Home > Life or something like it > Entry 10/17/2010 01:40:42 PM – Mentat 585

Entry 10/17/2010 01:40:42 PM – Mentat 585

10/17/2010

I went to bed entirely too early last night and ended waking up sometime in the middle of the night after realizing that I had been snoring loudly (enough to wake the dead), drooling into my pillow like an invalid and having a cat prodding at me because she was hungry and too slack-assed to head to the food bowl on her own. Not too bad a thing really — I only stayed up a couple of hours before I passed out for the remainder of the night and getting an almost full night’s sleep in two really long naps. Waking up in the morning, I realized that the mood that I woke up into was a sort of rampage of various good old-fashioned rants. One of them a sort of left-over from what I was doing to pass the time and calm my mind enough to fall back to sleep. The other is a sort has been the one that I’ve been mulling over and completely avoiding for the last several or so journal entries that I always think I’m going to sit down and address the issues, and end up completely leaving alone because most attempts come off sounding more like a whinge, and less of valid issues.

So be prepared, this is probably going to be a mixture of rant and whinge. I had woken up this morning in a sort of rampage; and thought it high time that I approach everything with a “I couldn’t care less” attitude because I realize it needs to get the hell out if I’m going to deal with moving on from it.

First off, I’m really not liking WordPress all that much at the moment. Last night while I was biding my time until my over-active mind finally calmed down enough to lay back down and pass out, I remember heading over there to see if I couldn’t find a journal entry or two to read. Nothing too heavy reading, just the sort of thing of someone else putting together the puzzle pieces of their lives and either finding success — or failure — in the attempt. What I ended up seeing from the front page were nothing more than journalist and journalist wannabes talking about today’s or yesterday’s news, reviews of restaurants and what sort of eating out someone should do to maintain their girlish (or manly) figures, tech reviews and assorted spyware reports up the ass and generally the short of shit that I could get from reading SlashdotBoing Boing or Engadget.

One of the first articles that I clicked on, while being poignant about bullying and harassment of queerfolk that’s hit the media was actually tagged left, right and center from CNN. CNN?? Really? Like CNN’s monstrosity of a news site isn’t enough, it has to have its journalism choking up another site as well? The next was a fellow Spaces User that had made their way to WordPress because of the site shutting that portion down. What was his article about? Windows 1.0 which had YouTube embedded video that Slashdot had talked about and linked back in September. Blah, old news is old for a reason and the fact that I remember the embedded video only brought up more ire toward anyone trying to be wannabe journalist in a blog setting.

I tried out (a little bit but not until later in the morning) the cloud (which is a listing of words based on personal tags) and while this lead me to where I wanted to be — looking at personal blogs — you have to be careful about which tag you choose to get to them. Some of them end up going to just another regurgitation of the front page of featured articles which are journalistic or journalistic-wannabes. Personal is one such word that brought up my ire in the middle of the night finding myself not wanting to read “featured” articles which to me are entirely too impersonal for my taste.

I think that LiveJournal has the right idea when it comes to a personal blog-site/blogsphere, though one of the biggest problems that I had with that site was the overwhelming angst of young teenagers crying about the tyranny of their parents or worse — the social stigmas that have been around for centuries. I don’t think I’ll see the same on WordPress from adults, although I do have a better understanding of why people like using WordPress’ software for their own personal websites — to escape the glut of a site stifled with what feels like informational advertising, and journalistic whoring.

I’ll try to putter around the site some more, and see if I can’t find some journals/blogs from people instead of people trying to be journalists. Particularly given my extremely strong opinion that amateur journalists and journalist wannabes don’t do any sort of fact-checking and really should — for the sake of journalism if anything. If not, then it’ll serve just as MSN Spaces did — the site for being the oldest online journal site that I have out there…

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As for the other tirade… God this one’s been the ongoing and long-time coming one. One that I’m not sure whether it’s just me sick and tired of the games of dating, or whether it’s honest to god legitimate. Either or, here it comes… Ready or not…

I don’t know what to make of the profiles that I read of single gay men online. For every piece that comes off truthful, there are times when the lies or blatantly egregious self-promotion turns an otherwise interest to drop that person a note to finding myself completely put off. Sometimes I think I’m simply being too picky… Other times, I feel as though I’m justified in my disgust and cynicism. I mean — here are some good examples of what I face in this attempt to finding someone interesting enough to date…

The tagline on one site that I use is “Yes, I shall go down in history as the man who opened a door!”- Ever After

I got a response from someone telling me it’s his favorite movie and that he saw it the other night… His nickname: ricocksucker4u. It’s a picture of an erect penis (I can only assume it’s his, but it’s what I call a headless horseman picture) that he’s holding. His profile is all about various sexual actions that he’d like to do with someone.

