Home > Life or something like it > Entry 02/24/2009 12:26:11 AM – Mentat 485

Entry 02/24/2009 12:26:11 AM – Mentat 485

02/24/2009
     Monday Afternoon (well Tuesday early morning for most Day Walkers) and I’m just feeling as though I’m hitting my stride.  Not surprising really given the complete chaos that struck work last night.  Pity too, because it started out marvelously quiet to boot.  I’m feeling pretty bad about it given that I got the impression that I was caught with my pants down during it, as I had hoped for a quiet evening and being able to visit some of the old haunts within my head to see whether there had been traces of the muse someplace among the debris, tidbits of random memory and the cobwebs that I’ve been collecting there since returning to the folds of the night.  Of course, by the time I had gotten home from work, I had been so torqued up from the caffeine hit that I took at break that the only thing that I wanted to do was be completely mindless until I passed out.  And of course, I contributed to that mindlessness by having the remaining beer at around 10 in the morning. 
     Heh, I thought it particularly amusing (in a strange sort of way), given that the last vestiges of being a Day Walker had kicked in and thought it a sure sign of alcoholism to be drinking beer that early in the morning.  Yeah, if I were actually getting up at 6 AM, that would be considered a sure sign.  But 10 AM in the morning for me is 10 PM for the rest of the Day Walker world, and I’ve never seen them raise an eyebrow when they have their beer when they get home from work. 

     On the whole though, the work environment’s infinitely better the last couple of weeks.  Even with my feeling like I completely screwed up dealing with the chaos of yesterday’s breaking of a local market, on the whole I feel as though I’m able to make the right decisions (for the most part) without feeling the pressure of a negative work environment.  And I don’t feel like I’m second guessing as much because of those pressures.  Sure, there are still moments, but it’s not as though I’ve got the internal conflict going on dealing with childishness and immature attitudes alongside trying to make the correct business decisions.  In fact, while I’ve had a discussion about a couple of tickets that I didn’t handle correctly, I was able to see the flow of logical decision-making based on the information on hand much easier than I have in the last couple of months where I thought I had done things horribly wrong. 
     Unfortunately though, from what I’ve been able to collect, it would appear that the problems that I had experienced the last couple of months have simply shifted to another part of the office, which seems to be causing some ire to the denizens in that part of the office.  Unlike me though, where I often internalize the issues because I can’t be sure whether it’s a personal issue based on differences of opinion and I either write about it here to vent, or simply shut up about it and swallow it (in order to build a better tolerance), the people in that part of the office are quicker to act upon it. 
     I’ve got an egg-timer going based on the things that I’ve been seeing and hearing.  I’m cynical like that and believe I can see changes happening on the horizon…  Near horizon if things continue on the path that they’re taking.

     I don’t know what’s up with my cat, but she’s clearly been a royal pain in the ass the last couple of days.  Between her protest yesterday about her wet food not being good enough for her after my aunt gave her scraps of the roast that her cat wouldn’t touch, to her mewing at my ass every three minutes for attention, only to jump off in 5 minutes with her usual "you bore me" growl only to start up all over again in three minutes.  I would like to think it has to do with Spring, but it’s still too early for Spring to spring north of the Mason-Dixon Line.  Hopefully whatever her mood is, it shakes soon as it’s beginning to work my nerves even when she’s up on my lap for those 5 minutes. 

     And speaking of the tundra north of the Mason-Dixon Line — I was able to enjoy a little of the above 45 degree weather that most Day Walkers get to enjoy and appreciate the last couple of weeks.  Sure it was only for the half-hour while heading into work, but it’s better than nothing.  Thankfully because of that, the glacier that had formed from the front drainpipe was soft enough to break up.  Jeez, let me tell you given its thickness and size, I didn’t think it was going to melt until May at its current size. 
     No, I don’t miss this crap.  Really.  And I think the only reason why I think it didn’t bother me much last year was because I did what most bears do, and hibernated through most of the winter.  Thanks to my working, that’s not entirely possible. *sighs*  Oh well…. 

     I gave a try at a piece of poetry last week which can be found on DA (http://mbaldelli.deviantart.com).  I’ve been trying to get the thing posted to Fiction Press, but for some reason they’ve been having serious problems with logins.  Eh, I’m going to see if I can’t contact the web-designer and tell them the log-in and interface is completely clapped out.  Maybe then, I’ll be able to upload it and post it there.
     While a good acquaintance gave it a good comment, I find myself personally harsher with it than I would with a story I’ve written or a fractal I’ve created.  I know the reason why I’m being harsh on it has to do with the subject matter, and the fact that I wrote the thing out of complete frustration to the feelings I’ve been going through the last couple of weeks.  Particularly with some of the internal debates that I’ve been having, and I feel like I’m trying entirely too hard on things that I really shouldn’t be that hard on myself about. 

     As for the rest….  I’m feeling pretty good at the moment, even if it’s feeling a bit nippy here in the Biggest Little this afternoon.  I think I’ve reached the point where I’m tired of whining about the lack of dating opportunities, and settling into one of my usual moods where I’ll just continue to hold out for my vacation to being a change of pace to my life on the whole.  I’ve also been contemplating calling in queer for a day over the weekend, just to check out one of the Boston get-togethers that seem to be in the process for either next weekend, or sometime in March (before my trip, IIRC). 
     T-Minus 22 Days for that… 
     Maybe this weekend, I’ll work up the courage (and screw up the gonads) enough to be able to talk to someone without being so self-conscious about it either going down in flames, or coming off as a complete freak of nature.  Definitely need to get over both given that it feels like a hindrance more than an asset.  Cross your fingers, it might turn out worse than better than it actually is. 

     Well, I’m going to call it a day for this entry.  Off to work on a complex fractal, and finish up the remaining chores that I have around here.  Until the next time.
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