Home > Life or something like it > Entry 09/15/2007 11:11:03 PM – Mentat 354

Entry 09/15/2007 11:11:03 PM – Mentat 354

     The last of the computer upgrades has finally been completed…  The sound card and the 5.1 Surround Sound System has been installed to replace the 2.1 system that had a short in the main speakers.  As you’ll remember, I had ordered a 5.1/7.1 sound card from Lagoom (http://www.lagoom.com) that I had to replace because the sound card was a half-height/slim that wouldn’t fit into the case.  So for a swap out, and $4.50 more (return and restocking, and the exchange costs), I was able to get a 24-bit Audigy Card. Fortunately for me, Customer Service over at Lagoom ensured that I had ordered a full-height card, and in a couple of days after my return being received, I got the replacement card. 
     So far, so happy…  I like the quality of the speaker system that I had bought, and what I’ve been hearing out of both the speakers, and the headphones is more than satisfactory for me wants, let alone my needs.  About the only thing that I’m concerned about was when I performed the updates on the sound card drivers — it has this rather annoyingly loud pop/crackle that makes me think of some sort of grounding issue, once the drivers have been properly installed.  I’m keeping an ear peeled to ensure that it’s only something happens when it’s the driver updates, and not an actual problem.  *keeping fingers crossed*
     Another thing that I find particularly annoying is that since the Live! series they have cut down on the outlets on the card.  Particularly the Mic-In and Line-In jacks.  Seems that on the Audigy, they’re one in the same, which might become a chore for me having to swap out between the two for the moment, because the TV Card also requires it.  Tomorrow, I’m going to foray out to Wally World and perhaps Radio Shack to see whether or not I can acquire some sort of Y-splitter so that the line in can be shared between the microphone, and the TV-Card…  But at the moment though, it’s a quick struggle under the desk and choosing the right hardware for the single plug. 
     Also the good thing is that I did a reboot to Ubuntu and it would appear that Ubuntu had no problems accessing the controls for the sound card, even though Windows did have an issue with the hardware swap out.  Didn’t actually go into the OS to confirm, but at least when I booted to the Welcome Screen in Ubuntu – I heard the familiar drum-roll.  I’ll try later on once I finish up on this journal entry. 

     God, I’m glad this is a three day weekend for me.  The last week had been a hell of a chore with the utter-fucking bullshit that I’ve been watching bouncing around in e-mail about procedures.  At first I was under the impression that this place being in such a state of flux was having a difficult time keeping track of the procedures that are flying out of the management offices.  Now however, I’m clearly under the impression that they’re making the shit up as they go along.
     Now for those of you that don’t know (although I’m sure most of you do), hospitals and health care providers are supposed to enact HIPAA in order to protect patient information from leaking to non-care facilities and personnel.  Basically, the easiest way (not to mention the most common sense) to ensure HIPAA is being followed is to ensure that names cannot be associated to treatments, or even that a person had been at the hospital/health care provider.  How HIPAA states it is "confidentiality of Uniquely identifying data from being exposed to non-health care providers…"  (in so many non bureaucratic terms).  Up until this week when dealing with it from a Helpdesk Environment is to simply use the Medical Record number in the Incident because all it is, is a number.  Well, that all changed when a certain supervisor of the Helpdesk said that information can’t be put into the tickets.
     Uhhh…  The instant that I read that particular e-mail I almost had a Tourette’s moment and typed into a message that the world would’ve seen, "Uhhh, are you a Fucking Moron?!"    Fortunately for me, I got hold of myself…  Three or four times that evening before I had to move the entire conversation from my inbox to a sub-folder so that I could maintain my version of "out of sight/out of mind".  But that didn’t stop me from doing a whole lot of research on their current HIPAA policies and found three of their procedures that were more than adequate to prove to them that their system was mostly secure, even though they don’t have a clue as to how HIPAA operates. 
     The next morning when Ed came into work, I asked him whether he had seen the e-mail from Kara, which he hadn’t, as he only saw a part of the conversation prior to calling it a day.  When he saw the e-mail stating that no Medical Record numbers should be in the Incident/Tickets; he started the rampage, that I had completed three hours before stating, "I don’t even know how many of the Procedures out there that have Medical Record numbers as part of the procedures."
     I tried to explain to him how HIPAA worked, explained that I had three URLs I could give him that explain the basics of Minimum Information in a Helpdesk Environment, and even provided for him the three security procedures in place that explain it, and control it (sort of). 
     Towards the end of the duty shift, he remarked to me, "You have entirely too much time on your hands to have researched as much as you’ve researched…" 
     I told him, "You have no idea how many times I have to fight with her because she gives me conflicting information.  I know you’ve seen a couple, but there’s more e-mail out there that you haven’t seen." 
     At the present time, I’m under the impression that it’s still under debate/discussion…  However, I’m prepared to fight it if they don’t think this one entirely through, given that I have more experience with HIPAA in a non e-PHI environment (PracticeWorks), and e-PHI environment (Brooks/Eckerd, Medicaid, Blue Cross/Blue Shield), of which out of all the places that I had worked, Brooks/Eckerd clearly had the clearest explanation of learning HIPAA Policies and Guidelines, and made the foray into reading the HIPAA manual 4 years ago that much easier to comprehend. 

