Home > Life or something like it > Entry 03/07/2009 04:48:06 AM – Mentat 489

Entry 03/07/2009 04:48:06 AM – Mentat 489

03/07/2009
     How do I begin this entry? 
     How do I describe the intense curiosity of seeing this man’s photography, and admiring from afar the level of confidence I could see in his pictures, and how I lacked the confidence to simply talk to him about that admiration and that respect? 
     How do I find and describe the spot where in one moment, thinking I didn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell, finding myself having more of a chance than I had ever expected?
     How do I describe in this man sharing a smiling picture of himself, how concern transformed to exhilaration, then to relief and then to the desire of wanting to see that man smiling more? 
     How do I find the best words to describe perfectly the hope and expectations of talking with this man and finding that I no longer feel so alone?  That in such a simple admission that he had done, I had discovered there is another romantic in the world? 
     How do I describe the feeling that sometimes I find myself pinching myself to make sure he’s still there talking to me in the dead of the night when he should be in bed sleeping?
     How do I describe the feeling of expectation and relief, excitement and nervousness when receiving an instant message from this man with such an endearing and inclusive smile? 
     How do I convey to this man the feelings that I have and in that sharing, hope that these feeling are mutual? 
     How do I get to know more about this man without coming off like the intense dork that I can oftentimes am?
     How do I describe that in his sharing that smile,  and the conversations we share in messenger and in e-mails — that the muse that I thought had been lost these last couple of years has once again been found? 
     How do I convey and describe that in his actions and through his example, I feel different…  Changed…   Wonderful…  And alive? 
     How do I describe that even if he were to surprise me and even make me blush — that it’s a blush that doesn’t come from the surprise of what he shares, but instead of my hidden desire to being there face to face with him, and to explore what he has shared with me? 
     How do I convey the want to explore feelings, and thoughts with this man, and at the same time having the patience to see where this will go?
     How do I thank him for being him?  For his confidence?  For his inclusiveness?  For his eye and creating and showing images of his world around him? 
     How do I give to him the happiness I so strongly and firmly believe he deserves and in that giving provide for him the comfort of knowing safety, and caring? And being cherished? 

     How…?

Advertisements
%d bloggers like this: