Home > Life or something like it > Entry 04/01/2010 10:31:39 PM – Mentat 565

Entry 04/01/2010 10:31:39 PM – Mentat 565


    Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent. – Isaac Asimov, Foundation.  (http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Violence)


     What’s prompted me to start this entry with this?  Sitting there in a chat room with various teens and early tweens, where one had said that she was rather pissed with the social stigmas in place where women can hit men, but men cannot hit women without hitting up against the walls of social stigma.  She had called it at one point [people that followed this stigma] "closed-minded" (with in my opinion carrying with it the undertone akin to "ignorant"), of which an acquaintance of hers tried to prove the point of its necessary in today’s society. 

     I admit that I wasn’t properly prepared for a debate of this magnitude, and as the coffee was just getting into my system at the time, jumped into it rather poorly trying to prove that there really is no necessity for any sort of violence as a retribution to whatever’s going on.  I tried to go down the road of non-violent alternatives to the need for fist — but also included my bottom line opinion of any use of fists for any reason (other than perhaps self-preservation at the threat of death/murder at the hands of someone) is nothing more than the support of a thug-mentality in a civilized society. 

     Truth be told, I watched my temper flare up momentarily listening to this tween thinking that his living in the United States was not a civilized society and knowing full well based on his naïve responses after that comment of how much he hasn’t a clue what it’s like to live outside the United States of America and thinking he has a good idea on what uncivilized is.

     Yeah, my anger still flares up quickly when faced with an incredible level of ignorance, either from naiveté or from intentional ignorance (not to mention some combination of the two. 


     Still though, after bowing out from the debate, knowing full well that any further will end up with me either on a very slippery slope that the man was intentionally setting up with a very small set of justifiable parameters or it turning into two fools yelling at each other — I’m sitting here contemplating the level of ignorance to the law that teens and tweens have thinking that it needs to resort to fists or some sort of violence for self-preservation.  I’m reminded keenly as I’m sitting here listening to my music back in the times when I was a teenager when my Ancient History Teacher looked at us during a debate on Athenian and Spartan Law, "Ignorance of the law is no defense, even back in the days of Ancient Greece…" 

     Now don’t get me wrong — I know how difficult it is in childhood and adolescence with the gang-like and thug-like mentalities.  I remember keenly that there was fist-fights, various assortments of physical and more prevalent mental and emotional violence.  I remember suffering through a great amount of it through elementary and junior high school in fact.  But yet I was able to prevail through a majority of that without having once to lift a fist up and punch someone.  Part of the reason was because of my being a coward..  Most of my reason was because somehow I knew from my experience of fist fights with my brother for years doesn’t solve anything — it just escalates the problem worse than it already was. 

     Somehow I doubt that this lesson has changed all that significantly in the 30 or so years since I’ve been in school.  I have also gotten through a good majority of my adult life without having to lift a fist against someone to solve a problem.  I have relied on my wit, my mind, and my mouth to avoid the need.  And when those failed — I learned the law and used them accordingly (like I did with Wayne). 


     *sigh*  I know that I’m bordering on entirely the wrong side of proselytizing, given that those that know alternatives to raising a fist against someone has already learned to use their brains through a situation instead.  But at the same time, I can’t help but wonder — what with these kids learning this in school as a method of handling their problems — don’t they wonder why the state of their peers is the way that it is?  That in allowing the bullies and the thugs that use violence to control, that in raising a fist even in defense is providing proof that the thug-method of problem solving is why they don’t see the "civilized" side of the world?  That ultimately all that’s being done is proliferating more ignorance? 

     Eh…  it makes me sick and tired of dealing with children sometimes.  Particularly those that think it’s cool to be violent, and that fist-fighting regardless of gender — is a mark of distinction (instead of what it is — the mark of infamy and scorn). 


     Well that’s enough on that.  There’s nothing much else to say on the subject that doesn’t make me look like I’m on a soapbox in Trafalgar.  In other news I think I might actually have a date next week.  If I don’t completely dork the hell out or flake for the moon.  Seems a pretty all right man from what I’ve been able to determine in the correspondences going back and forth to setting up the date for coffee.  Of course it’s the routine problems that I have whenever trying to set up a date in the first place… where to meet, how easy it is for me to get there, and what not.  Though there’s this niggling thing that almost always gets me when a conversation reaches a certain point with queerfolk… 

     All right, so I could meet him for coffee this week because of the flooding and trying to get everything dried out in the basement as quickly as possible — so I went with going for sometime next week. This man lives in Hingham, MA (which is in fact pretty close to Boston (in the same way that my hometown is close to Providence).  So basically he offers to go halfway — which would be a difficulty for me — so I counter with somewhere in Boston (which is convenient for him, and I can get there in about the same amount of time if I were to actually drive there (if I had a car and a driver’s license). 

     Tells me that weekends would be best, but wouldn’t mind week.  I can’t do weekends because of my schedule and the time that I work, so have to settle for the days off that I have.  Offered a day, but wouldn’t suggest a place other than Boston, as the only places I knew for coffee there were Dunkin’ Donuts or Starbuck’s (although I do remember a couple of coffee houses near to the Chandler Inn, but I’ll be go-to-hell if I can remember the name of the places without having to Google them, or launch my map application in my phone. 

     Still have a week to plan this out and was looking forward to seeing someone demonstrate they’re continued writing skills because from the correspondences going back and forth — it seems the man has a good grasp of spelling and syntax, didn’t rely once on text-speak and didn’t CAPSLOCK at all through the messages.  But I didn’t notice that they were getting shorter and shorter… 

     Then it happens…  the message I knew that all gay men do when they get bored of writing…  "Here’s my number…  call me.." 

     *sigh*  Really?  The tentative date is a week away and you want to get on the phone and talk about it?  I mean sure, I remember the whole thing about dates — I used to set them up by telephone all the time.  But even then, when it’s a first date — and a blind one at that — I usually only did it a couple of days in advance.  If it were a formal date — sure a week in advance would happen…  But this is an informal date and my time doesn’t free up until a week or more afterward.  If I could’ve written, I would’ve.  Makes it easy to find things in common or not.  Hell, even would allow for questions to get queued up when one did actually meet in public vis-à-vis. 

     Though based on the response — I get the distinct impression the reason why he chose this route was because of self-consciousness.  Because if it’s keyed into the whole "laid-back" bullshit mentality gay men think is a good façade to have, I guarantee this isn’t going to be a date next weekend.  I’m so sick and tired of this "laid-back" mentality I catch from gay men (or rather men in general) which translates to bottling crap up, and avoiding responsibility because laid-back also means lazy… 

     so I’ll call tomorrow night when I wake up, and if the temperatures are as pleasant tomorrow night as they are tonight — I’m going to do so while walking to the Dunk in Blackstone. 


     Well that’s about it for the time being. Time for me to wander as it’s my turn to see how much water’s left in the basement and get it bilge-pumped out of there.  Until the next time.

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