Home > Uncategorized > Entry 10/04/2007 09:08:06 PM – Mentat 359

Entry 10/04/2007 09:08:06 PM – Mentat 359

10/05/2007
     Get rid of the stress associated to working in an environment that is in a constant state of flux.  Get rid of the apparent incompetence of people given positions they shouldn’t have been given to begin with.  Add to my ADD my overwhelming desire to spend time listening to some hardcore trance…  Add playing games that I haven’t played since the last time I had been off; my SNES Emulator, Final Fantasy VII (now that I’ve got the thing loaded up and the Anti-Virus program isn’t trying to remove the patch for a false-positive result), Warcraft III War chest (which I’ve finally completed all the missions, Dark Forces II (yeah, I’m digging out the more than a decade old games)…  Add watching a couple of the shows that I haven’t watched in months because I was usually enroute to work…  And well, excluding my desire to write, and you get an image of what I’ve been doing for the last week and a half.  *chuckles*  Yeah, I’m rather disappointed over the fact that I haven’t had all that much gumption to writing…  Be it e-mails (which I owe at least one e-mail and it’s currently in draft), or the short stories that I’ve been sort of spending my time writing while I was waiting for calls to come in and I had completed all the work assigned to me for the evening.  But the reason why I’m not writing has to do not so much with my lack of desire to write, but the fact that I used to have to force myself to write in order to pass the time, which will almost always create the lack of desire at least for a couple of weeks when I’m between assignments.  I’ll probably be back to wanting to write in another week or so… 
     Had another scare with the cat.  I thought that she had a blockage like she did a couple of years ago but it turned out that she was having one of her patented hissy fits about the food that she’s been given.  The problem was that she wasn’t throwing-up anything that she was eating, and had a hell of an appetite for whatever it was that I was eating.  Not to mention that she wasn’t running a temperature, and her nose was wet as usual.  Took me a little to figure it out, but I did.  Apparently she doesn’t like the dry food that was bought the last time, and like the time she was a kitten 9 years ago, would throw a hunger strike and not eat it at all.  So I rushed out to Wally World, picked up Friskies which I knew she didn’t have a problem with at all in the years that I had fed it to her, and voila…  She’s back to eating again.  Hell, she’s sitting on my lap at the moment, and the drool machine’s currently running because she’s got me home, and getting as much attention as she can possibly get from me.  Of course, the worst part of it has been the fact that she’s going out of her way while I’m sleeping at night to be in my face, or someplace where I can hold her like a teddy bear…  Nice as it is, sometimes I need a little of my own space without her drooling or kneading into my armpits while I’m snoring myself unconscious. 

     Of course, the worst part of being so overwhelmed with input has to do with the kind of dreams that I’ve been having…  The night before’s was simply the worst of them.  It was one of those winter-type dreams where I was trying to get someplace — a mall I think.  It was a mall that I’ve had a dream about before, but I know doesn’t remotely exist in reality.  (Thinking about it, I think it’s my interpretation of Lincoln Mall now, which is a combination Mall, and Strip Plaza).  I was there with my ex, Dan and he was trying to dig through the ice and snow in the parking lot for the strongbox that he had buried there because he needed a little of the money that he had put there to pay off the remaining portion of his Student Loan…  I think that the money that had been buried there was stolen, as I seem to recall something illegal about it.  I remember making a comment to Dan while he had dug up the strongbox that my mother also had a student loan which was close to being default because she hadn’t paid on it for years.  (Stranger thing that, my mother never went to college). 
     But the most disturbing part of the dream had to do with the fact that somewhere along the lines, Will had obtained my cell phone number, and had left a message there asking me to get in contact with him.  I tried several times to get the message from my voicemail, but couldn’t make out the number that he had left me either because of reception or the amount of background noise at the mall made it impossible to hear it. 

     Funny thing about this is the fact that I was just as distraught in my dream about getting that message from Will as I was waking up and realizing that I had another dream about him.  I’ll admit that it was a personal hell waking up from that dream, let me tell you.  Just when I thought that both consciously and unconsciously I had come to accept the way that things have come to pass between him and my, my unconscious decides on revisiting it to see whether I could handle the revisit properly.  At the moment though, I’m not as distraught about it as I was yesterday — but the fact that I’m still a tad disturbed about this a day later tells me it’s something that I need to meditate on a little bit more. 

     Not too much else going on at the moment.  I’ll probably write again this week after a couple of meditations on this, and some of the other random thoughts that I’ve had this week considering that my dreams are back to being wild, weird, sci-fi, fantasy, and generally the kind of surreal experiences I used to have prior to becoming a creature of the night.  Until the next time.

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