Home > Life or something like it > Entry 09/05/2008 09:25:26 PM – Mentat 432

Entry 09/05/2008 09:25:26 PM – Mentat 432

     So we’re expecting Hanna to start dumping rain and some gusts of wind around here after midnight tonight.  *sighs* Joy.  People around here are beginning to freak out about it just a little, which is kind of sad, given that the area’s pretty much been hit with hurricanes, tropical storms and flooding for as long as I remember.  I think my personal favorite is that with Hanna heading up the coast as it is, I’ve been watching the COE Major and Lieutenant Governor talking about preparations for the coming floods (that’ll never happen) that the floodgate system is ready to take on the possibility.  *eye roll*  Right…  These floodgates were put into place in Providence and vicinity before I was conscious of what was going on haven’t been used in the time that  I’ve been walking this earth.  Which is pretty bad considering that at least three of the hurricanes that I remember the floodgates on Allens Ave have never been used.   But the local government needs to ensure the locals that it’s there for their protection, and that they’re ready to use them.  And that’s all that matters *eye roll*. 
     Seriously, I made a comment about it at work, and I realized that if they had ever closed the gates on Allens Ave, and if they did I can guarantee that people won’t know what to do/what not to do when those gates close.  Heh, and there are parts of that road where the gates are, that the water’s going to rise toward Rhode Island Hospital, and that’s going to be chaos, mark my words. 

     Thanks to the weather, I’m feeling pretty crappy at the moment.  Muscle soreness, bone ache, hell even got blurry vision going on.  Ugh!  For a while there when I first woke up this evening, I thought that I had the bends going on, that’s how bad I was feeling.  Heh, and here I haven’t gone diving in decades.  At least after the coffee when I got into work, I’m feeling quite a bit better, although some of the muscle ache is still around and I feel it when I stretch out my legs. 

     Now that politics here are beginning to heat up here in the Biggest Little, which means that where everyone’s going to have an opinion and the general climate here is going to be tense.  Take for example a chat that I started out of boredom with Adam on Palin and the various scandals of her and her family that are getting aired during the RNC.  Adam said to me that he never could understand the reason why politicians are judged by the family activities (and foibles), however having survived being a politician’s son, I tried to explain to him that the family of the politician will always be under scrutiny, and that there’s little private life for the politician and his family — but he thought it was stupid that things are like that even now. 
     I tried explaining to him that this is a hang-over from the hundreds of years of monarchies and families with power have often been scrutinized for not only their activities, but the activities of family (both for good and for ill), and that without the power and the silences of the monarchies that could keep such scandals and such abuses of power under wraps…  That what we’re seeing today in a democracy (or a democratic republic) and the media is a progression from those abuses of power, and scrutiny of families in power…  But it fell on deaf ears. 
     I tried to cover that mudslinging has been going on for the last couple of hundred years (here in the United States) and while most of the attacks during the elections following the Revolutionary War were upon the candidate, that families of the candidates weren’t excluded from such attacks.  Unfortunately though, I couldn’t find the Wiki article that I read regarding mudslinging that I had read sometime last week.  Adam continued to stand by his belief that the merits of the politician should be scrutinized
     Heck, to test Adam’s historical knowledge, I threw out the part about how the Colonials tried putting in place the exact same government that was in place in Britain, and how they wanted Washington as a King of the United States.  He had no idea on this, and affirmed that he wasn’t all that great in history. 
     During the conversation where I had attempted to show how successful (or unsuccessful) mudslinging can come of this for Governor Palin and her family, I brought a point to light about Palin’s daughter and her pregnancy — which I had started by saying this could be a definite problem to conservative Republicans — which Michelle had come into work, and without listening to the whole conversation got belligerent about the potential of the conversation, stating that she would argue as she was a Pro-Lifer and demanded that the conversation come to an end. 
     At first, I had no idea where the hell this was coming from, but as I continued working out what I was attempting to convey realized that she had assumed where I was going to go with this, as Rhode Island is an avid Pro-Choice state, and got heated/cranky about it.  I continued in spite of her warning, and went to my point that I was trying to make — that Conservative Republicans are all about family and the sanctity of marriage. 
     Of course, it still boiled down to Adam standing by his point, and from that I dropped the conversation given that it was like talking to an uninterested teenager, with the power to vote. 
     I stewed about it for some time after her lighting into me, and for some time on the way home, preparing myself for some catty retaliation to management, which never happened when I got into work tonight.  *grinning*  I admit I’m relieved that my imagination remains over-active, and will probably avoid the subject in the future given that outburst from this morning.  And I’ll definitely avoid when I’m visiting the local rooms on gay.com as well. 
     Heh, I really should know better about politics given I’ve survived them and wanted nothing to do with them when I was younger, and more the idealist than I am today.  Now that I’m more a moderate (and independent with Democrat slants), I should know that it’s just a flamewar waiting to happen.

