Home > Life or something like it > Entry 01/09/2009 12:21:28 AM – Mentat 471

Entry 01/09/2009 12:21:28 AM – Mentat 471

01/09/2009
     I had an interesting "Sunday" night where I had spent a good majority of my time chatting on gay.com because I had been tired of watching television, or fretting about the defective power supply on the Frankenstein that I had worked on at the beginning of the weekend, wasn’t in any mood to watch a movie or two (even though I pulled out something like 4 of them), and most certainly wasn’t in the mood to getting my ass whomped in UFO: Alien Invasion, or UFO: Enemy Unknown.  Chatted with two people that left interesting impressions with me, and raised various questions and confusion to boot. 
     The first one is usually a late-nighter that I routinely see coming into the Boston room that chats a bit with the folk in the area and is generally liked by some of them when he shows up relatively early.  While this conversation went relatively well, toward the middle and the end and end of the conversation that was mostly public, but ended privately left me scratching my head and recalling the disappointment that I had experienced making a trip to Boston July 2007 and meeting with a Usenet poster that I hope never to see online ever again. 
     In this conversation with the young thirty-something on gay.com last night he started admitting to a whole lot of issues — both physical as well as a mental that quite frankly had no place in a casual conversation, and was shared all in the name of "honesty".  When the conversation ended abruptly because I began paying more attention to the other person that certainly raised other questions, I sat there asking myself, "between honesty and brutal honesty; what is the true necessity for sharing all these major personal issues with a total stranger?" 
     Do we (as a collective whole here in New England and perhaps even with queerfolk in general) share these things out of default because "…to know me is to love me, and to love me means knowing all the bad first?"  Do we share these things because we know no better and this is how things are done in the north?  Or is it something more along the lines of a fear reaction in that we share them to scare people away before they get to know us and perhaps like us?
      I’m not entirely sure of the reason why this young 30-something decided on sharing things the way that he did, and I had hoped to ask him they why’s on this but didn’t get the chance to as he signed off abruptly…  Hell, I even get the impression he signed off quickly out of dejection because I couldn’t multitask between him and the other person that had livelier things going on in the public chat setting. 
     Personally, I felt unclean after that conversation.  And by unclean, I meant the kind of feeling that comes with feeling mentally drained and ill from all the negative sharing that had gone on in about 45 minutes of conversing in private.  While I didn’t feel the moral sickness that I felt the time I talked with the Usenet poster from 2007 — sitting here writing this entry, I realize I was well on the way to feeling it.  I get it, and I just don’t get it at the same time.
     What’s the actual point of dumping all sorts of negativity on someone that you first meet?  Why the brutal honesty about all the bad in one’s life — past and present — that you share with someone online that you’ve only just met?  Experience has shown that all you’re going to do is drive the person away because they have their own shit in their lives and don’t want to feel as though they’re going to need to take on the added responsibility for being your friend.  If it’s a test, it’s a bad way to start any form of friendship because you’re actually having to test them instead of extending the necessary trust to begin with.  It’s also a method of demonstrating clear personal dysfunction. 
     Honestly, while this sounds nitpicky on my part, I really don’t want to associate too much with him if he’s going to routinely dump his issues on me as a method of "being honest and upfront."  Thanks, but how about establishing friendship based on a lighter approach rather than showing the scars we acquire from life. 

     And the other person — god was he ever infuriating.  Granted I’ve seen him come and go from the chat channel over the course of at least two months; and always seems to be looking for a trick so he can get laid.  I mean he’s sociable enough, and will talk and flirt with people when he thinks that he has a chance for an opportunity for a trick, but the instant that he finds out that the person isn’t remotely close to him, he has a habit of throwing the person to the side like a used tissue and does so in the typically brusque New England manner that people in the rest of the nation would frown and would cause him to be called an "asshole". 
     I had chatted with him through the night as he had come and gone a couple of times in the time that I had been there, and through the course of the night, I had watched him flirt with something like five different people.  While that in itself was charming in its own way, the later it got into the night, the more desperate he was becoming to the point where I believed that his true colors were coming out on just how desperate and clingy he could be.  To give you an idea — by about 4 in the morning he had turned from flirting with anyone that he could get attention from, to either begging or demanding people share nude self-pics — myself included given a random conversation that I had going on sometime after the other person I mentioned in this entry had signed off and went to bed.  (Not really worth mentioning at the moment as it’s not really relevant). 
     I told him in my typical fashion that in order to get into my pants — even for a nude picture — he would need to buy me dinner & flowers, and only after I asked him to stay for the night.  Which by that point in the night and the level of desperation that he was displaying was only reading every third or so word and didn’t comprehend much of what I had been saying (couple this with the theory that I think his "errand" that he had run around 11:30 – midnight might involve drugs of some sort or another). 
     It also became quickly clear to me that he wasn’t defining what he wanted for a trick based on what he needed, but more along the lines of what he didn’t want.  By that I mean, he didn’t want the trick to be a drive. He didn’t want to meet them at a bar.  He didn’t want them to be some age like an "old man" and so on.   I mean it’s good to have personal tastes on this — but the more that I talked with him the more I realized it wasn’t a list based on inclusion but rather exclusion; of which I know is bound to fail given that no one will be able to fill the bill because he’ll be saying no more times than he’ll be saying yes. 
     Toward the end of the night when I was getting tired of being there, and that the front door to gay.com had been shut down due to a maintenance window that was going to go on from 5 AM – 12:30 PM, I tried to engage him into looking for alternatives to searching online, given that he’s been at it for more than 3 months without much luck.  I had suggested to him to check either Bay Windows or The Newpaper as the two papers also include social calendars for events and what not for the area. 
     He said to me that only the desperate use them. 
     After I got over the initial feeling of being completely gobsmacked, I tried to launch into a soapbox with him about it, but he had signed off as the numbers had been dwindling at that point (less than 33) and decided that he would give up or search elsewhere. 