Yeah, *thumbs up* that sort of profile just makes me want to strike up a conversation with a man holding his penis about romance or critiquing a romantic story.

On another site I have the following as the first thing you read when you get to the profile: Be *IN* the USA only. All others will be marked spam. I go on to explain that I’m looking for someone that’s not separated by oceans to call a boyfriend.

I get responses from folk in the Philippines, Ghana and China asking to be my boyfriend.

Really? I know that English might not be one’s primary language, but even those that respond in broken English seem to have a basic understanding of what they’re saying in responses to me. For giggles I did respond to a few of them asking if they had problems reading that line and all of them apologized for not reading it. Which means, of course, they were looking at the pictures and not reading anything at all.

Then again, this shouldn’t be surprising really given that on yet another chat site, I’ve been positively flooded and inundated with friend requests and “you’re hot” tags from folk from the Orient. I guess the great firewall of China’s come down on some sections of these sort of sites.

[Last Edited: 10/17/2010 06:44:44 PM]

Okay, I walked away for a bit… had supper, got the cat fed and generally got all sort of ire going for different reasons. Wanted to borrow Avatar from my aunt so that I could get some good old fashioned vitriol going in tomorrow when I’m sitting there getting caught up with reading and it turns out that the woman completely decimated the box for it. Then looking through the DVD box, the DVD is completely missing.

Then my aunt insists to check my uncle’s portable DVD player, which he’s been using to watch the movies he’s asked to borrow to check out. I tell her it most certainly won’t be in there given how deeply into the cabinet that Avatar was and how recent my uncle’s movie watching has been. She insisted only to see that my movie My Neighbor Totoro queued up.

And then my aunt wonders why I cringe hardcore whenever they want to borrow any of my movies.

But I digress…

So the on-going rant that I have is the whole online dating scene, which I walked away from because frankly I find myself just plain cynical about it. Oh, I know! Here’s another beauty…

On one several of the sites they have the ability to see who came to visit your profile. I was watching this 50-something that had checked my profile out several times over the course of a couple of weeks that has in his username the city I’m currently living in. Not too bad, I thought. I wouldn’t turn in down outright. Checked out the rest of his profile and it was completely blank. Not very inspiring for me to find something in common to check out, so I pretty much left it to his discretion whether or not he would stare at me some more before I approached him about that routine checking.

Next day he asks whether I’m from the same city he’s in and would I like to go out for coffee.

I responded politely asking for a day and time of his convenience.

Nothing… A month later and he’s not responded.

Well all righty. Check-check with the manners there. Moving along from that now.

*sighs* I think as I’m sitting here thinking about it — I’m just tired of the game some men play to snag a boyfriend. The lies, the half-truths, the insincerity behind the things that they say about themselves: either because they don’t want to appear well; average. Or the outright fabrications to build themselves up to more than they actually are. That and the fact that a majority of the profiles I’ve read through are so… cookie cutter. Their likes and dislikes are so mainstream as to feel they were chosen because they don’t want to come off as too oddball to be un-datable.

Take for example the man that said that one of his fears was for cats. I had asked him about it as I’m naturally curious of anyone that would have a fear of felines. It wasn’t the first time I’ve seen it, but opportunity being the mother of invention, I decided to enact upon it to find out what the cause of that fear was. He explained succinctly enough that I could comprehend and empathize with his fear (as it does touch upon the primal fears of our racial history). It was the way that he had described it though that I found myself facepalming through the re-reading of his note.

It came off as though he were hyper-concerned that it would his wording would be interpreted as being effeminate.

I can say this much though — I didn’t once think him the least bit effeminate. What I did consider after re-reading his note a third time was that he was incredibly high-maintenance; given he had at least five different phobias and stressed at least eight times how much of a man’s-man he was.

It leaves me wondering… At middle-age do we men become so self-conscious of our image, we over-exaggerate our actions to prevent that image from being misinterpreted? Do we become that egotistically frail that we no longer see ourselves the way we did when we were in our 20s that it’s a constant effort to maintain some bloated or otherwise virile self-image when we reach our 40s?

It makes me wonder how I missed out on that insanity.. Heh, at least it makes me thankful I missed out on it.

Well that’s about it for the time being. I could go on, but I have other things to think about and do. I might revisit this a bit more. I might not. Until the next time.

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