     Oh, yeah…  The other drama from last week.  I said that I was going to mention it, but didn’t have the time the last journal entry as I had been working on getting the last journal entry uploaded prior to me going to bed.  It deals with Uncle…  Apparently uncle left me a voicemail message while I was sleeping, asking about the next time I had off to get together.  I nodded to myself and said I’ll give him a call either later on or the next day, as I was in a particularly grumpy mood because his call, and a call from Keegan spilled the phone off the ledge, and scuffed the back of the phone up, not to mention I don’t wake up well if I’m over-tired. 
     The instant I get ready to take a shower, my aunt tells me that I need to call my uncle as soon as possible; which sent me further into a dark and grumpy mood.  I said to her, "God, what is it this time.  Does he think I’m at his every beck and call and I need to stop everything in order to make those calls?!  I’m not!  I’ll call him when I’m good and goddamned ready!" and stormed into the bathroom for a shower. 
     Sure, a really hot and slow shower will calm me down.  So will coffee (in the most significant way) once I get onto the road and hit Kennedy Plaza and get an Iced Latte from Starbuck’s.  But I won’t be getting that Latte ’til about 9:15’ish, which meant that I’m going to be in a hell of a dour mood and not perky enough to want to deal with anyone familiar ’til the caffeine hits my system. 
     I get to the bus stop on South Main St and between a text between Keegan and I, it felt as though the phone rang (I usually leave it in vibrate in public, because while I enjoy the hell out of my ring tone (http://www.feastoffools.net/podpress_trac/web/266/0/mini-2007-04-24-stopthatphone.mp3), I generally don’t play it in public because I believe one’s phone should be quiet amidst all the other noise of everyday life.  Unlike Sprint’s system which has three separate categories (Incoming, Outgoing, and Missed); Version doesn’t have a Missed, which means you have to go into the Incoming to check for checkboxes…  Didn’t see one, so I shrugged, thought that I had imagined things, and completed the draft SMS that I was sending to Keegan.  To give you an idea on how over-tired I was, I remember distinctly sleeping on the bus ride from Woonsocket to Providence. 
     Got into Providence late because the bus drivers are new to the routes, and aren’t particularly familiar with the routes, which meant that I missed out heading to Warwick to pick up an Iced Coffee at Dunkin’ (like I did last week), and even didn’t have time to pick up a Latte from Starbuck’s.  Needless to say, I am not in the least bit amused at this point because the last thing I want to do is head into work, be decaffeinated, and deal with some stupidity bombshell in my inbox that will get me ranting for the next couple of hours.
     Didn’t feel my phone ring on the bus from Providence to Warwick, but apparently felt the voicemail alarm (which is significantly shorter than the incoming ring.  Before going to check voicemail, and see in the Incoming a Private listing.  I rolled my eyes, because I had been getting several Private calls which usually meant that the last owner of my phone number’s parents were calling and asking their son call back. 
     Get into my voicemail, and find that it was uncle — he had called from the landline which is an unlisted and will be marked as Private, and listening to that short 15 second message realized that he sounded totally like one of my psycho ex’s spouting off something about "that’s how it is…" and "attitude…"
     I deleted the message, rolling my eyes into the back of my head and muttering to myself, "it’s like having a stalking boyfriend, without the boyfriend part…" 
     At first I thought about calling him back immediately and telling him that this psycho-shit of his needs to be curbed, as not everyone drops everything to make calls to family.  Then thought twice about it.  Thought twice about calling him at 2, 3, and 4 in the morning demanding him call me back immediately, to show him perspective of the calls that he makes to me at 6 in the evening have the same effect with me. 
     I talked with my aunt the next day and she said to simply leave it alone and let him calm down on his own; and so far that’s what I’ve done.  Although I have a sneaking suspicion the longer that I leave things alone, the longer it’s going to fester ’til it’s a real problem with his anger issues.  *shrugging*  But then, I know how to deal with that form of drama best of all (read: Totally Confrontational). 
     *sighs*  Yeah, that’s the last of last week’s drama.

