Home > Romance/Relationships > Entry 12/17/2007 09:49:34 AM – Mentat 376

Entry 12/17/2007 09:49:34 AM – Mentat 376

12/17/2007
     As the holidays keep coming closer and closer, I’m finding myself someplace between anxious and wanting them to be over and done with, and enjoying the moments with D and his exuberance for the holiday season.  D’s got such an infectious attitude when it comes to the holidays, that it’s hard for me not to be part of it.  It’s pretty amazing to me, given that I survived four holiday seasons of pure hell with Rick, and the following three after that simply wanting to keep my head down and getting through them with as little grief as possible that I find myself smiling or grinning when I hear something Christmas-like on my radio when I wake up in the morning.  It almost reminds me of the cheer that I used to have just prior to my meeting Rick.  Who knows?  Maybe next year I might be back to actually enjoying the holidays… 
     Of course, this might also become a test come this weekend, as I’ve been told that Uncle Armand & Auntie Norma are throwing the mother’s side of the family Christmas party this weekend and my Aunt has been asking now and again whether I’m going to attend or not.  I’m definitely split on that one.  On the one side, I do understand having to be the bigger man and confronting my uncle about his insanity, but on the other I just know that this is going to turn ugly given that Uncle Armand can be a really pissy man to deal with when he’s feeling as though his feelings have been hurt or that he’s been slighted…  And given that I’ve been happily infatuated and in love with D, the last thing I want to be dealing with is my Uncle throwing some sort of hissy fit to harsh my high.  (Heh, yeah, I’ve been aching to use that phrase in a sentence). 
     My aunt’s beginning the needling for a committed answer, of which I’ve told her my decision one way or another last minute isn’t going to cause any of them to be put out about food.  My entire family has a habit of cooking by multiples of three (three people over = making food for nine, and so on) so there will still be more than plenty.  According to her, my cousin Adam and his wife are supposed to be there; which is most assuredly going to be a treat, given Adam’s wife is not well liked or accepted by most parts of my family (she has the manners of a gutter snipe), and I’m rather entertained by her oftentimes lack of social manners or grace.  But my official answer is still pretty undecided…  No doubt my decision will be seen in my next entry… 

     Winter’s finally hitting the Northeast…  *sighs*  And I’m already wanting and wishing to be significantly farther south than I currently am.  The first snowstorm that hit earlier in the week, I didn’t have to go out and help with shoveling, as it was a perfect skiing powder, and my uncle more than happily pulled out the snow-blower and was able to clear out the driveways and walkway without much help.  The second storm on the other hand, was a bit wetter and I went out to help.  Nice to actually help out there, but at the same time, the small of my back is pretty sore from it given that it’s been almost a year since I last had to help with the shoveling.  So I’m sitting here writing this journal entry with a heating pad on my back, and enjoying the warmth I’ve got going there. 
     To make matters worse — it’s once again sheets of ice given that the snow turned to sleet, and the sleet turned to light rain — so the driveway, porch and walkways are more for skating and less for walking.  I’ve included pictures of what it looked like before the sleet and rain hit on the routine blogs that allow for pictures in-line with my entries (http://360.yahoo.com/mbaldelli), if you want to check it out. 
     Fortunately for me, I haven’t had to head out for anything, and when I do, I’m going to most assuredly loathe dealing with New Englanders and their suddenly forgetting how to drive vehicles on snow and ice.  I’m still totally stupefied on just how easily people that have snow four months out of the year lose their minds and their heads during this time of year.  I just don’t get it…  At all… 

     As for D and I…  Wow…  While I can understand it and define it within my head and heart, getting it to paper (or in this case; blog) is quite another issue altogether.  It’s calming, nurturing and healing on the one side, and quite energizing on the other.  It’s what happens when a writer meets and falls for a poet.  It’s what happens when two romantics meet…  It’s what happens when two fighters put their weapons down and take their armor off…  It’s what happens when two people that are the rocks (of stability) meet and interchange that feeling between the two of them…  It’s what happens when two humans meet their match. 
     Last night D put it this way which in his words and his feelings: 

    Two souls one heart coming together in a world apart.  Embracing love and sweet miracles, the words soft spoken often lyrical.

     How do I put it? 

     While I’m not so much a poet, and writing about it usually demonstrated how much of the geek and often Mentat that I am, I find myself fighting hard to transition from a realm of the mind, to the realm of feelings to describe this dynamic between the two of us.  I know it’s been a really long time since I’ve felt this happy, safe, and trusting.  It’s been even longer since I’ve fallen head over heels, crazy, deeply infatuated and in love with someone.  No, there’s no madly in this — there is quite clearly a whole lot of sanity going on here between the both of us. 
     Yeah, it’s love…  All the elements are there… 
     Yeah, there’s nurturing and caring…
     Oh my god yeah!  There’s stability…  Even when I feel like I’ve taken wing (emotionally) and find myself in the clouds above because of happiness and the euphoria of being in love… 
     Yeah, there’s serious moments where the feeling to hold and be held gets so infuriatingly overwhelming, I hug myself and take a deep breath to quell the want… 
     Yeah, there’s communications.  The kind that says, "I’m here for you, and I understand"…
     Yeah, there’s trust…
     Yeah, there’s healing.  For the two of us. 
     Oh my god yeah, there’s also understanding!  It astounds me just how much each of us understands the other even when we’re screwing up what we’re trying to get out so badly that other people would be like, "are you seriously all right?  Do you need a pill (or a drink) for that problem?" 

     I continue to thank my stars, my Karma and my Fate that D’s in my life.  I couldn’t and don’t want to imagine what it would be like otherwise. 

     Well, that’s about it for the time being.  Until the next time.

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Categories: Romance/Relationships
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