occasionally cooed in his direction because they clearly were turned on by him.
     I even lip-read as he was getting off the bus after he confirmed directions, a "thank you" to the two ladies. No doubt assisting him in which direction, he needed to go.
     I smiled to myself. I didn’t once get the vibe as to whether he was gay or not, but it didn’t really matter to me. What mattered is the way that this young man had shattered through all sorts of preconceived notions that I had based on the manner that he dressed, the inking and the piercings that I could see on him, the way that he presented himself, and left me admiring a young man going out on a first date.
     And the selfish kid in me said right after I realized that, "I want that too!"

     Yes indeed, I do.

     I have been the initiator most of my life. I have also been the romantic as well. Heh, sure there have been times when my approach to romance has been totally unconventional; it is still romantic notions nonetheless. So the question that comes to mind, as I sit here writing about what I had seen and realizing exactly what I want, is how do I attract that kind of element into my life? And more importantly — how far am I willing to travel or go in order to have that come into my life?
     Not easy questions to say the least. Nor are they something I can answer right off the top of my head. Once again… More things to think about.

     Until the next time.

  1. Precious
    07/16/2007 at 6:57 am

    "I want that too!"   Yeah.  That’s essentially where I am.  Well, wanting.  And refining the wanting. Then the question comes in… what is it I am doing that is getting in the way of getting what I want?  My best friend says that it’s deeply wrong to change me just to attract someone, and sure, when you say it that way.  But if I am doing something that sabotages me getting what I want…  That’s pretty deeply wrong not to change it, isn’t it?  peach   working on the solutions

  2. Echo People
    07/24/2007 at 8:05 am

    PEACH WROTE:  "My best friend says that it’s deeply wrong to change me just to attract someone, and sure, when you say it that way.  But if I am doing something that sabotages me getting what I want…  That’s pretty deeply wrong not to change it, isn’t it?"If you’re changing yourself for someone else yeah, it’s wrong but if you’re changing yourself for YOU (i.e. to stop sabotaging yourself) then there’s nothing wrong with that.  The difference is who you’re changing for.

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