     As for me…  I’ve come to realize that for months now since the trip to Seattle, and perhaps more than a little before that, I’ve been a little more closed off about some of the things that have been going on within me, as well as between D and myself.  Part of the reason for D has to do with the fact that it’s been a sort of waiting game for him to not only get his head screwed on right but also because I’ve been waiting for him to continue coming out of his shell about the hurts that he’s still got going on.  But that really doesn’t explain precisely why I’ve been so aloof or reticent when it comes to what’s been going on within me. 
     It’s not as though I’m entirely concerned about the reactions of people from work finding out about what I’m saying here…  While there’s at least one person that I know of can see what I’m saying, it’s not as though I’ve given enough telltale signs for precise personal information, or the exact location within the machinations of the company I’m working for. 
     I do know that I’ve had habit of when I’m at work, that I don’t get into the in-depth self-examinations of what’s going on deep within my mind or heart, because doing so can leave me vulnerable for a little while — and the last thing I want to deal with — are the actions and reactions of two twenty-somethings going on adolescence with their ‘tudes and their ADHD mentalities.  But that doesn’t mean that I don’t have the chance to do so at home — I just…  Don’t seem to have the want to writing when I’m at home.  I’d rather read, play games, and watch chat blithely go by in either Buzzen, or gay.com…  (I haven’t had much want for the crap that goes on in Yahoo the last couple of months). 
     And it’s not as though I don’t have plenty to talk about…  From the routine reminiscing that I go through on my bike ride from work to home (or home to work), to the quiet times I have while relaxing at home…  I find myself practically inundated with memories of my teens and tweens, and my traveling familiar roads in my hometown…  Then there’s the recent history… 

     Oh, speaking of recent history…  My asshole brother’s back in town.  According to my aunt, he’s been in town for a couple of weeks, and is going to be in town for several more because of some job that he’s working in the Boston area.  Of course, I’m skeptical about this "job"; though I’ve kept that to myself because I didn’t want to annoy my aunt with my calling it complete bullshit. 
     He was supposed to stop by over the weekend (last weekend) so that my aunt could show him where my grandmother was buried.  When I talked to my aunt on Labor Day, she told me that he didn’t call or show up on Saturday like he had promised, nor did he call or stop by on Sunday, and given her annoyance with his blasé attitude in showing up on time.  I shrugged it off knowing full well he’s routinely like that when it comes to promises with the family or friends. 
     The best part was on either Tuesday or Wednesday, my aunt tells me that my "…father has disowned him…"  Thinking a moment, I wasn’t sure whether she was talking about my step-father (who Jon was currently staying with), or my biological father, and she tells me that it’s my biological father. 
     So it’s come to full circle, I thought to myself as I’ve pretty much wrote off the drunk a couple of years ago when he did his routine two-faced shit and ran to Jon to tell him all about the "mess" that I was.   But instead I shrugged to my aunt, saying, it was "…no big loss either way." 
     I did think a little about it on my way into work either yesterday or today (don’t remember the day exactly, as I’m feeling a little disoriented as to which day it is at the moment), was that I think it almost ironic that like my mother who had put all her eggs in my brother’s basket and realized how much of an asshole my brother is — my father’s going to find himself in the same position and regretting the shit he did to the wrong one.  Will I feel justified?  Probably not.  It’s pretty much water under the bridge, it just seems almost…  Poetic…  the way it’s come down. 
     Fortunately for me though, my aunt’s made it a point to keep Jon out of my hair, and couple this with working nights, and it means that I the chances of me running into him are brought down to next to nil.  Here’s to hoping it stays that way…

     But anyway, back to the point.  *shrugs* I forgot that when I’m happy, and one going through the day to day, I’m less likely to be self-inspective than when I’m recovering or healing from some hurt.  Heh, it’s hard for me to realize that it’s been over 4 years since Rick and I broke up, and I think that with some things that won’t heal other than with more time,  I’m pretty much finally recovered from most of it.  Add to the fact that in spite of the distance between D and I, I’m extremely happy with myself, the long-distance relationship D and I have, and am getting ready for finding myself another place to live.  I mean I like it with my aunt and uncle, but my uncle’s almost schizophrenic order is really beginning bother me.  Not to mention that the way that he wants to do things is incredibly more difficult than it actually should. 
     I think the next time the room/apartment comes up for rent over on Second Ave, I’m going to check it out.  It’s in a good location, closer to the  bus stop, and easier to get to one the way home.  And not too far from the first house that I lived in when I moved out more than two decades ago.  The only problem with its location is the fact that it’s right near to Sacred Heart Church, and though I don’t hear the bells going off as I live about 3/4 mile from it, I remember vividly that they used to ring for 10:30 AM mass on Sundays. Won’t be too bad, but that’s also about the same time I’m going to bed for Sundays.  And hopefully they’ll allow for my cat as well. 

     Well, that’s about it for the time being.  I got most of what I wanted out for the time being…  The rest, eh, another time perhaps.  Until then…

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