Home > Romance/Relationships > Entry 01/29/2008 10:30:18 PM – Mentat 385

Entry 01/29/2008 10:30:18 PM – Mentat 385

01/30/2008
     *Takes a deep breath*
     I’m rather surprised with myself today…  I tried to sit down and write an e-mail to my friend Jeannie in Pennsylvania a little bit about the computer woes that she was having, but mostly to try to tell her about the man that I had met online that has changed my life, and turned me around, and I found myself struggling through all sorts of words and thoughts and trying to get it all out of my head and onto the e-mail.  Ended up finding that no matter how many different ways that I tried, the more frustrated I had become trying to get any of the thoughts out of my head.  Ended up just sticking to what I know, and telling her I’ll get around to writing about him the next time I sit down to write her an e-mail. 
     How do I describe to one of my best friends the man that has changed me from being suspicious and cynical to trusting and more than just a closet optimist?  How do I tell her about the man that I have given my heart to?
     A romantic…   A poet…  A fighter…  Sweet…  He’s the kind of man that at the end of the day, when he and I are practically falling asleep talking to each other, I would rather fall asleep with cauliflower ear and hearing him snoring as I’m about to put myself to bed. That in spite of being separated by a nation and being on opposite coasts, that when I close my eyes I can oftentimes sense him right nearby.  Those are the easier things to tell her about.
     One of the more difficult things to tell her about is the age gap…  Which is interesting given that I am prepared to deal with family and many of my acquaintances when it comes to the judgmental attitudes with the age difference between D and I, but friends though…  Friends like Jeannie, I’m finding myself not sure whether I could steel myself up like I would with family.  I mean, sure I’ll defend D against my family without so much as a second thought and a blink of an eye…  But friends — while I’ll also have no problems defending him from them either — at the same time, the difficult feelings that I’ll have having been put in the position of making the choice between the man that I love and the friends that have been there in my life for so many years. 
     I’m fairly sure that she would approve, given that it’s been some time since she’s known me to be this happy…  But at the same time, I find myself in the precarious position of like being between the ignorance of leaving things as they are and the revelation of disclosure.  It’s avoiding, I know…  While I might not be able to handle it today, perhaps tomorrow after another night’s sleep, I’ll be able to handle it.
     We’ll see… 

     In other news…  Yesterday, I was sitting there watching The Bourne Ultimatum and slowly getting a headache with all the unnecessary shaky-cam that had been going on, I received a page from D telling me that during his slow time at work when he was working on a drawing, he had come out at work. 
     Talk about a wow.  I was really surprised at the news. I commented on him doing it, and said that I would talk about it when he got home.
     As it turns out it was one of those inadvertent coming outs.  Seems that one of his co-workers was razzing him because of the drawings that he had been working on making comment on the colors and the content of the work, making the typically queer comments a terminally straight man makes when he sees another man drawing flowers, or using excessively feminine colors for the drawing.  And out he came in defending his choice of work. 
     Then tonight…  *laughing*  I get a page of surprise from him telling me that one of the men that he works with asked him out on a date. 
     I thought it rather funny given who he had said asked him out on the date, given the trouble this particular man gave him before the holidays for another issue. 

[Lasted Edited: 01/30/2008 10:58:25 AM]

     Had a rather interesting dream last night involving my step-father and going over to visit him and him telling me I was no longer going to be accepted there.  He and I were in the back yard, and he was trying to point out some damage that I did to the backyard that I couldn’t even remotely see, and I explained to him that what I had done was necessary for the backyard.  However, looking over at the hedges between the backyard and my cousin’s backyard next door, I could see they had been decimated by my brother.
     Pointing at them, I said to my step-father, "Jon totally destroys your hedges now, and totally destroyed your backyard years ago, and you accept him visiting without a second thought?!" 
     My step-father said to me, "Yeah, that’s right." 

     Fortunately for me, that’s about all I remember about that part of the dream, as it was just a partial dream before melding into the next part involving something espionage and under-cover (thanks primarily to The Bourne Ultimatum from the other night). 

     Well that’s about it for the time being.  I’ve got a couple of other subjects that I’d like to talk on, but at the moment, I think I’m going to ponder them a little bit more before I write about them.  Until the next time.

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Categories: Romance/Relationships
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