Home > Life or something like it > Entry 05/24/2010 04:22:32 AM – Mentat 570

Entry 05/24/2010 04:22:32 AM – Mentat 570


     I hate hormones and I hate frustration…  Two of the worst possible combinations in emotions and chemistry that I can have simultaneously.  It contributes to my having an over-whelming case of the blahs.  It contributes to my not wanting to be self-inspective or introspective.  It makes me feel somewhere between hyper and bored.  It makes me want to avoid sitting here and write giving me an incredible amount of self-consciousness, and it makes me extremely squirrely when it comes to some of the queerfolk that I deal with that are casually flirtatious — as I’m wanting something a little more meaningful than just casual flirting.  And those that seem interested, but shy only make me want to smack ’em upside the head and tell ’em "I put my pants on the same way as you do.  Be a bit more courageous about it, thanks."  And somewhere in all this — I have this horrible feeling of impatient boredom which makes me practically a bear to deal with in normal conversation. 

     Ugh, I hate it!  It’s caused me to go through at least fifty attempts at trying to write this journal entry — all of which have ended up deleted with the strong wish they’d go up in flames instead.  Every attempt has usually stopping around the second paragraph and me raging a bit after the deletion with the usual self-reprimands that I need to stop with this crappy attitude.  Can you tell that’s not happening any time in the near future?  No?  Well maybe this time, I’ll stop being completely self-conscious about this entry. 


     Seriously I need some sort of inspiration.  That sort of thing that breaks away from the norm that I deal with on the day to day.  The sort of thing where I can forget about the kind of calls that I get from the one place in the whole of the world (otherwise know as my "favorite" place) that I think should suffer in the same way as Sodom and Gomorrah did in the Old Testament.  Something head over heels, off the wall unconventional from the sort of nonsense and bullshit I routinely see in my inbox both from the spammers and the various LGBT websites that I routinely check. 

     Oh yes really…  the charming wink I got this week was from someone in my hometown who’s looking for cruising areas in the state and his picture is of his ass and him practically doing a Goatse.cx in the photo.  *eye roll & sighs*  Really…  Enough with those sort of photos…  Please…

     But I’m not sure really how to initiate such a thing with someone.  Most of the folk that I deal with are half my age (and even younger than that)…  Those of my age…  I’ve covered that sort of thing before, ad nausea.   And I’m not in the mood for that revisit at the moment as it’ll only frustrate me all the more (and will probably cause me to want to delete this entry one more time). 

     And it’s bloody well frustrating too given what I know, what I’ve done, and how much I’ve lived as well… 


     In other news, next month I’m taking long weekends for the entire month: 3 day work-weeks, 4 days off.  I’ve done this sort of thing before and while it allows me to check out the local life, it prevents me from spending too much money on traveling the US like some mad gypsy-tourist checking out the local life as far away from my hometown and my home state.  Then again, given my love of the Internet — it’s entirely possible I’ll be buying online and having the stuff shipped to the house. 

     Which leads me to my next random segue — I’m still considering upgrading my happy portable workhorse to something bigger and faster.  Still haven’t made up my mind as to whether I want something dual-core or quad-core, although I’m thinking of something with a bigger screen; something in the vicinity of 15" or larger.  Heh, and definitely a DVD drive.  After all, why not?  It would be nice to watch a movie at work that’s not strapped to Hulu or the Cable boxes here, or perhaps playing something epically fabulous that I’ve currently got playing on my desktop…  Or Oblivion…  Just so that I can say I’ve finished it…  And no, I haven’t yet…  surprising huh? 


     Work…  well, that’s just work.  The hormones don’t make it any easier to deal with, but at the same time I’m not raging as I had been back in March.  At least the people aren’t quite as demanding — although there have been times where they’ve been completely snippy for positively no reason whatsoever.  The exercise and the weather’s made me a lot more mellow now that I’m getting more of what I want, instead of freezing my tits off in the process. 


     I might write a little bit more when I get home.  When I’m not completely compartmentalizing my brain in the way that I currently am.  Until later…


[Last Edited: 05/24/2010 09:41:34 AM]


     Nah, I have nothing else to write at the moment…  A couple of thoughts, but I might continue this another time.  Tonight or over the weekend.  Until the next time…

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