Home > Computers and Internet, Life or something like it, Social > Entry 10/25/2010 05:09:25 PM – Mentat 586

Entry 10/25/2010 05:09:25 PM – Mentat 586

10/25/2010

The lethargy and the frustration that I’ve been feeling the last couple of days have been pretty overwhelming. Take for example yesterday… I had been sitting there in the morning after a good strong cup of coffee, laundry going, bed linens changed and my cat happily sleeping at my feet with my journal open and getting my thoughts organized to start writing. Three attempts and nearly an hour later I found myself still reacting as adversely to the thoughts that I had been having as the savage revelation that I experience the evening after I had decided on contributing a bit of art toward Deviant Art’s attempt for GLAAD’s Spirit Day Event. So, instead of facing it head-on, I decided to be a complete chicken-shit and completely avoided anything to do with the thoughts and feelings that I had been having. Sure, it got the laundry washed, folded and put away, but left me little want to do anything other than chat casually and avoid most of anything that would have to do with thinking or self-analysis. While I’m feeling all right enough to look at some of the anger I had been feeling at the moment — believe me when I say that it’s still pretty much there and will be until I’m completely through with this journal entry.

Let’s see if I can’t recall the events from the 21st that lead to the way that I’ve been reacting since…

…The morning started like it routinely does for Thursday. Early wake up without the alarm, cat demanding food (and then afterward demanding that I sit there with her through staring and plaintive mews from her), and my aunt stopping in to ask me if I’m ready to make the mad dash for some good ol’ fashioned whiplash shopping at the usual places for the weekly Thursday shopping experience. Of course I hadn’t been, and neither was she really, so she said that she’d make her way back to the house to pick me up after her weekly manicure and nail polishing.

Good idea, I said… and though, I want to slack a bit more puttering around the house before doing the whiplash shopping.

I remember the purple in the banner and then after a bit of reading of the news there, saw that they were participating in GLAAD’s little exercise that I recall skimming a couple of days before. Seeing that Deviant Art was going to celebrate it as a sort of Community Awareness until Friday, and given that I had about an hour and a half before my aunt got back to the house, decided to do the Mad Scientist Dash and make a marble in purple.

It was going to be a three hour render given the size and density settings, moseyed to the bathroom for a shower and got the idea of putting together a sort of freestyle poem about some of the horrors of bullying that I had experienced growing up here in my hometown.

I sort of knew going into that poem that I would be opening up all sorts of gates and doorways into the past — and in doing so, waking up the demons that I often feel when recalling such memories as vividly as I do — but seemed like an adequate cause and something I could quell if left to my own devices for the remainder of the day.

I finished the poem about the same time my aunt got back from the manicurist, and off we went shopping for various necessities that I only bought half of what I was supposed to. Heh, I got too wrapped up in the poem than making the list and said I would make the list on the way to the various stores…

The fractal render would’ve been finished by the time I sat down for lunch, so I wasn’t really in such a rush to get back to clean it up, post it and the poem online and took a bit more time around the stores than I usually did so that I wouldn’t bog down the work horse as it chugged away.

Getting back to the house, iced coffee in hand, various sundries and groceries put away, and another sitting down with my cat as she ate the remainder of her first can of food for the day, I changed out e-books from Thomas More (Utopia) to LF Baum (The Wizard of Oz), while checking the status of the soon-to-be-finished render that I had started a couple of hours prior.

Once it was done, and the artist’s comments and poem were posted, it was simply a matter of sitting back and letting whatever angst I might feel calm down and settle back into its sleep of the ages. And for the most part of the afternoon, those demons were in fact settling back down while I happily chatted with some people about the event, along with other small talk of the moment.

It was about mid-afternoon that I recalled a couple of teenagers came flouncing into the room talking about how purple is not Deviant Art’s Color and went on to say that this community project is as much a farce as any of them sponsored so far. I believe that the reason why they said it was that it just caused the flocks of followers placate their sense of guilt for contributing to such events but really don’t do anything else in their lives for these causes. They don’t contribute time, money, or even for volunteer work to assist those in need. One of these two teenagers, I recall said something of the sort about most of these people contributing art to ‘the cause’ probably didn’t even stop bullies in school or around them from picking on those that needed help.

