Home > Life or something like it > Entry 04/07/2009 02:52:04 AM – Mentat 502

Entry 04/07/2009 02:52:04 AM – Mentat 502

04/07/2009
     Oh my god, you don’t know how relieved I am at the moment that after almost two weeks since I’ve gotten back from San Francisco that my sleep patterns are finally returning to normal.  A couple of days ago, I had reached my limit in that I was averaging five hours of sleep or less a night.  In fact, it had reached a point where I was desperate for some sort of sleep aid in order to try to sleep through more than six hours, and actually had to ask my aunt for some sort of relaxant. I had asked for a Xanax, but she gave me a prednisone which was infinitely more effective and allowed me to get about seven hours of sleep Sunday.  Last night (yesterday for you Day Walkers) I slept entirely without any prescription (and non-prescription) medications, and got about nine hours of semi-uninterrupted sleep!  *dance*  Hopefully this trend will keep going, as I don’t think I want to go through the beginnings of sleep depravation again…  Not for a long time.  And not again either, as I went through it some years back and it wasn’t a pretty experience.

     So I realized as I made my way back online for a little bit during the beginnings of my sleep depravation that it had been close to two weeks since I last wrote Entry 496 and said that I was going to be taking an extended sabbatical.  Those words are still pretty much true, and I decided to come up to surface (of my internet presence) if only because there are things that I need to make clear for the lookers on, voyeurs, quiet fans, and friends that check up on me… 
     First, I’m all right…  While I can be quite shaken sometimes by my actions or inactions or in the actions of others, I am invariably unsinkable.  Death will be the only thing that can claim complete victory over me.  Anyone else will be a temporary victory of which I will either rematch, or simply sit back and wait patiently for karma to take its course in someone else’s life. 
     Second, I am quite shaken and more than a little bit shamed about something that I apparently made assumptions on.  Not surprising, given my karma in my life.  But then again in my two weeks away, I came to a rather interesting realization that the signs that I wasn’t seeing, were pretty blatant and obvious if I were only looking with my eyes open. 
     Third, and finally…  there’s been a combination of other elements that I rarely if ever talk about in my public journal entries that has all the elements of a train wreck… And instead of allowing it to lead toward becoming a train wreck, backed off to get some perspective. 
     In all instances, it’s better for me to remove myself from the world at large, keep my head low, pay attention to the things going on in my immediate life, and of course be the right kind of introspective that comes from not worrying about withholding information, or keeping discrete what needs to remain discrete.  Which means at the end of this weekend, I’m probably going to disappear again for another couple of weeks, while I continue working out these issues as they’re far from resolved in any way, shape or form…

     In the last two weeks, I’ve done a little cutting of the excess fat and trivia that I’ve had going on, online.  Gone are my accounts to Live Journal, Snappville, Multiply, Twitter (although that was gone prior to my weeks, but that’s an entirely different story), Blogger, Youniverse, and 360…  Trying to get rid of MySpace but they seem to have their crap all broke or something.  Right now I’m in some sort of fight with their Helpdesk in getting it done. 
     I admit that I had half a mind to keep going and remove Spaces (MSN), Facebook, and DA…  But I admit there’s a certain pride about MSN’s site that can boast of being the first site that I used officially to blog once I had killed my own website on Mindspring/Earthlink.  And doing it with Facebook would’ve probably alarmed more than a few people that I didn’t want to…  And DA?  *chuckling*  Good lord, the work that would’ve been involved in removing everything that I had put up there (as they still don’t have an ability to delete accounts on it)…  While I have the stubborn fortitude and willful spiteful determination to do that, at the same time impulse stayed my hand from going through with it. 
     And now, I’m down to three instead of ten.  And sort of happy about that… 
     Although now that I found out my aunt’s on Facebook, I’ve whimsically considered deleting that because when family can see what I’m up to on the net and can do it by simply logging into their account….  *chuckles*  No it’s not going to happen, but at the same time; she’s currently in her own part of FB, and I’m in my own.  We’ll get to that bridge when we get there when she asks me to be "friends"… 

     Let’s see, what else is going on….  Oh, yeah!  I’ve broken down and upgraded my phone.  Decided to get out of the land of pay by the minute and go with a calling plan.  While I’m not much of one to talk, I did get a modest plan (450 minutes per month with rollover), the main selling point both for the phone that I had purchased (http://www.xmas-buy.com/bigpic/20080926130042.jpg) is the mobile PDA package that I added.  Yep…  Unlimited Web and SMS access, which is more along the speeds that I’m used to than typing SMS messages on a 10 key (which I’ve fallen out of practice with, as I haven’t used in more than 6 months.  The only unfortunate thing is that I wasn’t able to port the number over to the new phone, as they were different plans and support over at AT&T didn’t allow for it.  So when I get the phone, those of you that have my number — expect an e-mail, page, whatever with the new number.  Those of you that don’t — you can definitely reach me through any number of the Instant Messengers that I have clearly emblazoned on FB, or DA…  And MSN…  Well…  MSN’s all ignorant like that — so it’s only THE one *grins*… 

     Finally, I want to cover something that I had been entirely remiss about when I decided to duck and run…  Day three in San Francisco. 
     I had a fantabulous time with Keagan and Paul on my tour through Castro, Golden Gate Park, the Pacific Ocean, Twin Peaks and everyplace in between in that area.  It was fun and grossly ironic that the first gay bar I had come across in my time in San Fran was the piano bar which we had waited in front of while Paul was off trying to find a parking place in the land where parking places were already taken or would cost.  All the folk older than 50 completely ignoring me, and looking at Keag and thinking, "how did that fat old man end up with that twinkie?"  (Yeah, the looks on their faces were pretty apparent while they were chatting with friends). 
     I can’t thank them enough for showing me around and putting up with me for some hours; especially toward the end, when I was a complete dork and couldn’t remember the directions to the hotel in San Bruno.  If they make it to the East Coast, I’ll definitely want to returning the favor. 

     Well that’s about it for the time being.  I need to be off to blow things up and cause my usual trouble on Usenet.  Until the next time.
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