Home > Romance/Relationships > Entry 11/19/2007 06:21:36 PM – Mentat 371

Entry 11/19/2007 06:21:36 PM – Mentat 371

11/20/2007
     Like the highs, there has got to be lows…  And once again, I’m back in the lows.  The man that moved me down to my foundations, decides to go back to his first love.  And like the Newlander Curse that I’ve had to deal with most of my adult dating life, that means that they’ll live happily ever after, and I’m left wondering what the hell hit me, and how long is it going to be before either the shock or the surprise hits, and I end up feeling as miserable as I know I should be feeling.  Fortunately for me, I’m working on something like three hours of sleep for the morning, and an additional four for the afternoon, so I’m not quite where I should be for this.  And I’m not sure how long it’s going to be before it all just sinks in, and I’ll be as miserable as I am capable of…  And believe me, I can be extremely miserable in these matters. 
     Of course, the routine thoughts are going through my head when I went to sleep this morning, and again when I was sitting here watching my movie marathon (I decided on watching movies today until I get sick of watching all the repeats…  Given the way that this played out…  Do I want to go through this all over again?  Do I want to wait for him until he realizes that perhaps the boyfriend he’s going back to, might not be as honest or as trying as he appears to be?  And of course, my personal favorites: Do I want to stay online?  Or has my expiration date for being one of the few Ancients left from a bygone time been long since reached?  Should I stick around, or should I log off the net like the other Ancients and disappear into the great beyond with the rest of them, and only deal with e-mail now and again and lurking in the background with only close friends (if that)? 
     *sighs* Of course, my cat knows that’s something’s terribly wrong with me, because she’s been on top of me from the moment I went to bed this morning at 5 o’clock to now, only getting off of me long enough to eat her two cans of food that I put out for her in the morning and then again this evening.  Which means that for the next couple of days, while I’m picking up the pieces and waiting for the shock to settle in, she’s going to be on me like wet on rain. 

     I think that the worst part about this is, is that I continue to dream about the man.  In fact, in the last two weeks, I’ve had more dreams about him than I have any of my other boyfriends combined…  Well save one, and I can’t really count that one, as it’s usually involving the car accident so many years ago.  And I’m afraid that it’s not going to end either because I had two more dreams about him.  One this morning after we chatted and said our good-byes as intimates, and again when I took a nap this afternoon. 

     Well, I’m off for the time being.  Need some more sleep, and a couple of more movies to watch before I get tired of all this, and I return to a point where I once as before.  Not sure how I’m going to do that, but when I get some more sleep, I’m sure I’ll figure it out.  Until the next time. 

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Categories: Romance/Relationships
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