Home > Computers and Internet > Entry 01/22/2008 10:55:17 AM – Mentat 384

Entry 01/22/2008 10:55:17 AM – Mentat 384

     And the decision that I made this morning when I woke up was…  *drum roll* 
     I blew out the Linux Native and Swap partitions, dropped to CD and into Recovery Console and removed Ubuntu from my machine.  *smiles and nods*  I still can’t quite see the reason why I should’ve dropped into it and fixed it, or even re-ran the installation to see if I could fix it.  All the programs that I used in Ubuntu were not more than shades of what I use in Windows.  And what I don’t already have ported over from Linux — like the Open Office Suite, Falcon’s Eye, et al…  I don’t really use.  After I finished that sentence, I realize that there was a tool that I rather liked using — the Tea Timer that’s in Kbuntu — I have as a Yahoo Widget.  It’s a bit on the uglier side as it’s a tea bag widget, but hey — it times down like the one in Ubuntu, and alarms when the Tea’s ready, so I can’t really complain about it, can I? 
     The other reasons that I removed the OS from my system are that the support for the operating system is not what I expected.  I’ve had better luck finding support for the various hardware and software on Windows at some of the most obscure places, but all of the support I found at the Forums linked to the Canonical site gave me the distinct impression of the blind leading the blind.  Or worse yet, the geeks speaking geek-speak to the n00bs and the acolytes to the point where those seeking help were like, "buh?"  Finally, the last reason is that while Linux is a nice alternative to Windows and Mac, it doesn’t have the "cultish" qualities of Macintosh or the gaming power of Windows (don’t even ask me my experience trying to emulate Direct-X in a WINE emulator…)
     So, it’s gone, and I have to change some of my personal information at one of my blogging sites. 

     Oh, and during this impulsive yet decisive fix of mine, my cat’s whining for her food.  And by whining, I don’t mean the usual mews she’ll do when she’s wanting something to eat out of my plate either…  It’s more the loud crying that she does in order to get my attention for either going outside on a porch, or she’s having abandonment issues.  And once I’ve stopped what I’m doing to take a look at her, there she is running to her wet food bowl and looking at it as though, "this is wrong, you need to put some of my favorite (wet) food into it…" 
     Usually when I put my finger up and say "No!" which usually gives me about three to five minutes of peace before she reminds me again. 
     Of course not!  Ten seconds later, she’s mewing more determined, and when I look down at her, she’s got the defiant look she’s got as she’s digging in and wanting the wet food now!
     So, I pick up her bowls…  Change the water, give her more dry food, washed her wet food bowl, and left it empty. 
     She’s now protesting something awful, taking a couple of bites of her dry food, and instead of asking/demanding attention, she’s sleeping in the linen box (where I put my extra bed linens) out of sight, out of mind. 
     God, she’s learned how to throw protests from the best (me!)…

[Last Edited: 01/22/2008 08:23:27 PM]

     God, towards the end of the afternoon, I found myself so torqued up, that I didn’t realize that I was in the middle of one of my famed ADD fits.  Was trying to teach D how to use Apophysis which I’ve been using to create some of the minimalistic fractals that can be found at Deviant Art (http://mbaldelli.deviantart.com) and Flickr (http://www.flickr.com/photos/mbaldelli) and in the process downloaded the plug-ins for it that I hadn’t originally loaded up when I downloaded the program some months ago…  Tried to give D the basics of the controls and told him that the best way from there is to play with the program, and so far he’s done fairly well for the first one that he created. 
     Of course, during my demonstration and lessons through the program, as he and I were playing with the programs, the thing wrecking havoc with the processor speeds, causing our connection with Yahoo to get all wonky.  In the middle of this, I’ve got my cat that’s now getting under foot every time I move because she’s come to realize that if her protesting isn’t going to work in getting the wet food she didn’t get this morning, she’s going to schmooze and get up in my lap and purr and drool it out of me.  That won’t go well when I’m on the border of having a raging fit.  So a quick look at her and a swat to her rump, and she’s off to hide from me because she knows better… 
     I’m not quite sure what caused me to get so torqued up with all the internal noise and aggravated rage, but I have some sneaking suspicions that it’s a combination of post-holiday blues and lack of sleep.  So after seeing D off to work, and before I came back to sit down and finish up this entry, I took a quick power nap to see if it’ll help my head and my mood, and by the looks of it, it did. 

     When D came home last night after a longer-than-normal day and a particularly cryptic message regarding the drama that he had told me about yesterday, he seemed to be in the right frame of mind that comes from the realization that the issues that he spoke about had nothing to do with him, and that ultimately while he will stand by as a friend to help, that ultimately it’s not something that he needs to handle.  If anything, he realized the saying, "you’ve made this bed, now you need to sleep in it…"  Which most assuredly helped his frame of mind and his spirit, even though he had to take a couple of pain pills because his back was killing him.  Heh, although he told me that for the last day and a half his house was a chaotic mess considering that his family had friends and their children over for an overnight. 
     While he was winding down though, just before the meds kicked in, he had said to me while we were in one of our safe spaces, and I had commented on another online relationship I had watched rise and fall, "How did we luck out?" 

     How did we luck out, indeed… 

     I’ve been mulling over that question the last couple of days, and it really amazes me how it happens.  I find it hard for me to understand what it was that changed me from being a suspicious and cynical queer to being trusting.  Not to mention the other emotional changes that brought me from feeling as though I’m not ready to give it a try and accept my fate as being single and abstinent, to wanting to give it another go.  I know that I can see some of the changes and transformations that happened to bring me to the point that I was, but when I look at the fulcrum — that one moment where I had changed from cynical and suspecting to believing — all I see is simply a leap of faith that had happened. 
     *smiles*  Ten weeks tonight…  Ten glorious, wonderful, head-spinning weeks together… 
     Now if I could only get him over that self-conscious thing and getting a webcam so the two of us can live our lives in a fishbowl.  *grinning*  Well that and I have to admit that it would be nice to place the face with the voice as the two of us talk and talk and talk ’til the break of dawn. 

     That’s about it…  Until the next time…
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