     …
     The desperate?!  And he’s not given that he’s been at it for what…  three months?!  And without so much as a bite?  Pot, meet kettle.
     What gets me about this is that it’s not the first time I’ve encountered people in the New England area calling the use of those newspapers the acts of the desperate.  Err…  With the exclusion of Wayne, I’ve had really good luck using the local resources to meeting people and getting involved in groups that not only have web presences, but also cater to those that don’t have computers.  I’ve attended pot-lucks, and sci-fi groups, and even got myself involved with Gay Spirit Visions as well as the Radical Faeries of Atlanta for almost a year before things had changed enough that I moved on. 
     How is networking desperate?  Further, how can it hurt given that you have a better chance of finding someone that shares your taste — in his particular case tricks — through meeting people who know friends like that instead of wading through it alone for as long as he’s been and coming up empty?
     God that was just so infuriating in the frustrating way.  It just doesn’t cease to amaze me sometimes. 

     Hell, I think what frustrated me more about his calling it "desperate" is the fact that I had looked through several local papers and now that I’m ready to socialize and network, it’s rather difficult for me to participate given they happen on weekends in this state and my current schedule has me working through the weekend.  He has the chance to socialize and network and thinks it’s "desperate" and "a waste". 

     Amazing.  Simply amazing.

     So it’s my work week and I received two one-on-ones (for the last two months).  Heh, it’s getting funny given that the day I typically think to myself, "I wonder why I haven’t received my one-on-one" is almost certainly the day that I’m going to get it.  I’m satisfied with my progress reports, although for the last two months the calls I’ve been polled for have been the ones that I don’t normally ask "is there anything else I can help you with?" because more often times than naught, there’s a finality to the tone of the customer’s voice that indicates to me that the customer’s ready to go and doesn’t want to dawdle any further than they have already…  There had been a couple of times when I’ve been loathe to ask the question given that they’ve been more than a little cranky by the end of the call, and asking that question is only going to cause them to come ’round to wanting their original problem fixed. 
     I also continue to get graded positively on my ability to keeping management aware of procedural issues within the markets that are covered as well as demonstrate initiative in managing situations until management is capable of taking responsibility for the situation.  While it shouldn’t surprising given I had experience with this sort of thing when I was working at Care New England back in 2007, it is remarkably easier to handle them here than there, given that the procedures in place are better managed, established and ordered.  I admit that I used to get really frustrated with the procedures at CNE given that they were oftentimes half-assessed even for day shift, and those that were supposed to be covering either didn’t get in contact, or there wasn’t a sufficient method of getting in contact with some of the on-call staff. *smiling*  Perhaps if I can continue to get these sort of positive reviews, it’ll open up the possibility of advancement into something like Team Leader or Management farther down the line…. 
     But that’s farther down the line — I still have too much to learn when it comes to some of the other processes that are necessary to know for the position. 

     I had something else I wanted to talk about, but I can’t remember at the moment, given that I got distracted with watching the news and the new website that I need to check out (http://www.howobamagotelected.com) as well as the YouTube video of Palin blathering on that  Wonkette talked about in this week’s feed.  I’m sure both are going to be entertaining in that ever so disgusting sort of way.  I take it back, I’m watching it now as I’m working on this.  *laughing out loud*  This woman’s insane, and I’m ever so glad she didn’t get elected into a national office. 

[Last Edited: 01/09/2009 05:46:19 AM]

     Oh, I remember the last thing that I wanted to talk about.  Deviant Art and this in-rush of deviants coming in dropping their art all willy-nilly into random categories without so much as knowing where their own artwork is supposed to go.  I know Coraybee knows what I’m talking about as I often find myself following up behind her in assisting to clean up the Fractal Art category.  But good lord though, a couple of days ago I went into the Fractal Art Category to police a little bit and this one artist dropped like 30+ pieces into the Fractal Art Category that were all photographs of traditional and abstract drawings.  Today as I was sitting there between calls, there’s yet another one this evening that dropped something like 15 cartoons and digital work into the Fractal Art category. 
     Normally when I get to the point of complaining, I simply walk away and allow others to clean up while I reset my feelings and my exasperation but after seeing someone that my first impression has to be clearly a young adolescent, I can’t help but want to do into their place in DA, dropping a note and not too keenly or kindly stating to them, "excuse me, but do you have *any* clue what FRACTAL ART is, or did you just decide on the easiest to find and spam the hell out of it because you were too lazy to ask someone for help?!"
     *sighs*  I mean I know some of the artists that mis-categorize Fractal Art work, you can see they’ve worked with it, and working in order forms of art, submit a deviation to the wrong category…  But when it’s 15, 20, 25 in a row, that to me is simply lethargy and sloth.  And it just parades on my last gay nerve in a pair of drag-queen stiletto pumps. 
     *grinning and nodding*  All right, I got it out of my system.  I think…  If not, I’m sure you’ll hear about it in someone complaining about a disparaging message in the Note Box there.  Ultimately though, I’m thankful that others have more patience for the volunteer work there.  If I was a NOC or a Sys-Admin, I guarantee you, such individuals would be finding their accounts suspended or locked from submitting deviations as a punishment for that sort of lethargy. 

     All right, that’s about it for the time being.  Until the next time.
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