Home > Life or something like it > Entry 06/19/2008 09:08:33 AM – Mentat 418

Entry 06/19/2008 09:08:33 AM – Mentat 418

     I have been a combination of lethargic and decadently lazy since the last journal entry.  I’m not sure whether it’s because of the temperature reprieve that we’ve gotten here this week in spite of the fact that Summer Solstice is only a couple of days away.  *grins* But then again this is New England after all, and if we don’t like the way the weather is, all we have to do is wait a minute.  And because of this mood, I’ve made several attempts to put together all my thoughts for a journal entry based on the events that have been going on between D and I since I’ve gotten home.  But because my thoughts have been scattered to the wind and I often find myself easily distracted, it’s been a damned near Herculean effort trying to put together a journal entry about it. 
     Part of the reason why this has been so difficult has to do with what I believe I can and cannot talk about publicly about D.  Part of it has to do with the fact that there are elements of what we’ve talked about still feel a bit unresolved.  Part of the reason has to do with the plain and simple fact that I’ve gotten way too much sleep and followed with way too little has cause me to be a complete nit-wit, scatter brain.  *chuckles*  Well, I’ve got the coffee chilling at the moment for iced coffee — in about an hour — I’ll probably have it and see if it helps speed the right parts of my brain up, and relax me all at the same time. 
     So while I wait, and have Dr Who going in the background, I’ll go through some of the other things that happened since the last entry, and maybe when I’m properly caffeinated, maybe I’ll have a go at everything that’s been going on between D and I since my return from the Left Coast. 

     All right, since my last entry I got a call from my Uncle telling me that his computer’s mouse has been bouncing between an arrow and the wait icon ever two to three seconds and that it’s been slower than normal.  Rolling my eyes, I realize that he’s either got spyware, maybe a virus, or something’s gone completely runaway on his system.  I explained the possibilities to him and told him that we’d start with the Anti-Spyware program. 
     I have made an effort to have him check the Task Manager to see if there was a simple enough method to finding the runaway program for a moment, but he couldn’t get the hang on how to track the runaway process so I decided to put it to the side and hope that either the Anti-Spyware or the AV program would catch the problem and kill it.
     He told me that he had already done that, but I told him to humor me, and to give a try updating the definitions.  When it didn’t update, I had him check the version and after chugging through that without success, I took a stab and thought that he’s probably running the previous version.  Then I walked him through updating the program and when it was successfully installed, updated and running the check, I told him to call me back in about an hour when it was done, and we’ll check through the results. 
     Three hours or so later, he gives me a call back and tells me that it had finished and checking through the results, found nothing but tracking cookies. 
     Scratching my chin, I then got him to launch his AV program, and check through the logs to see whether or not the logs indicate a virus infestation.  There were no logs whatsoever.  With that in mind, I had him run the AV check and told him that one would take about as long, and to call me back when it completed. 
     Almost five hours later and just over 600K files scanned, the AV program kicked back with no viruses found, it came down to one of two possibilities — either the AV program was broken and there was a virus on the system, or he had a runaway process that was taking up inordinate amounts of CPU time. 
     While I had been waiting for my uncle’s callback after the AV check, I had put together an e-mail with instructions on how to download Process Explorer (http://www.sysinternals.com), as well as instructions on how to do a screenshot of Process Explorer for me to tell me what the problem was.  But when he called me back and I told him about the e-mail he cut to the chase and have me stop by to fix it for him. 
     Got there on Monday, and after picking up an large iced coffee, sat down and began checking his system.  First thing I noticed was that the AV program had a warning.  Trying to update it, the program couldn’t connect to the definitions server.  Trying my hand at manually updating it, the program wouldn’t update. 
     Frowning, I popped over to SysInternal’s site to get process explorer and downloaded Autoruns and Process Explorer and when I moved them to the Program Files area and noticed other problems that I would need to investigate.  He had two AVG folders, two Java Folders, and even two ZoneLabs Folders.  Once I got Process Explorer up I saw the problem immediately — VSMON.EXE was bouncing up and down constantly. 
     Killing it and killing Zone Labs, the problem stopped immediately.  I uninstalled it, AVG, Java, and any of the other programs that seemed to be double-installed, reinstalled them, and everything was up and running properly again. 
     When my aunt’s granddaughter came over and asked what was going on, and whether I would be reinstalling iTunes, I began to get the picture in my head what had truly happened.  My uncle, when he was pissed with me about his birthday e-card back in March, and coupled with his rampage against my aunt about things had gone on an uninstalling rampage on his computer of all of the programs that I had installed for him when I had fixed his computer last year. 
     I looked over at my uncle, and then my aunt’s granddaughter and said, "I believe I’ll be able to, providing that my uncle doesn’t go on another uninstalling rampage."  And then looking over at my uncle, said, "You know you don’t have to cut off your nose to spite your face when it comes to the programs I had put on the computer.  It’s not as though the computer did anything wrong, and I don’t put software on computers that I don’t recommend." 
     He grinned sheepishly and confirmed that he did it when he was mad, and completing everything at about three in the afternoon, had an early supper and showed my aunt’s granddaughter a little of Deviant Art, as well as Apophysis.  She took to that like a duckling does to water.  In fact, she’s added several pieces of her work to her DA account already. 
     Which reminds me, I need to give a go with Apo and the 3D hack a bit sometime soon. 

     Had a dream Monday night of being with D.  It was a fragment of a dream where we were in a bedroom in a room someplace, and the two of us were getting up.  He had been up for a while, and I had been just getting up.  I remember giving him a hug as I was getting up and heading toward the bathroom.  He smiled and said something to me on the way to the bathroom, but I can’t remember what it was.  I did say to him that I had things to do, and offered that he could tag along if he wanted. 
     I know I’ve had a couple of interesting dreams last night, but because I was awakened abruptly by the sound of the car door bell on my uncle’s car this morning as he had left it open with the key in the lock as he was sorting through something in the garage before he headed out for his routine Thursday morning at the golf-course.  Lovely sound that was…  Ugh!  Maybe when I tired tonight and getting ready to pass out, I might remember it. 

     So as I had been saying over the last couple of journal entries since I had gotten back from Seattle last week, I had been talking to D by telephone while he’s been in Spirit Lake with his aunt trying to work out why he had flaked, and why he had been so scared of not only meeting me, but also of the repercussions that followed since. 
     I found out during our talks that the reason why he had been so scared afterward was because he thought that through his actions I would hate him for it. 
     I explained to him that while I was anger, and disappointed, and hurt, that I didn’t hate him, particularly given that once he had explained the reason why he was so afraid.  While I would like to be able to talk about it publicly, I am not at liberty to because of the promise I had made to him about discretion. 
     Needless to say, it comes to what comes after that admission.  Getting him to understand the things that we had talked about.  Getting him to see it not from his head and all the logic of what should be and how it should go, but instead with his heart and understanding that the heart exceeds limits and limitations.  Allowing him the time to sort it through for himself.  Whether this is love, whether what we have is worth fighting for and for keeping.  Learning about trust, and faith… 
     And now I have to be patient… 

     It’s amazing just how much in common he and I have particularly in matter of the heart and how we react when we’re hurt, right down to the shut down and withdrawal and how fast it happens.  And it’s just as amazing as to the differences between he and I.  Where I will listen to my heart, he fears his own.  I think I know why, given what we talked about Tuesday night.  Here’s to hoping that he goes back to listening to his. 

     I’m going to stop here for the time being…  Off to work on the parts that I need to be discrete about and work them through.  And perhaps watch a little more of the Doctor.  Until the next time.

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