Home > Life or something like it > Entry 07/09/2009 05:18:10 AM – Mentat 519

Entry 07/09/2009 05:18:10 AM – Mentat 519


     I would like to start this entry first by


     Thank you, everyone…  For those of you that had added my Optical
Cubes to their collection. 

     Thank you, everyone…  For the thousands that had come to view my
humble piece of work that had been added to a Daily Deviation on 2, July 2009. 

     Thank you to those that have checked out
my other works and added them to your favorites. 

     Thank you to the Fractal Artists that have
been working with the program for years, that through your coding and scripts,
and the artwork you had produced that had intrigued me to give a try with the
program Apophysis. 

     And finally… 


     Thank you for the people that had
suggested and decided to make that humble work worthy of being part of the
collection of Daily Deviations shown on DA day in and day out. 


     I had wished that I could’ve personally
thanked the 400+people that had added it to their Favorites Collection, and at
first I had tried.  I had found myself so
overwhelmed by the daunting task that I was only barely able to get through the
first 100 in the course of almost 2½ days that I had to make the decision to
simply go on without personally thanking everyone. 

     So instead, I’m here in this journal
saying to everyone:


     Thank you. 
I am deeply touched, and deeply humbled. 
And deeply overwhelmed. 


So since the last week when I sat down and
wrote my entry, I had found myself overwhelmed by a million little things that
instead of dealing with them one at a time, I decided on letting them build up.  And when they minutiae had reached a level of
becoming quite the little monster, instead of facing it I did what I’m well
known for doing:  running and becoming a
couch potato in the process.  And by
couch potato I mean complete slacker…  So
the e-mails and the responses on DA cropped up. 
Usenet went un-read.  The rather
interesting inspiration that I had received from the last poll on Deviant Art
was momentarily shelved.  Heck, even my
fractal work had sort of suffered from it, as I focused quite a bit more on
marbles than I usually do. 

     So what did I do instead of working on
anything written?  Completely slacked and
watched the first season of Bleach.  Watched Push.  Back to watching a little of Alias (yes, I’m getting toward the end of
Season 2, which means that I’m going to be needing  to brace myself for the amount of Shark
Jumping that goes on in the next couple of seasons).  And Bleach  It has all the right elements for
hero-building.  Right down to the
downfall and the reconstruction of the hero and even saving a heroine.  I’m rather entertained with it at the moment,
but that might change the later into the seasons. We’ll see… 


     At the homestead….  *eye roll* 
My aunt as made it a point to getting the dog that she’s been hinting at
for the better part of six months.  Does
she get a big dog?  Hell no, she can’t
really she’s also got a rather persnickety cat that wouldn’t take for a large
dog.  So, instead she gets herself this
toy Chihuahua that looks like a Doberman. 

     While I don’t approve in the least (even
though I have positively no say let alone control in her decisions), I’m
really, really annoyed over the fact that she had gotten it.  She had gotten the dog for the primary reason
that she’s feeling unloved on the home front, and instead of dealing with the
problem at home and talking with her therapist about it — she got the dog to
fill in the gaps as she had done with her other cat.  Of course, the bigger problem has to do with
my cat…  First she doesn’t like dogs at
all; and given her temperament I’m quite sure she’ll be more than a little
aggressive if that dog ever gets in front of her.  Which of course means that I need to keep her
as far away from the little rodent-like dog as possible. 

     And this… 
This…  This obsession that women
have sometimes of getting a pet in order to avoid dealing with the issues that
have cropped up in a lifetime…  It’s
madness…  It’s silly…  It’s stupid… 
And it only accomplishes prolonging the problems that have been going on
the entire life of this relationship. 
This isn’t the first time that I’ve seen this sort of thing…  Rick’s ex-wife’s mother did the same thing.  Hell, she did it to the tune of 15+ dogs and
cats…  And on, and on and on….  The list is amazingly endless in the 30 years
that I’ve been out of the closet and 27 years I’ve been an adult. 

     All for the peace of the house?  The harmony of the relationship?  Where is there harmony when one is feeding
silence and ignoring the problems?  Where
is the peace when issues are building up in the background; because contempt
builds up from familiarity and anger, hatred and loathing are building up in
the darkness of silence? 

     I just don’t get it….  I do, but I don’t. 


     Work’s not much better…  Where I had thought that the children would
calm down, instead I’m seeing one that appears to have done the right thing and
grown up/matured…  Which I would like to
at this time applaud the level of maturity that he has shown since realizing
that he wants a promotion and better pay, and doing what he was doing was only
going to prohibit that desire…  While
I’ve been guarded in my dealings with him, if he maintains this level of
maturity, I will in the next couple of weeks apologize toward him and bury
whatever hatchet I’ve had for him. 

     The other turning even more childish and
passive-aggressive than I could possibly imagine.  I know that this is only going to end
badly.  I had a talk with a friend of
mine about handling this issue, and of course she tells me that this is going
to  be an extremely difficult given the
position I’m in.  Not to mention that she
strongly suggested doing something that I haven’t been doing — documenting

     That’s another reason why I’ve become
quite the couch potato.  Because I can
construct the information over the last couple of months, it means that I’m
going to have take the time to do it… 
And that’s going to be the kind of work that I don’t really want to
do.  Especially given that I’m at the
point where I’ve put up with a year’s worth of bullshit, childish games,
cliquishness and high school since I started my job there… 

     Patience is necessary, I know…  So is diplomacy…  Which means that I’m going to have to
seriously reel in the anger, impatience and the pent up hostilities that I’ve
been feeling the last couple of months because I’ve more than reached my limits
on this and I want a tidy end to the madness there as well… 


     There’s more…  Oh there’s so much more, but I think I’ve
pretty much covered all that I want to cover for the time being.  I might be back in the next couple of days to
write about it, or I might just mull it over a little bit more before my next
entry.  Either/or…  Until the next time.

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