Quick Check in…

04/04/2014

Entry 04/04/2014 10:09:08 AM – Mentat 693

Two days of spring-like warmth and today it’s back to being the chillier side of spring. Add to the fact that it’s overcast with threats of rain (over the next couple of days) and it looks as though I’m going to have a fun time in store for me. And by fun, I mean certain chores around the house needing to be done. Yeah, I’m sort of doing the cleaning here at the homestead. Not half as much as I would like to do, but enough to make the place feel just a little bit more clean. Moe’s currently on the chairs at the table, miffed with me because he wanted to sit on my shoulder — and by that I mean get into my arm like a toddler and sprawl out. Can’t have that and try to type out a journal entry too as he takes out one arm in the process. So it’s looking all depressed and passive-aggressive in my general direction while he waits for the signal that it’s safe to come back and be an attention whore.

I’m getting better at handling my anger whenever I think of the douche bags in the Valley. I still have random flare-ups when I remember everything that they did in a split-second, but instead of trying to suppress it, I simply embrace it and reason with myself into remembering that they’re out of my life and with that, I should simply let go of that anger. I calm down rather well, though there have been more than one time that I’ve thought to myself, “they still deserve to get the shit beat out of them, just to remind them that it’s what they truly need to stop being the users, liars and thieves that they are…”

My sleep patterns have been completely screwed up. Seems that I’m getting those sort of ½ hour naps when my head hits the pillow at night, only to find myself up for the next three hours trying to get my restless mind to stop racing at a 1,000 miles per hour. Then I’m out for the next 4 – 5 hours and then it’s off to a new day. Sure I nap during the afternoon — no more than an hour — and I’m getting my fair share of 6 – 7 hours sleep through the course of a day.. But it would be nice if it were all at once. I won’t force it too badly; well not yet anyway. At least I’m energetic through the day, and in spite of the staggered hours of sleep I’m actually in better spirits now than I was in the last couple of years, so it’s something, no?

Dreams still come and go strongly, and I’ve noticed in the last couple of weeks, I’ve had a healthy smattering of sexual and erotic dreams. Not sure if it’s because of the change of environment, or the fact that spring is once again in the air, but at least it’s not quite so asexual (or third-person observer) as it has been the last few years. Of course, last night’s dream involved Rick and while it wasn’t anything too intimate (thank the maker there), it was enough to give me pause this morning when I woke up for the final time. I know it has to do with the fact that about a week ago, I made comment about him to someone (can’t remember exactly where or to who) and the way that I told that person, I did my usual remembering the 4½ years all at once. I know from experience that sort of mnemonic recall always causes me to have dreams associated to the subject-matter.

Nothing much else from me at the moment… Oh wait, that’s not quite true. I remember spring is in the air, and this means queerfolk are crawling my profile on one of the local LGBT sites I’m still registered on. Because it’s the Rhode Island area, that means Lilliputians. We’re talking 5’7″ (170 cm) and shorter. And the worst part is that many of them are looking for a “dad” type. Let me just say I’m not… I just corrected my profile there to say, “…I’m also not a ‘dad’. Think of me more like a crazy uncle you leave your kids with if you want them hyped up on sugar and ready to revolt against order & discipline by the time you pick them up…” That should be enough for those under 30 to leave me alone, or run away pronto when they realize I’m not there to be dad and support their ass as they refuse to grow-the-hell-up. There’s better ways of maintaining one’s youth — suckling on the teat of another man’s wallet is not one of them.

And truly, that’s it for the time being. Off to have some water and then walk the dog. Oh the “fun” of a 95 pound (43 Kg) Chocolate Labrador that thinks he’s alpha of all he surveys. Even if that all he surveys is around an apartment complex and .6 miles (.9 km) there and back again. Until the next time.

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