Home > Life or something like it > Entry 01/23/2010 05:27:42 AM – Mentat 551

Entry 01/23/2010 05:27:42 AM – Mentat 551


     Saturday morning and my patience is rather on the low side at the moment.  People have seriously been working my nerves with their impatience, and their immediate want for gratification without understanding that sometimes troubleshooting is necessary in order to reach the conclusion of getting online, and/or making things are working properly.  And the cherry on tonight’s sundae has to be the drunk that I had that could barely read his screen, slurred through half dozen words, and generally getting belligerent because he couldn’t get online.  After a couple of calls he figured out finally that through the difficulty of reading the screen and knowing what it was he couldn’t see, called it a night and hopefully went to bed.

     Not that it left me in a particularly festive mood after my karma had served him to me not once, but twice (as I completely expected to boot).  So I’m sitting here right now, having watched a couple of episodes from my queue:  Fringe and Bones and feeling a shade bit calmer at the moment. 


     It’s the wee hours of the moment, and I’m sitting here with someone at work busting my chops about a call I had at the beginning of the evening that kept saying "you’re kidding me" whenever I explained to him the rules of DNS entry propagation, of which after hearing him saying that snapped back, "do you hear the humor in my voice?  I can assure you there’s no humor in my tone nor the information that I’m relaying to you."  It’s one of those sort of fumes that that I have with people that parrot something and don’t realize they’re doing it; and sort of thinking of something else that I’ve been chewing on since my last journal entry.  Another one of those points that I’ve visited several times over the course of years that I feel the need to revisit once again if only for the sake of it. 

      This issue that I’ve sort of been chewing on are people’s reactions when they realize I blog my life both in journal form as well as online.  Seems that closeted or not closeted, the instant that they find out that I blog my thoughts and feelings, that suddenly their anonymity is going to be attacked and actions that they have been doing in my life with be open to scrutiny and that people will find out what they’re doing. 

     The first side are the stories that I tell about work and how individuals get pissed off because my blog can in essence be a sort of proof to the shenanigans that they think they’re getting away with while the boss isn’t looking.  Or that can cause them the grief of peers as what I’m writing is proof to their immaturity.  To this issue, I say this, "if you are acting morally. If you’re approaching the way you conduct yourself at work in a consistent and ethical manner regardless of whether the boss or management are there; then there’s positively nothing to be afraid of, even if one is having an unprofessional moment."  Deceit and lying while the boss is away will catch up on you, and it’s not always because of someone keeping a blog of their life and you’re involved in it. 

     The other side are the stories on people that I meet outside of work, and either attempt to get a date from, or simply find them interesting, attractive, or eventually reach the point of actually going steady with them.  In those instances, they want all information of them wiped out of anything written for fear of either being outted, people getting the wrong ideas on them, or that I’ll be painting them in a negative light.  Oh hell, worse…    Rick was definitely one of those that hated the fact that I talked about him in my blog and would demand insistently that I remove the entries immediately.  People that I’ve attempted to get a date from the instant that they see I’m writing, will stop talking with me immediately and slither back into the darkness and ethers. 

     I frequently ask the question, "why are these folk such cowards and chicken-shits?"  The kind of damage done by the spoken word to friends and acquaintances about a fight with a boyfriend, or speaking to someone about a date is far more insidious in the potential damage than having it up scrolled on a wall on the Internet or in my journal…  Why?  Because people talk, and friends and circles of friends talk to others often either blowing things out of proportion or putting their own spin and interpretation on something that can wreck more havoc on the relationship or the person dating than having it written somewhere.

      And those that seem deathly terrified that there’s proof somewhere of being outted consciously or unconsciously on someone’s blog?  Heh, I have this two things to say,   First, "cupcakes, if you think you’re successfully hiding in the closet; guess again.  Usually the only person that you have successfully fooled is yourself.  People are sharp, and even those that are terminally masculine to the point of being testosterone poisoned can be spotted quickly."  And second, "it’s 2010 — unless you’re in a religiously oppressed country where the alternate to being out is being imprisoned or murdered — no one cares."  Although I’d like to add, if you’re friends are going to dictate to you that remaining your friend would be based on their conditions as to what you should or should not be — are they really friends to begin with? 

     With both — they still boil down to the plain and simple belief that if you act and react with an idea on the common good, you present yourself to the world in an ethical manner then there’s nothing to be afraid of when someone — like me — writes about you in my journal or in anyone else’s journal for that matter.   The only difference between the spoken word and the written word is that with the written it sticks around.  However unlike the spoken word, it cannot be mutated by multiple personal interpretations and instead one ends up returning to "the source" to get an idea of one’s own on the perspective. 


     I think I was actually really, really lucky when it came to Damion.  While he had been initially concerned about what I had to write, he got over it quickly over time as he realized that deep down he was a good man and always tried to do the right thing and it didn’t matter what I had to say about him because he knew it could only be good.  I think that if Tommy were still around, he would be proud of my journals both online and offline.  The rest?  Christ on a drunken rampage…  Darin was paranoid of the thought that I could be saying something negative in my journal (which at the time was offline, as this was long before I began using a computer for journal entries).  And those that knew I had one thought I was incredibly secretive and used to rifle through them in order to see what I was saying about them. 

      I had originally moved these journals online because I got tired of insecure men rifling through my papers, or when it finally went only, seeing failed password attempts trying to get into it.  And have kept them there since.  And so, because of this — I sometimes find myself feeling like pariah to the thought of dating because I find out just how insecure men can be when the find out I’m a blogger. 


     That’s about it for the time being.  Until the next time.

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