[Last edited: 09/16/2007 06:59:10 AM]

     As for some of the other things going on in my life…  I finally did follow through with my want to discuss things a bit more serious with Jer, apparently to some pretty bad detriments.  The first time I attempted to speak of things a little more seriously, he had been over-tired and had gone off the deep end taking some of the things I had discussed in the wrong way and needing time to calm down, think things through and get a respite.  The second time he didn’t understand what I was doing — stormed offline — and when I had asked him to come back online so that we can talk about it civilly, he stayed offline and proceeded to send me an SMS that pretty much read that he didn’t want to come back online because he had his fill of me putting "words in his mouth…" 
     *takes a deep breath*  I always hated that phrase.  It’s so misused by people nowadays, it’s not funny.  The only way you can truly put words in someone’s mouth is an intentional misrepresentation of what they said.  However, what I did was interpret what he was saying based on my experience with what he was saying and trying to get clarification.
     Seeing him storm off like that, and couple it with the time he walked off wanting his own space, I sent him an SMS which I felt was the proper thing to send — that I hoped him goodwill and hoped he’ll find what he’s looking for, because I apparently wasn’t it.  At the time, I could see the justification of my saying that with perfect clarity.  I’m not what he was looking for — what he wants is something idyllic that will allow him whatever reign he wants to go — with little to no grounding.  What I need is grounding.  I work best with my feet planted firmly on the ground, looking to the stars, and trying to make sense of the chaos and entropy around the order that I need in my life. 
     Of course, he didn’t see it that way, which caused him to send me 5 SMS messages in rapid-fire instead of coming back online and talking about it.  I know that two of those messages didn’t come completely through as I saw at the end of them */MISSING TEXT/*, and it didn’t help matters any that in the middle of this scatter-shot, I’m having to deal with a particularly difficult tech support call involving Cerner.
     He eventually did come back online, and after explaining to him that I was trying to understand the non-linear manner he thought in the linear way that I’m accustomed to, apologized…  But not before him throwing out an all-too-familiar passive-aggressive remark about my making it "all his fault", and using an ex’s nickname at me, instead of calling me by name or my own nickname.  Let me tell you I didn’t like what I had seen in that Freudian at all.  It’s the kind of thing that I’ve done only once in my life, and did that while I was in the Army with a total stranger (Patrick B, who at the time of his whining reminded me entirely too much of the way Eric used to whine). 
     While he did apologize for the way that he had acted about the situation, and I had accepted the apology…  I’m left feeling as though I’m having second thoughts about this foray.  I find it hard to be serious/take what he says seriously because while he feels as though he’s sharing things with me that he hasn’t shared with anyone else before — I am simply not familiar with the light-hearted nature of this sort of sharing.  Humor and sarcasm are tools for me, and while I like a good laugh as anyone else does, and like making people laugh — I’ve learned that seriousness can often convey with it the necessary messages of honesty and truthfulness.  Particularly since humor is used as a means for most people I’ve encountered in my life a method of deflecting from the truth. 
     On the way home from work yesterday, I had some rather disheartening thoughts about the dispute that we had the evening before.  Particularly over the fact that he had called me by his ex’s nickname.  There was something else about that dispute set me off on the way home yesterday, but at the moment, it’s rather difficult for me to remember precisely.  *thinks a couple of moments*  Nope, it doesn’t look like I’m going to remember it this entry ’round. 

     I do remember other things I thought about at the way home while I was listening to Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children.  For one, I will be go to hell if I’m going to end up in the maw of another passive-aggressive relationship running through minefields under the feeling of automatic weapon fire like the last one.  I would prefer to be single (perhaps even alone) for the rest of my life going through what I had put up with the five years I was with Rick.  I also not for one moment hesitate in walking away without a second thought if I find myself having to fight and argue like I did with Rick. 

     Now that I’ve calmed down and centered (well mostly)…  While the disappointments and disheartenment have faded and have become the past, the nagging doubts — naturally remain.  Of course, I don’t think it’s helped matters much looking back at Firsts… (written earlier in the year) and contemplating whether I should flesh it out to being a short story instead of leaving it as a three-part e-mail… 
     *taking another deep breath*  I feel as though I’m missing something, but I don’t know what.  A vital element is missing in this — either something in me, or that I’m waiting for some sort of catalyst…  Heh, perhaps I’m still waiting for some sign.  Not the sign that I need to have in order to go out and live again.  I’ve had the sign, and I seem to be doing rather well by it even though it’s rather difficult to live among the day walkers when I’m a creature of the night.  Although I admit that I could most assuredly do more about it.  Certainly not the sign that it’s time to get out there and try to get up on the relationship horse and start dating.  At this time in my life, the myriad of dates and meeting total strangers in the hope that some chemistry happens, something hoping to click — isn’t what I really need (or want to be blatantly honest.  It’s one thing to market myself for a job, it’s quite another to market myself as a potential husband material). 
     Hah, you know as I’m sitting here I’m hearing that ‘other’ voice (that one that sounds like reason or cynicism, depending on how you listen to it) in my head saying…  "You know, the last time you waited for a sign, you ended up with Rick…"  *chuckling mirthlessly*  Yeah, and the last time before that I ended up with Wayne too, complete with the restraining orders. 

     I’ve got to think about this…  Off for the time being…  Until the next time…

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