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Oh look! Michael’s writing, instead of being a Mad Scientist™

02/24/2013

Entry 02/24/2013 08:44:31 AM – Mentat 681

The summit of happiness is reached when a person is ready to be what he is.” – Desiderius Erasmus

Sunday morning and I’m off with a start. Weird dreams that I’m simply allowing to fade into forgetfulness (and definitely not really worth mentioning as they were more third-person observations into the lives of others instead of first person). Getting everything (including cleaning the house) done before 8 am. Sitting here and swigging my first cup of coffee an hour before usual. Heck I was even able to work on my Fractal of the Day and not only did I get it done as I was finishing up with cleaning the house, but also was able to get it posted in sort of record time as well (good thing to habits and being able to run on auto-pilot sometimes). It sort of feels like nervous energy — which I still do get on occasion — but it’s not originating in the usual places. I could meditate on it, though I’m sure I’m going to find my brain going all over the place trying to, given that I’m still trying to drink my morning coffee. It’s something I might have the chance to unwind as I sit here writing… Or not, depending on mood and inspiration/muse.

I know it’s been a couple of weeks since the last time I’ve written. Almost three (weeks) as I look at the date on the last journal entry. Since the last time I’ve sat down and written, I’ve come to realize that I had a bad combination of Mid-Winter Blahs and Post-Holiday Blues. I about wanted to throttle my boss and landlord because he’s been way too scattered (and all over the place) queuing up work like a schizophrenic maid cleaning on what he wants/needs done at the garage and the properties that he’s trying to get rented once again. I needed (and got) 6 days off and a wage renegotiation to the amount of responsibilities that he has been throwing at me the last six or so months (and was still able to get the month of February’s rent paid so that I can work on trying to find jobs before the beginning of the month of March). During the six days off, I had spontaneously picked up the habit of working on a fractal a day (and posting them to all the usual places). Fun times there, as it’s rather fun to be starting my iPod/iTunes and then coding based on the first song that plays. In my downtime, I was able to get my main toon in Star Wars: The Old Republic up to End-Game Level (50) and found myself rather disappointed with the ending to the storyline as I was able to kill the Emperor of the Sith/Empire in about 45 seconds. Pissed off queerfolk and got myself ostracized on Star Trek Online in admitting that I troll petulant and disrespectful kids on SWTOR (for the lolz). And somewhere along the way, find that my calling has picked up another soul on his way to understand the meaning of life, the universe and everything.

Yes, there’s where the off-center is coming from. But it’s not like when I was dealing with someone else from the central part of the United States. God, that was the sort of drama that I found myself unable to handle at all. Sexual-related dreams every night for the first ten days/two weeks we had talked. Finding my center and grounding completely upheaved and leaving me a nervous and emotional wreck. No, this seems to be more like the nervousness of anticipation because my own curiosity is getting the best of me. While I know it’s rare for me to find equals (or even masters) in my life, I’ve come to appreciate that my calling involves me dealing with acolytes and those new to the path that I walk more. It’s just that… sometimes it would be nice to being able to talk with some that understands and can relate to what I know (and understand), instead of approaching the person as a student and waiting patiently for them to come unto their own to understanding what I know. That and I have to admit, it feels like a really long time since I’ve actually spent time thinking/feeling in metaphysics.

Heh, a friend of mine long ago (who surprisingly is recently departed) once said to me that, “…you are (and I suspect always have been)a teacher of teachers…” Hard to imagine more than 17 years later, I’m finding myself the teacher of students instead. Perhaps it’s a good thing about getting old and learning patience (or simply divine apathy) when dealing with the acolyte. At least they tend to last a bit longer and not prone to ending up in the fetal position, sucking on their thumb and crying pitilessly for their momma when I begin to lose my patience at how slow they’re taking when picking up what’s practically being given to them.

All right, so I understand now where the off-centered is coming from and it’s interesting that because of it, I’m looking for some sort of muse to be creative with. Not the sort of creative that the Mad Scientist (that I am) does with maths. No, the sort of creativity that comes from word weaving. From writing stories to weaving some sort of narrative that incites thoughts, emotions and perhaps even memories. The only problem is that I can’t find the right sort of muse to pull this off — not even for my own journal. *sighs* And I hate when this happens because while it isn’t writer’s block — it certainly feels like it. Pity there’s no such thing as writer’s congestion… That’s certainly what it feels like.

All things considered, I’m doing pretty well. My mood’s better since the mini-vacation I went on (in spite of the fact that my landlord did sort of get on my tits when I realized that he runs on a 24/7/365 schedule and not a Mon-Fri workday schedule) and in spite of snow threats over the next couple of days, I’m sort of happy that it’s rainy and dreary instead. As long as it’s making the snow from the blizzard we had between the last entry and this disappear, that’s all I care about really.

That’s about it for the time being. Short entry as it is, I’m off to enjoy a bit more music and then perhaps drumming up a challenge to work with this muse instead of just slogging along as I usually do. Until the next time.

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