I recall these two teenagers didn’t stick around long. Partially because I said to them it’s their right to have that dissenting opinion, but mostly because no one really talked to them about their dissent. If anything, they had been mostly ignored by people in the room leaving them to say pretty much whatever they wanted without consequence. Though their words were enough for me to get sufficiently angry at the careless attitude they demonstrated.

Someone came in later asking to read their journal and tell them whether they were being discriminated against in school. The person’s journal entry stated that she was not allowed to have a purple sash for Spirit Day because the faculty there did not allow for student rallying of any sort. I tried explaining to her that the issues that she was experiencing was a fine line, and advised her to speak with the school board about this to determine what their stance was on unsponsored rallies and causes. She went on to say that students were allowed to wear red sashes (apparently support to anti-abortion) but anyone with a purple one was told to take them off or suffer detention (or worst). Again I urged her to speak with her parents and with the school board about it…

…it fell on deaf ears, and she left to go do other things.

A couple of hours later, after I had wandered off for a quick meditation, have a bite for supper, have the cat finish off can of food #2, I came back to chat a bit more with some of the folk known for being there at night and discuss an issue from the night before that I wasn’t sure why it hadn’t been handled correctly, I watched this fourteen year old come into the room drop this shitload of drama about how she was emo and being bullied by the girls in school that just followed her home for no reason and were throwing rocks at her house and calling her by her name which she hated.

Over the next half hour she made up all sorts of things about how tough her life was, and how she was living in Ireland and being forced to marry someone that she didn’t want to. She said that the legal marrying age in Ireland was 9.

She had been confronted by a good acquaintance who did live in Ireland about that, of which she changed her tune and threatened to not only remove her account from Deviant Art, but also that she was going to kill herself; storming off for about an hour before coming back and starting that drama all over again.

Upon the third time she had done it, I moved her to Time-Out with the express instructions to leave her there for the allotted time and then pull her out explaining the next time she make such threats, she would be banned from the chat room.

While she didn’t come back for the remainder of the night, there was another one that came in crying about not getting her way with her parents and that it wasn’t fair for the things that were going on in her life. Like the fourteen year old that was put in the Time-Out box, she said she was “emo”. Someone tried explaining to her that perhaps her parents were right in their actions — she turned around and shrieked with a whole lot of exclamation points, “You’re bullying me!”

I flipped out behind my screen.

My good acquaintance and friend heard the brunt of it in a private chat because quite frankly I found myself disgusted by the bandwagon jumping these spoiled children were doing for an otherwise good idea to try to rake in some attention to their imagined abuse.

For the remainder of the night, I stayed in a foul and dour mood watching other kids come in and try to pull the “woe is me, I’m bullied” card to get attention.

My acquaintance and good friend said it best when he said to me, “these kids think that growing up should be easy… and it’s not.”

He was quite right. And it took me some days to wrap my brain around to be calm enough to finish this entry…

Growing up isn’t easy. It’s hard in fact. You have to learn what’s required of you for an education and graduation, and in the middle of this you’re learning about social interaction and communication with peers, superiors and underlings. There is a huge difference though between what is difficult and what is being made hellish through bullying. And what I had been seeing from the kids coming into chat and complaining about it are very much like the kids that casually say they’d like to be “raped” (or “reaped” if the word has been banned from a chat room). They haven’t a clue what it’s like to be bullied, or singled out for abuse and torture by peers and from their spoiled perspective think what difficulties they are experiencing to be the worse possible experience in their lives.

What I have to say in response to this, is this:

Crying wolf about being bullied when you’re nothing more than spoiled children is truly selfish and self-centered, boys and girls.

In making such noise that you’re being bullied in your petty, selfish lives those that truly need the help and the guidance in dealing and coping with the abuse and bullying go unseen and unnoticed. Those that are willing to assist others end up being disgusted and cynical in offering aid because of your selfish needs taxing on their desire to help.

So the next time you open up your mouth and shrieking you’re being bullied when in actuality you’re just whinging because life’s difficult, consider this: you might have cost someone that truly needed the help to keep to themselves and not ask for it. And that’s the last thing anyone being bullied should do.

There, I said it without raging as badly as I thought. I still feel more than a little disgusted with what I’ve seen since. But at least I’ll be able to sleep tonight knowing I didn’t tear into people that truly needed a good smack upside the head. I’ll write more on some other issues that have cropped up since… But that will be for the next journal entry.

Until the next time.

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